(Closed) pre-marital sex

posted 7 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I talked about this kind of thing when my Fiance and I talked about previous relationships- perhaps you could ask about previous girlfriends (if you haven’t already) and you know, if the subject comes up, so be it. Unless he asks, about it, I don’t think you need to feel obligated to make a point of saying something.

Post # 4
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

DO NOT TELL HIM.

I can refer to you to at least several hundred posts about a man “not getting over a girls past”.

Honesty is NOT always the best policy.

Post # 5
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeesh. This is a tricky one. I’m not sure how confident I feel about telling you one way or another, BUT, if it’s his first time, there’s no way he’s going to know what to expect so he won’t notice. If it isn’t his first time, and he does notice, then y’all are in the same boat! Good luck, hun.

Post # 6
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If he hasn’t asked, there are only 2 possibilities:

1. He doesn’t care/ doesn’t want to know.

2. The possibility hasn’t occurred to him, in which case he’s probably got some weird expectations and hangups that would make telling him a very bad idea.

Post # 7
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think that if he were to outright ask you then yes, tell him the truth but I don’t think you need to randomly volunteer this information.

Post # 8
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Personally, I feel that honesty is the best policy. He may feel lied to and betrayed if you don’t tell him about your past and wait until your married to divulge the truth. I would be honest. If he truly loves you he should be able to accept your past.

Post # 9
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Seriously? That many people think you should hide something like that from someone you could potentially marry?

I’m going to disagree with PPs. I think you should tell him, and here are a few reasons why.

1. For all you know, he’s been intimate in some way with another girl before and he’s embarrassed to bring it up to you.

2. Good communication is key to a good marriage. This is obviously a big deal to you, and you need to be able to talk to him about things that are bothering you, no matter how embarrassing.

3. What happens if you get married, and then on your wedding night or at any point in the future he finds out about your past and is upset that you never told him? I personally think it’s better to get everything out there and be honest. It’s easier to move past sticky situations when you’re honest about it, than when one person finds out later that the other was dishonest (or even just not upfront) about it.

4. If this guy truly loves you and wants to spend forever with you (not sure how long you’ve been dating but even if you two aren’t sure about marriage yet it still applies), he will be able to get through it. He might be upset, hurt, etc at first. But if he can’t accept you for who you are, then you need to find someone who will. The past has made you who you are, even if you’re not that same person anymore.

My Fiance and I had this type of conversation, though not exactly the same situation, within a month of dating. It was extremely awkward, but we moved past it and I think we’re better now for it, since we don’t have any secrets.

Post # 10
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

 

You and your new man are setting out with pure hearts and all the right desires. Just be honest with him and rededicate yourself  to the Lord and to each other. You are not the only Bee who has had this happen 🙂

Please be honest with him. The Lord knows everything hidden and on your heart. You relationship should mirror Christ and his Bride the Church..you don’t want to have any secrets- they will all be made light eventually!

Post # 12
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think you should tell him. It’s obviously bothering you. Be prepared for him to react negatively, though. <3 Good luck.

Post # 13
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree, this is a tough one.  Since you are posting this on the Chirstian board, I feel compelled to tell you not to lie to him. You should always be honest with each other and keep a good line of communication between you.  That being said, he may not feel it is his business or may not care to dwell on your past relationships.  I do suggest that you two discuss sex before the big night.  I think it’s smart to know what each other’s expectations are. It may be awkward, but it’s an important conversation to have.  If he brings up “your virginity”, then I think you would need to let him know.  Just my opinion:)

Post # 14
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

I personally would not bring it up unless he asks you. If he does ask, be truthful.

If he is the man you say he is, he will still love you and want to marry you regardless of your past.

Post # 15
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

my vote would be for not bringing it up, but telling him the truth if he asks.

Chances are if your virginity was a deal breaker, he would have asked you when you first started dating.

Some guys just don’t want to know either way and will never bring it up, and in that case, you telling him will just be uncomfortable and “oversharing”.

He might have “stuff” in his past he doesn’t want to bring up either, ya know?

Post # 16
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t agree that you just plain *shouldn’t* tell him… I think there is potential he could be very upset and feel like you lied to him (even though omission is different than blatant lying… etc)

I think that you should open up the conversation and see how open he is to it, like maybe by saying something like, “I know we’ve never really talked about this, and I suspect we both have done things in the past that we’ve regretted, but I was wondering if you would have any interest in talking about how far we’ve both gone with people we’ve dated, or if you just want to let the past be the past. Either way is fine with me.” Or something like that.

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