Post # 1
so i will be signing a pre-nup before tying the knot with SO. i’ve always known that i would have to as his family is very wealthy and SO has 2 homes, savings, and retirement accounts all accquired before we met. (the same as peach and SO’s brother) the thing is…i might have no clue what i am talking about, but the house we live in (where we plan to live in forever and raise our kids in) he bought and completely remodeled before we met, but i contribute every month (we split everything half and half) towards the mortgage/utilities. which is 100% fine i do not and never have expected a free ride, but does this mean if we do divorce then it will be like i was paying “rent” the whole time?
like i said before, i am fine with signing, i just want to know exactly what i am signing. and furthermore, what happens if we have children in the next 3 years and divorce in say…10 years. with the house being his in the pre-nup. would the children have to move out of the home they grew up in? or just me and the courts would give my kids to SO because he has the house?
crazy questions i know. and i know pre-nups aren’t romantic, but neither is fighting over money years down the road when you’re heartbroken. i do think that we will be together forever. not because of me, but becuase of him. i believe that there is one person in a relationship that is the rock and the other is the free-spirit. i am the free-spirit and i he is the rock, the fighter.
just wanted to know your thoughts bees 🙂
Post # 3
I believe you can have different stipulations in prenups. Such as having kids you get x amount or being together for x amount of time give you x amount. You can adjust things based on what both of you thinks is fair. I’m no expert though, so I may not know what i’m talking about.
Post # 4
Have a lawyer look at it. It’s reasonably as this is a legal matter. It’s not saying you don’t trust him, but that you need to bs smart.
Usually in prenups, if you divorce you get X (for example $1 Million) plus half of any assets acquired in the marriage.
Post # 5
I think you should consult a lawyer before signing anything. I always see pre nups very badly, you see, lets say you stay happily married for 10/20 years and then something goes wrong, sudely you end up with nothing, the house you always lived him it’s his, and you are the one moving out. I’m no expert in this matters, but since he is protecting his things with a prenup maybe you should inform yourself of your rights before signing anything at all.
Post # 6
Totall agree with the previous posts. You should 100% get independent legal council before you sign a pre-nup.
Post # 7
You should definitely consult an attorney before you sign anything (and NOT the attorney your SO used to write the pre-nup). In some states (like here in CA) a prenup will be null and void unless each party as separate legal counsel. That depends on state law and how the pre-nup functions will greatly depend on whether your state is a community property state or a separate property state.
You need to understand what you are signing. Pre-nups don’t have anything to do with property acquired before marriage- which is a common misconception. If he bought a couple houses before you got married, those houses will go back to him automatically. Pre-nups change ownership of property acquired during marriage- for example, an extreme example would be that any money he earns stays completely his money and not yours. If you don’t like part of the pre-nup, speak up and it can always be changed. Hope that helps, and good luck!!
Post # 8
My thought is definitely get a lawyer. Make sure you & your future children aren’t left homeless & broke. That sounds dramatic but you NEVER know what the future will bring. The prenup is to protect you both. Good luck.
Post # 9
Plus one that the OP should get her own lawyer and not use his.
OP, he sounds like a really good guy so I’m guessing that you will find that the pre-nup is fairly written. For your sake I hope so.
But if I were you I would be really curious to hear your lawyer’s take on whether this pre-nup addresses the fact that you have been financially contributing toward the house prior to the marriage. I am not a legal expert, but if you’ve been paying half the expenses then you have a vested stake in the property, IMO.
Definitely get a legal opinion on it before you sign anything.
Post # 10
It is my understanding that a pre-nup is just a contract, theefore it can say anything that you two want! It is just a written document that you are both agreeing to beforehand, so that in the event of a divorce you do not have to leave it up to the courts to decide what you each get. I agree with what others are recommending and get your own separate legal counsel before you sign.
Post # 11
Yes I agree with other posters seek legal advice.
Post # 12
Yup – I’m having an SO sign a prenup for my businesses, but my lawyer says it’s only fair if both people have legal counsel. It’s going to be expensive, but it’s worth it to get your own lawyer if only to review it and answer your questions. The cheapest way I’ve found of avoiding huge legal fees is to have you and your SO agree on your questions (discuss them together first) and just have your lawyers make sure it’s written to enact that in the prenup.
Post # 13
@michellebow12: I am an assistant to a divorce attorney. All of your questions should be answered within the Pre-Nup itself, and you MUST have independent legal advice before signing. Hire your own lawyer to look it over for you and advise you. If you do not understand it, do not sign it.
Post # 14
You can also amend the pre-nup agreement as your marriage goes on and your circumstances change (post nup).
My partner and I are signing a pre-nup and I really dont understand why more people dont do it – its such a great idea to seperate the emotion and to secure your financial future. Can you tell I am in Finance lol.
But as other posts have mentioned both parties need to received independant legal advice & dont sign the agreement unless you fully undertsand it and agree on the terms and conditions.
Have a look at these articles:
Post # 15
You can specify many things in a prenup such as:
– Requiring him to cover health insurance for you for X years if you quit your job to have kids
– Spliting property in different ways based on years of marriage
– Providing money if you quit your job
Ask questions (of your lawyer, not his) if you don’t understand anything. I think they can be good, but do NOT feel pressured to sign if you are uncomfortable. I know a friend of a friend that got into a pickle because he gave her a very one sided prenup just prior to the wedding and she had no time to consider it. His family was wealthy…but she had supported him while he funneled his money to his businesses. She thought he just hadn’t bothered to read it to know it was so one sided (very traditional Stay-At-Home Mom role expected by both of them, but no provisions for her if she quit her job to raise the several kids they planned to have – including health insurance and she had health issues). They divorced a year or less after and luckily she got back her old job.
Post # 16
@michellebow12: There’s no reason you should be transformed into just a ‘renter’ after years of marriage. With the pre nup, you should feel just as protected as he does.