(Closed) Pre Marital Counseling Questions… and FI is having a hard time answering them.

posted 7 years ago in Christian
Post # 4
46672 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t be uncomfortable answering those questions, but that’s not the point.

I am sure that your Fiance is not the only person who has trouble putting words to his feelings.

Tell him that you realize this is difficult for him and assure him that you will support him during the counseling sessions.

Post # 5
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Personally, I wouldn’t have a problem answering these, but I can see how some might find them invasive, especially if he’s a private person.  I’d push back on the pastor and say he’s not comfortable with it.

I don’t really understand how these are going to help with the counseling, either.  I thought most pre-marital counseling was geared towards talking about how you’ll handle life situations like kids, money, family holidays, etc.

Maybe as a compromise you guys can fill them out and then just share them with each other.


Post # 6
16191 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Do you know how your pastor is going to use these questions in your counseling? Understanding that might make it easier for your Fiance to answer them or easier for you to understand his concerns.

Post # 7
13292 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with PPs, I wouldn’t be uncomfortable answering them, but if he were a very private person, I could see how they’d be harder to answer.  Unfortunately, I don’t know an easy answer for this, because the pastor won’t be thrilled if he refuses to answer these seemingly basic questions. Good luck!

Post # 8
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011


I know neither Darling Husband or I would have an issue with these but I could see how someone might.

Like the:

  • What do they do that drives you crazy – b/c he may not want to hurt your feelings
  • What was your first impression – b/c it may not have been the purest.. lol
  • What is the most embarrassing – b/c well he may just feel insecure about it

Otherwise I think they’re pretty common questions to ask.. not too deep, but some to get an idea of your relationship.

Post # 10
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d love answering those questions and seeing how our answers matched up.  I’m a pretty private person and I don’t find them invasive.  Maybe he has stuff he doesn’t want the Pastor or you to know, or maybe the entire congregation!

Post # 12
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

These questions seem to be quite personal to me:

  • When was the moment you thought you were falling in Love?

  • What is the most embarrassing/awkward moment so far in your relationship?

  • When did you realize that this was the person you wanted to marry?

  • What is the most loyal/endearing/sacrificial thing your partner has done for you?

I would answer them anyway, but I feel there are some things special to a couple that I would want to keep between the two of us.  Aside from the most embarrassing question, that is – that one is just, well, embarrassing! LOL

Post # 13
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

My Fiance would have trouble with them, I think.  He’s extremely private and wouldn’t want to be sharing these types of thoughts with a stranger.

Post # 14
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know neither of us had any issues with any of those questions since those are pretty darn similar to what our pastor asked us, but I also know that we both had trouble putting our thoughts into words on some of the questions.  

The end result was so worth the struggle for us though.  Both of us got a bit more insight into the other person, and our ceremony was just that much more personalized because of it (our pastor used a couple of quotes).  I loved reading what my husband had written.  It brought tears to my eyes!

Post # 15
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Please describe your impression of them.
Please describe you first date and what you thought afterwards.
When was the moment you thought you were falling in Love?

Not everybody is head over heals from the very beginning. Sometimes, one person is more into the other, and sometimes, interest grows over time. He might be worried that the answers would not be what you expect?

Post # 16
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t mind answering these to my Darling Husband privately, but I wouldn’t be thrilled at the prospect of having to share it with a 3rd party. We’re not very public about things like that.

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