(Closed) Pre Marital Counseling Questions… and FI is having a hard time answering them.

posted 9 years ago in Christian
Post # 17
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

DH and I struggled with this. We’re private people and we didn’t necesarily like talking about our personal feelings with each other in front of the counselor (who was religious).

I don’t think it’s a problem that your DH can’t answer them in front of a counselor, but he should be able to tell YOU in private all of these questions.

Post # 18
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If this person has been asked by you two to perform YOUR ceremony. When you go into counseling, their job is to ask probing questions… and make you feel uncomfortable. I go on my own and that’s what gets you to a point of enlightenment. It’s not going to be used against you. My FH and I went to counseling at the church and the answers were good for us to hear… whether you want to or not.

Post # 21
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

maybe he’s afraid he’ll say the “wrong thing”.  

Post # 23
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Mrs_Amanda:  I wouldn’t be uncomfortable answering these questions, but I can see how a private person might be, or have difficulty putting words to their feelings of someone they love so much. Perhaps he can just keep his answers short or “safe” to still get the point across and get something out of the exercise without compromising anything too personal.

It appears natural that these questions would come at the beginning of a premarital counseling process. It seems the main purpose of the questions is for the pastor to get to know your history as a couple so he can better officiate the ceremony itself, as well as lead toward premarital counseling topics about your future later during counseling. Blessings and good luck to you both!

Post # 24
1012 posts
Bumble bee

He’s a dude.  He probably cant answer half of them because he cant remember or cant articulate what he wants to say. 

View original reply
@GroovyHippieChick:  Or probably this. 

Post # 25
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We are also doing pre-marital counseling with my pastor back in WA; he gave us a book of questions to fill out and discuss between just me and my Fiance, unless we choose to discuss it with him. My pastor in CA wants us to do the counseling, discuss it between me and my Fiance, and give him the answers a few weeks before the wedding. I find it weird that your pastor would not want you to discuss the answers with your Fiance.

Post # 27
11 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

My Fiance sounded like a huge dummy in counseling because he couldn’t come up with the reasons why he loved me, lol. He’s really not very good at getting emotions out into a formal thought, so I kind of took over a little bit and we both pretty emotional by the end of my explanation.  I think the point was made.  The pastor has to understand that sometimes one person isn’t good at putting things into words!

Could you maybe consider getting a list of questions every time before you go to counseling, that way your Fiance has time to gather his thoughts in a way that still retains privacy, but sufficiently answers the question?  We do similar things for kids at school who get too nervous when put on the spot to answer questions 🙂

Sounds like you’re already kind of doing that, but just to be extra sure he’s not in a bad spot.

Post # 28
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

there at least 6 questions that i know both hubby and i would have problems answering because we are a very relaxed couple that doesnt read too deep into things 

Post # 29
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I almot dread Pre Marital, becau although I know that we can talk in depth, it has taken us some time to get there. I am very much a talker and am open to an extent. He is far more introverted and doesn’t trust people outside of family to share.  Perhaps your Fiance is similar, and doesn’t feel comfortable in that situation. good luck!

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