Post # 1
I have my wedding in just under 2 months. I have a very commited, loving Fiance but I have almost constant doubts -not about him but about my desire and ability to be married.
I’m unsure if these doubts are “the enemy” getting in, trying to ruin God’s plan for me, or if they are a clear signal that I am not ready. I am conscieous that I am giving the enemy a foothold by saying negitive things, like “I don’t think this will work” and “I don”t want to get married!”
I love my bloke, but I don’t see how it can work (because I have witnessed marital breakdown x3) I veiw singleness as a much easier form of life, and so I desire sparing myself the pain of being married… however he loves me so much, he won’t let me go. (I have tried, but we always recconcile!)
Before meeting my Fiance, God has said to me that I will know true unity in my life, and “let me provide a man who will love you.” He has also affirmed us in visons and pictures, some pertaining to us being two halves of a whole.
I think I need prayer! If you have some perspective on this, please post below!
Post # 3
@Circusbee: Just because you’ve seen marital breakdown, doesn’t mean it will happen to you. God can make your marriage strong! I’ve seen it (marriage breakdown) with my best friend, parents, and brother. But ours is going strong and now I’m here as a future mother of the bride. I said a prayer for you.
Post # 4
I’m not even remotely religious, but I think it’s perfectly normal to have doubts about marriage before it happens. It’s a scary thing to say “Yes, I will spend the rest of my life with this person. I will never consider relationships with another person. This person will be the mother/father of my children. We will live together, faults and all, until one of us dies (hopefully not for a while!).” I’ve only been married a few days, so I’m still in the mode of freaking out about the huge commitment I’ve made – I usually won’t even buy a new saucepan without thinking it through for weeks, so marriage took a lot of resolve and working through doubts.
Post # 5
“Before meeting my Fiance, God has said to me that I will know true unity in my life, and “let me provide a man who will love you.”
This is a beautiful statement, beloved.
I know this might sound cliche but it’s normal to have these kind of doubts, especially when you’re about to move into another big phase of your life.
Remember that Paul said it’s better to be married than burn with passion (/lust), and also Jesus told us that the way would be narrow and hard, not wide and easy.
Hope that helped and didn’t sound too “Bible thumpin’!” lol
Post # 6
I will be praying for you that God provides some clarity on his will for you. It must feel awful to feel like you do. Keep your chin up 🙂
Post # 7
Are there extenuating circumstances? Are you very young (under 25) or inexperienced (ie your Fiance is one of only a few people you’ve dated, for example). Warning bells don’t mean that “the enermy” is getting in, they usually mean that there are legitimate reasons you should be exploring as to why this might not be a great fit for you.
Post # 8
i think, if you don’t have some fears before getting married, then you do not understand the true gravity of the commitment you are making to this other person. not only is it normal, but it is important to truly weigh the importance of this day in your mind and reconcile it with yourself.
Post # 9
It’s important to think critically about major life decisions. And there’s never an easy line in the sand to draw between “normal jitters” and “red flags”. I mean, there are obviously cases that are clearly one or the other, but there is a huge middle ground between the two and the line is fuzzy at best.
First off, I think it’s absolutely a good thing that you’re nervous a little to get married. It’s a huge decision (and, remember, one that you haven’t made yet; don’t trick yourself into thinking it’s a done deal until it actually is a done deal). Huge decisions should be nerve-wracking; if they’re not, I think that’s an indication that you haven’t realized the enormity of what you’re choosing to do.
Whenever I’m having a hard time making a big decision, I go to a small, quiet chapel by myself and just listen, both to what my inner voice is telling me in the quiet, and what God is trying to get through to me. If there’s something wrong with the path I’m going down, I know it the minute I get in a quiet pew. Give that a go.
Post # 10
Check out Conscoius Transitions website. It will help you work through your doubts. Marriage is a huge transition and anxiety is not uncommon.
Post # 11
You are doubting your own abilities yet you have extreme faith in God and in your Fiance. You need to have faith that God will give you the tools to make your marriage work. If you are concerned, speak with your religious advisor (don’t know your denomination). I am personally not an overly religious person, although I do have spiritual belief. I have witness my ENTIRE immediate family get divorced. I do not have an aunt, uncle or grandparent who has been in a relationship that has stood the test of time. But I firmly believe that my FH and I can make it through. Marriage requires, Love, Faith, Hope and Work, if you believe in love, you have to have faith that God will show you how to make your marriage work. The faith you have in God and your Fiance, you need to have that in yourself 🙂
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy
@najordan89: Paul also said not to marry if it can be avoided. . .
Idk. I see this as a normal doubting process.. There’s roughly a 50% chance that any marriage ends in divorce.. And all those ones who stayed together weren’t necessarily happy! We all are either stupid and ignoring the statistics by getting married, or we have found something that makes it worth the risk. (And the work… Because it will take a lot of work.)
if she isn’t ready to bet it all… Maybe it’s best she think about the concrete reasons rather than the “promises” she believes she heard or how much her fiancé loves her. He deserves someone who desperately wants to commit the rest of her life to him. Maybe it’s this girl.. Maybe thinking logically will bring her to that conclusion.
Post # 14
@TwoStatesBride: Absolutely this. If you go into something this serious without any doubts or worries, I have to wonder if you really understand what a big commitment you’re making.
@crayfish: Neither of those reasons are reasons to doubt getting married (being young or only having dated a few people) IMO. Abuse, cheating, addiction, financial instability ect are reasons not to get married, even being uneduacted has more of an impact on whether or not your marriage will survive than whether you are under 25 (once you get to 20 your odds are not much worse than if you’re 25). I do agree though that having doubts is not a sign that the devil is trying to ruin god’s plans for you.</p>
<p>OP I am not at all religious either, but this sounds like cold feet to me, you’re not doubting him, you’re doubting marriage because of the experiences others have had with it. However, if your doubts are strong enough for you to try and leave him then I think maybe there are real issues here that need to be addressed. Do you have someone you could speak to about this? Maybe a pastor? Marriage is a huge deal, and you are obviously taking it very seriously. It’s not bad to have some doubts, that shows you are understand what a huge commitment you are making.</p>
Post # 15
@najordan89: Very helpfull, Thankyou!
Post # 16
@crayfish: I am 25 and my Fiance isn’t my first love, but certainly the best and richest, and the only one I feel I would make sacrifices for. I know the reason for my doubts is ME. I have spent a lifetime doubting the institution of marriage, and training myself for a single life.
@Quickiebee: Paul does say it’s best to be single, which is actually the crux of my dilemma. Having prepared myself for a single life, it bambozles me that God should bring around a man that I can love, who wants to marry me. I love him because he first loved me! It exactly replicates my relationship with Jesus! I know that is a good foundation for marriage, IE Groom=christ and bride=church, it is a mystery but I can see that shadowed in our relationship. Oh, but the single life is so much easier!
I spoke with my Fiance last night, and he at last has admitted that he has been having doubts too. This is a great comfort to me, it makes me feel we can work them out together and share the doubting process! It also shows me he is taking it seriously. However, he still wants to go ahead with the June Wedding. So do I, although it makes no logical sence.
I love him so much, I want to share everything with him. Even this thread!
@paula1248: Thankyou for your prayer, and anybody else who has prayed too. 🙂 I believe in God’s goodness.