Post # 1
So we are required to meet with marriage mentors and read a book and do a workbook for our marriage counseling. The thing is these are people we never met and my fiancé totally HATES it! He hates it so much that he is cranky about it for days before it! He wairun until the last second to do his book and is so cranky about it that it’s not even worth it. Is anyone else having these issues? I just wishi could avoid it all! We have been together for 6 years and this book has nothing to teach us and is obviously written for people who do not know eachother very well or think things will be perfect once they are married. It even has a section on true or false sex questions…obviously for people who have not had sex! This whole thing is just so annoying!
Post # 3
If your marriage is worth it, you will both take it seriously if it is a prerequisite. Marriage is a lot of work! These booklets are nothing in comparison to what is going to come at you during your marriage. Take a deep breath, and make it fun if you can, make fun of it if you can………. Best advice I can give you….
Post # 4
I’ve been with my Fiance for over 7 years now… there’s ALWAYS something new to learn! I am trained to do those premarital counseling things, and so my Fiance and I did one on our own, and we actually learned stuff about each other. It depends on how you guys use it. If you’re determined to not learn anything, which it seems like you are, then you won’t. What’s so bad about talking about your relationship?
Post # 5
i agree with the previous posters. it’s really not that bad. when my fiance and i went thru our classes, most of the topics were things that we had already talked about and we knew where we stood on certain issues. but we still learned a lot about each other and ways to handle tough situations and in the end it made us feel even more confident that we can and will have a successful marriage as long as we never stop working at it.
you can’t get out of taking these classes, so instead of complaining about it, you might as well keep an open mind and make the best of it 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
We were together for 7 years when did the workbooks. We had fun with it. Maybe make it more fun? A game?
Post # 7
we have to do that marriage counseling for our catholic ceremony… our class is coming u in october and i am DREADING it… i agree with you,OP… these things are often designed for people who dont really know each other. i guess the assumption for the catholic one at least is that you dont have a physical relationship at all, and you dont have shared space either. neither is true for us.
Post # 8
Due to when these classes are held at my church and our schedules….we won’t be able to take them until after our wedding(we are having Destination Wedding so they aren’t required before our wedding). So we are actually choosing on our own to go through the classes AFTER the wedding. We figure it will do nothing but benefit us as a newly married couple. I think it is always great to learn new things.
I think if more couples took these classes and took them seriously, it would make for stronger marriages. You put lots of time and effort planning the wedding, but what have you done to plan for your marriage?
Post # 9
Our session really was not that bad. Fiance was hesitant but our counselor is super cool and we got to talk about a lot of stuff we really hadn’t considered, or talked about. Do you know why your Fiance isn’t on board?
Post # 10
We were really fortunate that ours was a program that’s fun and interesting. We were dreading it, but ended up enjoying it.
Try to make a game out of it.
True and false sex questions? Sounds kind of funny, actually.
Post # 11
@nursemel: that’s definitely true for some people! i know we have done a lot of marriage planning, but we talk everything to death!
Post # 12
Honestly, these things are what you make of it. If you go in with the attitude that you already know everything then they won’t be very helpful. But if you go into it with an open mind they can be great and can help you strengthen your relationship.
And it’s not that they are designed for people who don’t know each other, they are designed to make sure that you and your Fiance have covered and talked about all the things you need to before you get married. They are also designed to help strengthen your communication skills, make sure you understand each other’s needs, etc.
My Fiance and I had to take some classes and even though we know each other very well and had discussed a lot of the topics discussed, we found them very helpful. If all else failed, it gave us a common language to use when we talk about stuff.
I think you and your Fiance should try to keep an open mind and use this as an opportunity to strenthen your relationship and maybe talk about things you haven’t or go more in depth of those you have.
Post # 13
Thanks, but it’s not me who has the issue, it’s him! We also already live together and have for 2 years. Not much new!
Post # 14
My Fiance and I were dreading it at first too, but actually had a wonderful time connecting with each other! We did a weekend away through the Catholic Engagement Encounters. We found that most couples, like us were already living together and we met some great friends. We had 2 sets of couples, a couple that had been together for 10 years, another that had been together for over 50 and they were a lot of fun, and shared all kinds of stories which made us feel like the things that we have overcome are normal. Even though we were living together, it really gave us a chance to sit down and do nothing but reconnect. We thought about doing another one in a year or so after marriage because found it really healthy and helpful! If you are hesitant about meeting 1 on 1 with another couple, try that instead!
Post # 15
I haven’t been through pre-marital counseling yet, but I think it’s a great idea, so I applaud you on taking that step!
Maybe it would be more fun for him if ya’ll made completing the workbooks on time into a “game” with rewards. If he completes his sections, he gets a massage, or his favorite candy bar or whatever he likes. Maybe incentives are going to be the best way to get him to work on his book!