(Closed) Pre Marriage couseling HELP!!!!

posted 7 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow. I never really had to think about it that way.

Darling Husband and I did have sex before marraige, but we only had a couple meetings with our Pastor (not actually counseling). We also had to explain that we’d had sex (actually he said he “knew we had” since we’d been living together for 3 years.) Basically he just encouraged us to abstain for 2 months before the wedding.

I guess what I am saying is, whereas I don’t have a biblical answer for you, maybe you can talk to him about abstaining until your wedding or something?

Post # 5
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This is such a controversial topic, be prepared! Personally, I believe everything is about your relationship with God. If you are right with Him you are right in your heart. Why should that be any different than your relationship with your FH? If both of you have a great relationship with God, and feel fine with what you are doing, your hearts are 100% committed to each other, and feel “married” then I believe your “married.” I feel you don’t have to have a piece of paper to prove your relationship. Their is no way to prove your relationship with God, why should you need to prove your relationship with your FH.

Don’t get me wrong, a marriage ceremony is very beautiful, special and meaningful. I just believe it a public statement of your commitment to one another that has been mutual for some time before the actual wedding.

Post # 6
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

In the eyes of religion yes, you’re in the wrong.  But it should be noted that according to the Bible we’re all sinners anyway so it’s to be expected. πŸ™‚ 

Post # 7
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

We had pre-marital counseling with our pastor but he didn’t ask us anything like that.  Maybe he is more realistic? considering the fact that we live together.  I am a little surprised he went that in depth with you at the beginning.  Is he telling you that you are bad people for having sex before marriage or just trying to make you think more about the meaning of sex?  Do you and your fiance consistently go to his church?

My fiance and I haven’t had sex in a month and we are getting married next weekend.  We aren’t not having sex because the pastor told us to, it just worked out that way since my fiance had pneumonia.  He physically couldn’t have sex for a few weeks and now I am on my period, so whats another week of waiting? 

 

Post # 10
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Something else I thought of? Our Pastor told us back in the old days (or back in the time Jesus walked, I can’t really remember that part of the convo) that God thought of you as married once you had slept together. = ) Maybe you can talk to him about that? It might be in the Bible, but I am not sure.

Post # 11
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

God also tells us to follow the law of the land (unless it is directly against His teaching). So you could say that you’re not married until the state recognizes it as a marriage. I’ve studied whether sex before marriage is wrong in the Bible before… there are some great arguments for both sides. I study the Greek and Hebrew text and try to find the original meaning of the word “sexual immortality”, and honestly couldn’t find anything about sex before marriage. But I know there is a reason that all the people around me (my church family) say it’s wrong… so I’m not quick to rule it out either. I feel that the verses are pointing towards people who go out and have orgies, or have sex with different partners every few days/weeks/whatever.

All this to say… I don’t have any real advice for you. Like I said, I’ve studied sex before marriage many times… but I feel that my want to have sex with my Fiance is influencing my interpretation of verses. If you feel like having sex with your Fiance has hurt your relationship with God, then I would say it was wrong for you to have done so. But if your relationship is unharmed, then I would be more apt to say it’s ok.

Post # 13
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We start our premarital counseling very soon and I know this will come up as well. I am so not looking forward to that part of it. I am not making excuses as I know there is none but it was so hard in the beginning! We had both been single for 5 years! We slipped up a few times, always praying and asking forgiveness after. We have been doing alot better lately as the newness and excitement has worn of a bit, but just a bit, Lol! I am acutally doing better than he is now, maybe becuase he’s a guy and all. I asked God in church this weekend to please have him stop asking or motioning towards… God basically told me I am the one that has to put an end to it becuase I am the one that started it in the first place. We dont get married until September so we are praying for strength between now & then. Oh how I wish we would have waited! How much more special would that night have been!?!? I do feel it has hurt our relationship with God too…

Post # 14
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Maybe you can abstain now before the wedding.

Post # 15
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Check out Sex God by Rob Bell. He does a really good job of covering this topic.

Post # 16
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@kchitw00:

Hi – this is coming from an agnostic, so take it with a grain of salt. But I’m an agnostic who has done a fair amount of study of Christianity. My thinking is that marriage is a spiritual matter, not just a piece of paper, and for a lot of folks until they stand up in front of witnesses and their minister/priest/whatever, they aren’t married in the eyes of their God. Sorry if this bursts your bubble, and I don’t have any judgement towards you, but I think that in religious terms that’s the deal.

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