Dude. You use so many words that are just NOT used by most of the “populace.” I surely hope you don’t actually speak this way in real life. That would be exhausting.
I think you are entirely too focused on your ego and on being “seen in a villainous light.” (wtf?)
You’ve mentioned your ego multiple times in just a few comments.
You say your wife calls you a know it all.
You mention she has issues with how much time you dedicate to fixing things around the house instead of engaging with her and your child, but in the same breath, you state that you get all your self-esteem from these tasks, thereby blaming HER for your weakening resolve/identity/ego/whatever.
You say you don’t want to place the blame on her, but the entire rest of your initial post and follow up comments do exactly that.
I’m diagnosing fragile ego that needs constant bolstering – which you give it in the form of (emotionally) easy manual labor.
You’re not challenging yourself here. You’re taking the easy way out. You’re neglecting your wife and child emotionally because emotions are hard for you and don’t bolster your ego.
And instead of listening to your wife when she pleads with you to do right by her, and to consider her needs, you resent her for daring to try to come between you and the manual labor that is so easy for you and you get so much personal gratification from.
You’re being selfish and fragile.
And I get it. I used to be exactly that way, specifically because of all the childhood trauma I endured.
We come out of childhood trauma very selfish and fragile. Selfish because that is the only way you can survive the trauma in the first place. Fragile because instead of being healthy, whole people, we are a collection of unhealthy defense mechanisms plastered together well enough to resemble a “normal” human being to the casual observer.
All we do is go around looking for sources of ego-bolstering because we know we are broken and are desparately trying to figure out how to fix ourselves, and since ego-bolstering provides immediately satisfaction and feels so good, we turn to that like a drug addict turns to their drug of choice.
And we avoid anything and everything that makes us doubt ourselves because it is so incredibly painful. You hate the feedback you’re getting because it’s not bolstering your ego. It’s causing you actual pain.
So here you are, stuck, the villain who can’t admit to himself he’s the villain without having a complete ego-breakdown because he’s so fragile.
You will continue knocking your head into this wall and driving your family deeper and deeper into this downward spiral until you actually get yourself some therapy that is specifically targeted at childhood trauma (c-PTSD) and identity crisis. You need to read up on Ego Suppression, and start meditation. Read up on Mindfulness. Listen to Brene Brown’s “The Power of Vulnerability.” You can watch a portion of her YouTube talk online.
I feel for your wife and your child if you’re not able to grow past this pain. But I also feel for you, because I know how horrible and confusing it feels to be trapped behind that wall.