(Closed) Pre-Marital Counselling BEFORE Engagement

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@nutmeg36:  I had never heard of anyone doing this pre-engagement. But he will probably lead it as though you are engaged. He will bring up the same topics and questions. And help make sure you want to be together. 

Will your pastor be willing to travel back to your town to marry you guys in the future?

Post # 5
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@nutmeg36:  it sounds like you ARE engaged, you just don’t have a ring. I am in the same boat- we’re not official until I have a ring and her are wedding planning, but for all intents we ARE engaged because we talk planning to marry. So I don’t see how your counseling would be any different- it’s for people who plan to be married. The only thing different would be that you’ll wait to set a date for the actual ceremony. 

Post # 7
930 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

to me, it sounds like you are engaged without a ring, so it doesn’t seem weird that you are meeting with the Pastor

Post # 9
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ve heard of people taking pre-matrial counseling before marriage so no I don’t think it is weird. I don’t think it could hurt… I think you approach the questioning and assignments as if you were engaged. 

Post # 10
1228 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think it’s weird at all. The sooner you start, the better in my opinion. I loveee answering premarital counseling questions with my fi. It brings us so much closer. Why don’t you google premarital counseling questions and try out a few with your so for practice?

Post # 11
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

There is a program at a church in my college town that does pre-engagement counseling as well as pre-marital. The pre-engagement counseling helps the couple see what marriage is all about before becoming engaged. it’s like an introductory course. I don’t think it’s weird, although I did think it was weird before it was explained to me. 

Post # 12
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@nutmeg36:  It is different that Pastor has done this before actual engagement, but it sounds like you technically are engaged without the ring, so he won’t do anything differently with you. I hope you enjoy it and take a lot from it. No matter how good of communication you have, you can always learn something new. Make sure to discuss topics that are important to each of you and problems that you anticipate could arise in the future (such as family interferance when children arrive–that was one of ours).

Post # 13
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@nutmeg36:  I mean if you’re doing it at the request/direction of your pastor then I don’t see anything wrong with starting counseling early.  If you were seeking counseling on your own prior to being engaged due to issues you were already havng, I would be a bit concerned.  But your case is different.  It doesn’t hurt to have additional time for counseling to make sure you are both fully committed and on the same page.

Post # 14
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I actually think this is a phenomenal idea! Going through the rigors of premarital counseling — without the pressures of a wedding date looming on the horizon (and the requirements of non-refundable, vendor deposits influencing your decisions about whether or not to move forward with a wedding) is actually extremely wise, and I think more people should consider it.

Post # 15
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014



I too am awaiting the official engagement. Don’t need a ring (since I don’t wear jewelry) I just want him to ask. I don’t think it is strange at all since I too am about to do the same thing. Maybe next month.

Good luck!

Post # 16
2131 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

@Brielle:  I totally agree…


Just view it as information sessions that will make you both better partners whether you are technically engaged or not…EVERYONE has room for improvement!


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