- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2009
First, I’d like to start off this post by saying that what I’m about to post has nothing to do with your assertion that you would like to do "last resort, psychiatry." 🙂 I say this as I happen to be a psychiatrist.
Now, with that out of the way, I think that there’s a lot more than what you originally stated in your first post. Although you asked about the prenup, it sounds like now you are confused about the relationship in general. I’d hate to say this, but perhaps this is not the right time to be making such a major decision in your life.
Coming out of a divorce is always emotionally traumatizing. On top of this, it sounds like your Fiance has not treated you well at all. You mention that he flirts and makes comments about other women, treats you disrespectfully, and seems to have very little concern about your feelings. It’s important to take a step back and ask yourself if this is the relationship you want to have potentially for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, the truth is that what you see in your Fiance will likely be his behavior after the marriage, and in most cases, things don’t get better. If he’s emotionally neglectful or abusive towards you, there is NO good reason to get married in this situation.
I don’t want to be the one to be so direct, but your Fiance has told you to your face that he doesn’t know if you’re the right person. Before this, he didn’t even know if he ever wanted to be married. This does not sound like a man who is ready for a commitment, much less one to you personally. You can’t force a man to commit to someone, and certainly not to feel like you’re "the one." This isn’t something you can rationalize.
I know that life is tough for you right now, but it might be worth it to look into a loan for yourself so that you don’t have to make this kind of life changing decision. I know it sounds like a hard thing to do, but keep in mind that most residents and doctors start their professional lives with six figure loans and still do just fine. One other thing to consider is that most residencies PAY for your insurance once you start with them. Realistically, you would only have to make it until then.
I am very concerned(and I’m sure the hive is too) that you are considering marrying this man for temporary security. However, keep in mind that this marriage could have longterm psychological effects on you. You’re probably already dealing with the aftermath of being divorced once…do you really want to make that mistake twice?
Still, in the end, I want you to know that I, and all of us, are rooting for you. I just want you to really think about what you’re doing, and how your stress maybe playing into your decisions. You don’t want to do something you’ll regret. If you yourself are unsure about marrying this man, then TAKE TIME to think about it. Don’t rush into these things.