(Closed) Pre-Marital Counseling

posted 9 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
4382 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

I’m so nervous about it too! This is the church I grew up in, and my fiance grew up NEVER going to church. The whole thing just makes me really, really, really nervous.

Post # 4
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i was nervous and excited.  Luckily, my priest is i think used to the fact that most are and put us at ease quickly.  My Catholic church counseling isn’t too bad at all… Im sure you’ll be fine and your bishop is probably used to those who aren’t actively participating in any faith

Post # 5
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

the pre-cana portion was really not that bad, we only had to speak with each other.  Our first visit with the priest I wasn’t sure what was going to happen.  It wasn’t that bad though, he mostly asked what we thought our strengths and weaknesses were about ourselves, our spouse and our relationship.  What’s the hardest thing we have had to deal with and how did it turn out, I mean kinda personal questions but it was nice to have that time to hear what FH had to say and also I know our info. isn’t going beyond us and the church, hope this helps, our next meeting isn’t until Jan.

Post # 6
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We had our first meeting with the priest- a get to know you kinda thing- and it was better then I expected. A little too much religion for me (an atheist), but not unexpected since we’re having a Catholic wedding and this is a Catholic priest! We feel lucky that the only thing our church is requiring of us is premarital counseling because if they wanted me to convert (does one convert out of atheism?) with sincerity I’d be lying. I am and always have been atheist, but I also support my Fiance in his religious views. I like the pre-marital counseling and actually think every couple ought to get it before marriage. Its very important to talk about the big issues, if you haven’t already, before you take that big leap into marriage.

Post # 7
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I was nervous going into it – but mostly because Fiance and I were attending a new church, so this pastor didn’t really know either of us very well. But it really ended up being great! We had about 6 sessions and while most of it was stuff that Fiance and I had already hashed out, it was nice to know that we were on the right track. And we ended up getting to know our new pastor as well!

Post # 8
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I totally lucked out on this. We only had to go to one session of PM counseling. We are getting married at my church, (FH has only been there a couple of times with me, so the pastor didn’t know him at all) and I was really nervous about the kinds of things he was going to ask us (physical relationship, etc) but it was much better than I thought it would be. The pastor started off talking about money, because, as I’m sure you’ve already heard, it is usually the root of most problems in a marriage. So, finances were first and took up the most time. Then physical intimacy & how important it is within a marriage, etc. I was super-worried that he was going to get mad at us or lecture us or even (worst-case scenario) cancel the wedding because I moved in with him in Sep (3 mos before the scheduled wedding) but he was cool with it, and didn’t pry or make us uncomfortable at all…which I was certainly grateful for.

So, definately don’t worry about it too much, cuz I worried about it for a month straight and when we finally got in there, it was great!

 

Post # 9
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I have my last session on Thursday, and it’s been good. We’ve combined the pre-martial counseling with the ceremony planning and I’ve enjoyed the discussions. It’s been a great way for my fiance and I to tackle a few things we didn’t realize we had issues with.

 

Post # 10
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

my experience was just wonderful… we actually learned a lot about each other and i am very very happy that we did it 🙂 

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I was nervous because I was expecting him to be all uptight and stuff. I knew they weren’t thrilled we weren’t able to do only 1 of the 3 sessions b/c he was military and it made me uncomfortable. In general, I am not okay with “justifying” my relationship to others and discussing intimate details with a stranger such as how we handle finances and intimacy and all those sorts of things.

I was right. It was weird-ish. He kept suggesting things we didn’t like. But ultimately, we didn’t get anything out of it and he didn’t ask anything over the line. We just felt that his suggestions weren’t feasible for our situation (both of us plan on working full time) versus his situation (wife stays home) and things about kids, etc that we’d already planned. Maybe it would have been a better experience if we hadn’t already had all “those” talks but we already did….so it was kind of a waste of time. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. He was nice and all, it was just one of those “hmm…done!” kind of things.

Post # 12
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I was really nervous to, the pastor doing it is my best friend’s dad- obviously that could get awkward.

But he’s a great guy, no awkward questions.  We just talked about why we love eachother, our expectations.  It was good to hear from someone else that we do have things together.

Post # 13
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I was super nervous about our counseling too, for the same reasons as a lot of you – Fiance and I are not religious and it was definitely religious counseling. I was mostly nervous that we’d be asked personal questions or our faith would be scrutinized. 

But I loved it! Despite disagreeing on some matters (male and female roles, for example), it was actually really interesting and thought-provoking. Fiance and I had a lot to talk about after and I think it helped me think more deeply about our commitment. Our counseling was more teaching than personal – there were lessons that we had to personalize, but he didn’t ask us personal questions like some of you have said. I really liked that – there was hardly any judgment, and I think it will help us make a stronger marriage. 

Post # 14
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m actually really excited about the counseling.. I think it will be awkward at times, and I hope we can both be really honest and open to it. I’m excited just to see how the process goes, since I am planning on grad school in Marriage Counseling anyway haha. It’s optional at my church, but I wouldn’t miss it. I’m not really sure when I start.. maybe I should find that out.. hmm

Post # 15
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

Totally loved premarital counseling!  But my church does it a bit different.  They assigned us to a couple who were our “marriage mentors” and we would go to their house and talk over dinner – totally relaxed comfortable environment.  Now that we’re married it’s so nice to have their continued encouragement and to be able to call them up if we ever need any advice.

Post # 16
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am kinda excited about our pre-marital counseling. Our pastor and his wife do the sessions together which is nice to have a married couple be there and not only talk to us but also be an example other than our parents. We have had another one of our friends get married by him and they loved the Pre-marital counseling.

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