Post # 1
I had been going to the church I’d gone to since I was a little girl, but was having trouble with the new pastor that had been called (nothing wrong with him, his style just wasn’t mine). I heard that my childhood pastor (we’ll call him Pastor A) had accepted an interim position for another church in the area, so I started going there to hear him preach. I loved him as a child, and had fond memories of him. This new church is where I met SO. SO really likes Pastor A, and has enjoyed building a relationship with him in his time as interim. However, as Pastor A is an interim, his time with the new church is coming to a close in a few weeks, as we’ve called a new pastor to our church.
SO and I have been talking about marriage for quite a while (he is absolutely, not a doubt in my mind The One), and he’s flat out told me that we’ll be engaged as soon as he can afford the ring (not sure how long that will be, not pressing to find out, but probably not 2013). SO has his heart set on Pastor A marrying us, and spoke with him today about starting premarital counselling before he left. Pastor A agreed to it, and we’re going to be starting premarital counselling on SATURDAY. THIS SATURDAY.
TL;DR Starting premarital counselling on Saturday, but we’re probably not going to be engaged until 2014 at the earliest (unless SO has me REALLY fooled).
Is this unusual? What should I expect? Are there going to be some things that don’t pertain to us, since we’re not formally engaged?
Any help or advice would be very much appreciated.
Post # 3
@nutmeg36: I had never heard of anyone doing this pre-engagement. But he will probably lead it as though you are engaged. He will bring up the same topics and questions. And help make sure you want to be together.
Will your pastor be willing to travel back to your town to marry you guys in the future?
Post # 4
@LeonardLady: Yes, he has young grandkids in the area he loves to visit, so it’s not an inconvenience for him. I had never heard of it either! SO is the one who spoke with him, and I have so many questions! I guess I’ll have to wait and see on Saturday (which seems SO FAR AWAY NOW!)
Post # 5
@nutmeg36: it sounds like you ARE engaged, you just don’t have a ring. I am in the same boat- we’re not official until I have a ring and her are wedding planning, but for all intents we ARE engaged because we talk planning to marry. So I don’t see how your counseling would be any different- it’s for people who plan to be married. The only thing different would be that you’ll wait to set a date for the actual ceremony.
Post # 6
@MexiPino: I suppose we are informally engaged. I don’t need a ring from him to feel as though it was formal, but I do want him to actually ask me 🙂
Post # 7
to me, it sounds like you are engaged without a ring, so it doesn’t seem weird that you are meeting with the Pastor
Post # 8
@SweetFlower: I’m trying not to consider myself engaged until he actually asks me the question (ring or no ring). I know SO does not consider us engaged, either. That having been said, I’m glad that it doesn’t seem weird!! I hadn’t ever heard of anyone doing that before, and was questioning if it was usual.
Post # 9
I’ve heard of people taking pre-matrial counseling before marriage so no I don’t think it is weird. I don’t think it could hurt… I think you approach the questioning and assignments as if you were engaged.
Post # 10
I don’t think it’s weird at all. The sooner you start, the better in my opinion. I loveee answering premarital counseling questions with my fi. It brings us so much closer. Why don’t you google premarital counseling questions and try out a few with your so for practice?
Post # 11
There is a program at a church in my college town that does pre-engagement counseling as well as pre-marital. The pre-engagement counseling helps the couple see what marriage is all about before becoming engaged. it’s like an introductory course. I don’t think it’s weird, although I did think it was weird before it was explained to me.
Post # 12
@nutmeg36: It is different that Pastor has done this before actual engagement, but it sounds like you technically are engaged without the ring, so he won’t do anything differently with you. I hope you enjoy it and take a lot from it. No matter how good of communication you have, you can always learn something new. Make sure to discuss topics that are important to each of you and problems that you anticipate could arise in the future (such as family interferance when children arrive–that was one of ours).
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@nutmeg36: I mean if you’re doing it at the request/direction of your pastor then I don’t see anything wrong with starting counseling early. If you were seeking counseling on your own prior to being engaged due to issues you were already havng, I would be a bit concerned. But your case is different. It doesn’t hurt to have additional time for counseling to make sure you are both fully committed and on the same page.
Post # 14
I actually think this is a phenomenal idea! Going through the rigors of premarital counseling — without the pressures of a wedding date looming on the horizon (and the requirements of non-refundable, vendor deposits influencing your decisions about whether or not to move forward with a wedding) is actually extremely wise, and I think more people should consider it.
Post # 15
I too am awaiting the official engagement. Don’t need a ring (since I don’t wear jewelry) I just want him to ask. I don’t think it is strange at all since I too am about to do the same thing. Maybe next month.
Post # 16
@Brielle: I totally agree…
Just view it as information sessions that will make you both better partners whether you are technically engaged or not…EVERYONE has room for improvement!