(Closed) Pre Marital Questions?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

@orchidaloha:  

This ties into the others but…

Religion!

I’m practicing Jewish, and that’s non-negotiable to me… my husband doesn’t have to be Jewish, but he needs to understand that we have a Jewish household/family.

Post # 4
Member
7213 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@laughs:  +1 my Fiance and I had this really a couple months into dating. 

Maybe this ties into home life and kids but a discussion about if someone will stop working to take care of the kids should take place as well. I know some people who have very strong beliefs about the mom staying at home while others would not want to give up their career.

Post # 5
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It should also be discussed who had what responsibilities, what you both expect from marriage as well

Post # 6
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Moving – Do you expect to stay in your hometowns your entire lives, do you want to live elsewhere in the states or abroad, are you willing to pick up and move if your partner gets a good job opportunity?

Post # 7
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Careers.  Darling Husband and I decided that his career will take precedent for now.  And, we will be living/working around where his career takes us. 

Post # 8
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t really think pets are a dealbreaker, but I agree with the rest! I can’t imagine marrying someone and not having talked about these things.

Post # 9
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I would also add outside interests/friends. I couldn’t be with someone that was not going to be all right with me having “me time” and time with my girlfriends even after we get married. I need my Girls lol

Post # 10
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would talk about boundaries and chores and your expectations. Boundaries can involve family, habits, different things like that. Chores, or responsibilities, is a good one because there may be things you don’t do now that he would like you to do or vice versa.

Post # 11
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

-Religion and what faith, if any, do you want to raise your children

-Family: as in how you plan to spend holidays.  It’s also probably a good idea to discuss how your families did things growing up and what kind of influence they’ve had on you.  That way you can have a general understanding of where the other person is coming from.

-How to handle work + kids:  Is someone going to stay home with the kids while the other parent works?  What about daycare? Who’s going stay home with or pick up a sick kid?

-Careers: Are you willing to more across the contry if one spouse is offered a dream job? How do you plan to handle career changes?

-Vacations: Who picks?  How often do you go?  What kind of vacations do you like to go on? 

-Short and long term goals:  Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20 years?  When do you want to have kids?  Do you plan to travel a lot?  Buy a house?

-Home: As in where do you want to live and for how long?  Do you plan to buy a house?  Keep renting?  Don’t care?  How do you plan to maintain your house?  Will/do you have a chore list?

It might also be a good idea to talk about how to communicate your issues with each other.  Sometimes we phrase things in a way that really annoys or upsets the other person.  If someone has an issue with you, how would you like to be told?  How do you dislike being told?  What’s productive and what’s not?

I also HIGHLY recommend pre-martial counseling of some sort.  It will make sure you’ve addressed all of the important topics and give you a common language for communicating.  H and I have a solid relationship with no issues and we still found counseling super helpful.

Post # 12
Member
4333 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Darling Husband and I went through these while we were engaged:276 Questions

Some categories that haven’t been mentioned included – Appearances, Friends, Politics, Community, Charity, Military, the Law, Media, Culture, Leisure, Education, Travel/Vacations, Transportation, Gender Roles (and others). 

Some topics seem obvious, but it’s definitely important to discuss even the obvious ones (like kids and dealbreakers) because it makes you communicate and teaches you how to handle complicated or difficult topics.

 

Post # 13
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

This ties into family, but how much interaction you want with the families of origin. Like how much time you’ll spend with them, how involved they’ll be with your kids, how much financial support you’re willing to provide, what will happen with parents and older relatives as they age and cannot live independently.

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