(Closed) Pre-marital intimacy

posted 5 years ago in Christian
Post # 2
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

elodie.joseph.7:  Didnt want to read and run but don’t have time for a full reply right now so I shall do it later explaining our situation. X

Post # 4
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

elodie.joseph.7:  Before we were married my husband and I went through this. We are both Christian but have/had differing views on the topic of sex before marriage. He had had sex in a prior relationship whereas I had never had full on sex. It was a struggle and, whilst we never had full on sex, we were, like you, intimate in other ways. There were times where I would want to but we never would because Darling Husband knew how much I would probably regret it afterwards. 

Am I glad we never went the whole way? Absolutely. Do I regret doing the things we did? I honestly do not know.

You’ll have some Christian couples who don’t view sex before marriage as a problem whereas others will. However, I think you will struggle to find a couple in the second group who have not struggled with the issue of intimacy before marriage. This may be through physically doing intimate acts together or through dealing with the issue mentally. If anybody told me they had never had sexual feelings towards their Fiance then I would question it. It is completely natural to have them, after all, God gave them to us. But just because they are there doesn’t mean we should act on them all the time.

I don’t really know what to advise for you. I think now that you have started being intimate it will be a struggle to stop but it might be possible. When we were going out/engaged I wondered about seeing someone about it but Darling Husband said no – they may cause you to suppress your feelings that, when it is right to act on them, might not come out so it could have an adverse affect. 

Only you and your Fiance can truly know what is best for you. 

Post # 5
Member
245 posts
Helper bee

be encouraged by the restraint you are already showing, set limits and stay away from tempting situations (if you live separately, don’t do sleepovers if possible for example). glad i’m not the only christian in a very long, celibate relationship! 7 years to wedding day for us!

Post # 6
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

What on earth is the “right way?” and how do you feel you are doing it wrong?

 

Post # 7
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

elodie.joseph.7:  Can you just have a quick and private wedding/ceremony before your scheduled wedding?

Post # 9
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

elodie.joseph.7: Sex has never ever been seen as a bad thing in our marriage. Not to blow our own trumpets but we’ve never had a bad “session”. I know the stereotypical view about the first time is that it isn’t very good and very painful but I didn’t find that. Yes, it was uncomfortable but not enough to make me think, “this is awful”. I do partly attribute this to waiting and part of me wonders if we had had sex beforehand would it have been as good, I don’t know.

Post # 10
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview

elodie.joseph.7:  I have have this conversation with friends of mine who were trying to kind of “slow down” their intimacy. I would suggest not being alone at your homes. Instead, go out to coffee shops, libraries, movie dates, etc. This will limit your chances of being intimate. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

elodie.joseph.7:  1st off you should be commended because many give in to temptation ecspecially when you are together for such a long time. I agree with mmnnhh avoiding places that will be easy to give in to temptation, any dark isolated areas even the movies you have to be careful with, Driving in seperate cars is also a plus, But above all the #1 thing as a Christian that will help you to be patient is (1 Cor 10:31) Reminding us that no matter what decision we make in life we must ask ourselves is this truly glorifying or honoring God.

Hope this helps & Congradulations!

Post # 12
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

My husband and I lived together before marriage (i know- and Im an HA girl too), realized after our engagement that we both did not want to enter into a catholic marriage while in that intimate situation, so we ceased all sexual contact and still managed to live together. It was really difficult (really) but its kind of like quitting anything else, you just have to do it…or well in your case not do it…

Post # 13
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

First of all, I am wowed that you two have been together for 6 years and have kept yourselves from having sex. What amazing commitment!

My Fiance and I have struggled as well.

It has helped to set boundaries. Most important I think is we both have accountability partners that we check in with at least weekly. My partner is actually my matron of honor! Sometimes I dread the question: “how is your physical purity going?” But it’s really helpful! Also, my FI’s roommate is very attentive 🙂 he never lets us be alone for extended periods of time. He will also call my Fiance when he’s visiting my apt to let him know that it is late and time to come home. 

My MOH/ accountability partner did tell me that it is important to understand God’s grace. It is difficult/ impossible to dust your hands of a sin and walk away. But improvement can be seen in length between occurances, seeing warning signs more quickly, and repenting more quickly. Unfortunatley, sexual sin is like a dimmer switch- it’s hard to see the lines sometime. But it’s important to know that each day is a new day and there is always forgiveness. 

You are so close! I know you’ll make it and have no guilt on your wedding day!

Post # 14
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

This is amazing. This was a goal of mine and I failed at it. I just went into too many tempting situations and eventually gave in. I regret it to this day (At least with that relationship. It wasn’t a good one and that was one reason I gave in). I just wanted to tell you I admire your strength and so does God! 

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