Ok, I had nothing to be nervous about LOL, It was kinda like an interview for the first session, He gave us a small packet that has homework for us to do, and he explained the layout of what we will be doing in all the sessions. In that packet he gave us, it has a short article by JoAnn Rogers, titled ‘Prepare yourself for marriage” I would like to share that with you bees:
The way couples handle the invitation list, flower arrangements, and inevitable tensions and hassles of their wedding day is a good test of how well their marriages will work, according to a Chicago social scientist.
Unfortunately, says Kathleen Stin-knafl of the University of Illinois Medical Center, couples who fail this test and begin to suspect they may not be meant for each other aren’t likely to call off the nuptials. Contrary to popular belief, she told the American Association for the Advancement of Science, the “engagement period is rarely used by couples to truly prepare for married life, in terms of resolving some of the problems they are bound to face.” Instead, her studies of 20 engaged couples before and after their wedding show that most of their efforts are concentrated on wedding plans. Interviews with the couples showed that while they associated their engagements and courtship’s with carefree pleasurable experiences, planning their weddings was reported to be difficult and full of emotional pitfalls.
“To successfully stage a wedding, the couple must negotiate and implement a number of decisions. They have to integrate their views as to the type of wedding each would like, what their parents and peers expect and the financial constraints of their situation.” Some couples see and use this time as an opportunity to work together, others see this as “women work,” making perhaps a first move in the direction of a fairly conventional definition of marital roles. In either case, planning the wedding can become something of a testing ground for couples being able to assume or negotiate a workable satisfying relationship.
“If this is the case, it would seem that all the work, frustration and stress so typically surrounding wedding planning serves a useful purpose. The catch is that even if one discovers in the course of planning that a workable, satisfying relationship is not likely it remains at best extremely difficult to call off a wedding once arrangements are well underway.”
The results in most cases, the researcher said, is that couples give the relationship the “benefit of the doubt” and enter marriage with “vague and typically highly idealistic beliefs about what life together will hold for them.” Accounts of their married life later on, she said, more closely resemble descriptions of their wedding planning than the romantic expectations of their engagements. “We have concluded that couples simply do not use their engagements as a time to actively prepare for marriage.” she said.
Just thought that was interesting and wanted to share… I am really looking forward to going to our next session, i think going through this will really benefit our marriage in the future!