(Closed) Pre-PRE-Planning

posted 5 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
13289 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Personally, I think it’s strange to start planning before you’re actually engaged.  I would not start buying things until it actually happens.

Post # 4
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

@CallMeMrsG:  jan 2015 isn’t too far away! If your semi if is on board with it I’d full on plan! You don’t want all the vendors to fill up

Post # 5
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I don’t really think it’s a big deal. You’ve agreed to get married, you’ve agreed on a date even.

You’ve planned a wedding before so I’m sure you’ll have a better idea than I would on what you can get started on now. We just got engaged and won’t actively plan until late this year so for now it’s just thinking about budgets, deciding on where (what city and state for us), browsing dresses and venues, setting up a guest list.

Do you have a venue in mind? You could check with your SO and see if he likes it too. If it’s as good as go then start the DIY decorations. Other than that I’m not sure what you can do. Good luck!

Post # 6
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@CallMeMrsG:  Not announcing your engagement until the summer will make booking big components more difficult – you’ll probably want to talk to your family and various VIPs before you book a date, and that’s hard to do without announcing you’re getting married.

Stuff that can help pre-planning is: saving up money now, researching venues, photographers, etc so you can book those quickly, and assembling a guest list.  I wouldn’t worry about DIYing things or physically collecting decorations or something until you at least have a date and a venue.

Post # 7
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Beach

I would not actually plan before I’m engaged. But since you have a date why not begin the research process first (that takes a lot of time). Look for a dress,shoes,accesories. Find venues, photographers that you like and ask about prices! If you know the prices before hand you can compare and see which is better then be better informed at the time of the purchase. 

Post # 8
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@CallMeMrsG:  Look, you are either engaged or you are not. If you and your fiance have decided to get married and set a date, it certainly sounds to me like you are engaged. 

I also don’t think there’s any reason to wait to announce it. There’s no such thing as “overshadowing.” It’s not like happiness and best wishes are a scarce resource that can only be shared with one couple at a time. 🙂

If you don’t consider yourselves engaged, then you really shouldn’t be planning a wedding. Go ahead and start saving though – having a nice little stockpile never hurts.

Post # 9
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would just start researching things and save money for now. 

Post # 10
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Sounds to me like you’re engaged. I had the same situation – Fiance and I decided to get married and picked a date, but we waited to get a ring and make an announcement until after I’d met his out of country parents. My parents knew though, it was not a well kept secret. I considered myself engaged as soon as we picked the date, the ring was just the icing on the cake later when EVERYONE found out.

Things we did before “telling everyone”

1. Made a rough guest list

2. Looked at venues and talked about what kind of wedding we wanted.

3. I bought my dress.

4. We actually booked our venue, church, and photographer, but if this is a super secret then that won’t work if you want to consult close family about a date first.

Making the guest list before doing anything else was the best thing we ever did.


Post # 11
9782 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I am in the same boat! We are currently waiting out a buffer for his older brother who just got engaged this January. Maybe were jerks but we’re not waiting that long! I think he’ll propose in April or May and then well marry 2ish months after them- June 2015. 

I have done a TON of planning work. Made a guest list. Worked out a budget and getting quotes from vendors, picking menu, rentals, photog, video, venue, flowers, planner… Everything!

but my one caveat is: I haven’t actually dropped any $$ or booked anyone. But my hope is thanks to this research I can book all my major contracts with in a few weeks! 


Post # 13
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

@CallMeMrsG:  Congratulations!  I really do caution you to make sure your VIPs (those you can’t imagine not being there, parents, sibs, bridal party) and  make sure the date works before you sign contracts and pay deposits


Several years ago my (then) 18 yo stepdd and her mother planned her wedding, kept us in the dark til the church was reserved, dress bought, etc.  Then she comes to tell us and she finds out I can’t be there.  I was in the later years of my career in the military and I had orders for a Senior NCO academy.  Once you have a reserved seat in a school, you don’t cancel unless you or someone in your family died.  It was my last academy prior to retirement and my  DH had never been to any of my graduations and we had just decided he would come out and attend this one.


She was stunned that I couldn’t attend – she gave no thought at all that people do have obligations to others in the family and their careers.  We did NOT ask her to change her date and her father would have attended her wedding without me, but she did go ahead and change it.  She acted quite huffy and like a martyr about it (again, NEVER asked her to change it) and voluntarily changed it.


If you want your VIPs there you need to make sure they are available before you sign the contracts.  Otherwise, you could set yourself up for someone not being able to be there who is very important to you.


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