(Closed) pre-martial counseling with pastor who is related to my bride to be…

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 31
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

An absolute no from me OP, quite quite  inappropriate and I am amazed he doesn’t realise it . I am amazed also  that your fiancee doesn’t see it , and that is perhaps a bigger problem .

Firmly  and finally   find  another Baptist minister to do this and explain once and  for all to her it is no more proper for her uncle to be privy to the marriage details of his niece than it  would be if she was  privy to his.

It is counselling 101 that you don’t professionally counsel family members.


PS it pre marital , martial is something altogether else!  

Post # 32
228 posts
Helper bee

This is wrong on so many levels.  My first thought is that your Fiance not accepting you have a point of view on this that warrants a non confrontational conversation is a red flag.  Over the years I have seen many relationships flounder as the male partner after going along with the female way of doing things suddenly can’t take it any more, up sticks and leave.  The female having had no inkling anything was wrong is devastated.  Don’t be that guy, you have a lifetime of rolling over on issues that matter to you if you keep this up and that will not make for a healthy relationship.  Next session bring this very issue up as a cause of tension in the relationship and maybe your Fiance and her relatives might actually learn something.  Best of luck to you.

Post # 33
1262 posts
Bumble bee

Not crazy in the slightest. It’s best if this message can come from your fiance, as she’s related to him, but he needs to be told that you are so excited to join the family and have him in your lives, but that you have decided it is more appropriate to seek this counseling from someone who is not a member of the family.

Remember that you are an equal party in this relationship. It is kind of you to honor your relationship by agreeing for him to officiate your marriage. Perhaps you could propose a compromise. It’s natural that he’ll want to get to know you before officiating, so how about you arrange to spend time together on a few occasions, while receiving the formal counseling from an outside source?

It seems like all the PPs totally understand your discomfort. I’m left wondering why your fiance doesn’t. Perhaps you could try writing her a letter about it, and explaining it the way you’ve done so here? In any case, part of a relationship is doing what you can to make your partner happy while maintaining your own boundaries, which is exactly what you’re doing. Going along with something that you’re not comfortable with is a recipe for disaster.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  mangosandcats.

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