Post # 1
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
So Fiance and I are currently living in two different states (FI in NC, me in MA) and are scheduled to get married by his uncle (a Methodist preacher) in July. His uncle has requested that we have Pre-Marital counseling before he will marry us which we are more than willing to do.
The problem is that we are currently in a LDR and any time we do spend in the same location is very brief (48 hours at most) and are having a very difficult time finding an online/video/phone counseling service.
Does anyone have any suggestions for websites or places I can call?
What have long distance couples done in the past to meet these requirements?
Any help or suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated!
Post # 3
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
Well….
Maybe Ya’ll could do a phone conference with His Uncle. I’m sure that if he’s officiating & knows the circumstance, and wants ya’ll to do it then he’d be happy to help.
My Fiance & I are using the book Preparing For Marriage It also has a leaders book that your FIs uncle could get..
I think it’d be really simple to do what ya’ll need to do in the books (there’s a couple of worksheets in the beginning.. personal history & great expectations) & then discuss each session via phone with his uncle.
I think it’d totally work! And I really love the book for a guideline =)
Post # 4
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
@runsyellowlites: Thank you for the link to the book. Looking at it, it seems as though it is even something we could do without his Uncle if needed. It seems his Uncle either doesn’t want to or doesn’t have the time to do the counseling with us even if it is over the phone.
I think there is a whole lot more going on in the family than we know about (seeing as we are both hundreds of miles away from it) since FI’s Grandmother’s passing in December. We have been hearing a lot of non-Christian like things going on among the family second-hand from FI’s mother that we aren’t sure is true or not or even blown completely out of proportion. It’s hard being so far away and not knowing what is really going on.
So needless to say, at this point… we may end up using that book you suggested at our own pace and just pray for the best.
Thanks for your help!
Post # 5
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
That makes sense! And yea I think ya’ll definitely could do it yourselves… I would probably still get the leaders guide so then maybe…
Ya’ll can read the chapters in the reg book and then refer to the leaders guide for how to process…
I know that things our pastor has brought up from his guide have had a different perspective than our books.
Definitely be praying for you guys… & definitely start praying together about it (if you don’t already) ESPECIALLY before ya’ll review your chapters together… keep you guys open & unified so that strife starting little enemy can’t come in and get ya’ll at ends with each other 😉
Goodluck & Enjoy…. I am SOOOOOO glad we’ve started & are doing this!
Post # 6
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
We’re using Preparing for Marriage as well. If you can meet with a pastor, it is worth it!! Even if you’re only together for a short amount of time, it is time well spent!
Post # 7
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
@Miss_Baker YAY!!! Another Preparing for Marriage Bride…. =)
Post # 8
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
We used Prepare to Last through our church. You can buy it online and do it together when you’re spending time together! It was an awesome program! I really recommend it.
The first part of the program is the “couple checkup” which you can do from your separate locations online. It basically gives you like a 12 page look at where your beliefs and thoughts match up, and gives an assesment of places you can work on with each other.
Then you follow the lessons (there are like 8) that are on a DVD (so there’s really not much boring reading! Fiance loved that), and then during each lesson, you work through the chapter in the book and there’s a “date night” for each lesson, which some were super fun! One of them was to “go out to eat and work through a couple pages in the book” another was to “goto the mall, and have Fiance buy a stuffed animal and hide it. Then he is supposed to call you on the phone and direct you to it from a central location.”
It’s really hands on, and not as boring as some book classes can be. The DVDs are also quite hilarious! It’s like watching a stand-up routine!
Post # 9
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
We are in pre marital counseling also. We meet with our pastor one sunday a month for about 2 hours or so, depending on what questions stem from the conversation. We are reading a book called “This Momentary Marriage” by John Piper. It is a great book so far, we have only read 4 chapters. We read a chapter a week, and then on Fridays I pick Fiance up from work, and we go to a starbucks or panera, or we have a picnic at the park (when weather starts to warm up soon, I hope) and talk about the chapter. I know your LDR, but talking about a chapter or 2 a week might help bring you closer.
Our pastor suggested we do that so that we get in the roles of communicating, and my Fiance leads the conversation so he gets in the role of a husband being the decison maker. Fiance is so kind, it is hard for him to make the final decision sometimes.
Our pastor also suggested to us “When Sinners Say I Do.” We havent looked into that one yet, but that is what he and his wife used 7 yeras ago when they got married.
Hope this helps!!
Post # 10
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
We were long distance for our whole engagement. We ended up going through a book over the phone and our visits, and then we met with our pastor to discuss it in about 3 hours all at once (not ideal, but it worked!)
In addition, we read some other books together. Books we liked:
Before You Say I Do
When Sinners Say I Do
Sheet Music
Post # 11
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
Wow, thank you all so much. I will look into all these books/DVD’s when I get home from work tonight. Hopefully one of them will strike a chord with us and will fulfill what we hope to get out of the premarital counseling without the minister who will actually be marrying us being involved.
If anyone has any more suggestions, I would certainly welcome them!
