- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2018
Been together 4.5 years. Engaged to be wed soon. Help.
We are in trouble, our relationship is turmoil. Our ethical ideals, priorities, and logical thought processes do not align; even more concerning, is that they clash in a cacophony of titanic proportion. I am always walking on eggshells, and never successful in my attempts. I tread wrongly. She is most often angry toward me, and if not me, then someone. The constant negativity, entitlement, and overall malaise is killing me.
We have a near 6 month old daughter, and are engaged to be wed in September. I feel absolutely lost and powerless in any effort to live in bliss, at this point, I would settle for melancholic contentment. I’m becoming increasingly terrified.
I come from a broken home, and strive to prevent that from happening to my beloved daughter with all of my will. It made my childhood extremely short and difficult, because of it, I remember very little of actually being a child. Perhaps some sort of unintentional mental blockage. I refuse to let this happen to my little girl.
We live in an older house on a 5 acre plot in the country. Can you spell w-o-r-k? I am a heavy duty mechanic by trade (think big cranes and the like), all around DIY advocate, and a spouse-defined know it all. Along with my lust for knowledge, and understanding of how things work, these conditions and personal traits serve to occupy much of my time with home repairs, vehicle repairs, and everything else you can imagine in the sub-categories of the fore-mentioned occupations. I enjoy these things. I excel at these things. My significant other does not find joy in these tasks. She also does not enjoy that I devote my time to them – without which, the investment that is a home would fall to pieces. It serves to steal my time that would otherwise be spent doting on my Fiancee. As you can imagine, this does not bode well, and as such, has created a deep reciprocating resentment. Backstory – at the onset of our relationship, It was I who owned my house and sold it on her request to alleviate her feeling of living in my ex’s house. As it was very early in our relationship, I made most of the decisions about choosing the new house (all my years of responsible home ownership should count for something right?). I regret this, and it is dangled above my head every time there is a disagreement, but here we are now – and hence her resentment toward me, and the house. I hear it daily that the house is the source of our problems.
This is all also effecting me in my personal life and career. I feel as though I am losing (lost?) my confidence, work ethic, and passionate zest through emulation. I used to be extremely proficient at my job. See: “used to be”. I am constantly distracted. My ambitious nature is wavering. Although historically mentally stable, I feel like I am a soft nudge from spiralling down an infinite staircase of instability and sorrow.
Of course as a young, single income family, we are also maniacally struggling financially – which I’m certain only serves to amplify the underlying disrespect and resentment which drives our issues.
Is there hope?