(Closed) Pre-pre-wedding dinner with friends: do we have to pay?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My honest opinion is that I think you should let your friends do their own thing.  It’s very generous of you to pay for their hotel rooms, but I think that doesn’t mean they should have to do so many wedding activities.  I think they have enough wedding activities for that weekend, maybe you should just let them do their own thing?  And if you really do want them to do dinner with you, I think you guys should pay.  That’s my 2 cents.  

DH’s brother and his wife invited a lot of us out to dinner the day after their Destination Wedding.  I think a lot of us went out of obligation (they had a lot of wedding events too), and I don’t think everyone was super psyched.  Dinner was expensive ($80 pp) and not filling.

Post # 3
Member
496 posts
Helper bee

I feel like if the invite was only extended to this small group, they might be expecting you to pay.

Post # 4
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I agree with @breatheandrelax. You can put it out there for the wedding party that you & Fiance will be getting dinner at a certain restaurant at X time, have them let you know if they’re interested in joining. From there, you and Fiance can decide if you would like to cover costs or not.

Post # 5
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
breatheandrelax :  Well said. OP, when you’re focused on trying to be a good host, it can be easy to forget that your guests will also want some time on their own. You do have enough scheduled. I would take Thursday to spend time with your fiance or your close family.

Post # 6
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If you make it clear that it’s a super casual, optional event and they’re responsible for their own tab, I would say you don’t have to pay. But if you’re inviting them to something to honor their participation or celebrate your upcoming wedding, then yes, you pick up the tab.

Post # 7
Member
30388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with a pp. I would leave them some free time to enjoy on their own.

Post # 9
Member
713 posts
Busy bee

If you said something like “Hey, Cindy and I are planning on getting dinner at X place, would you like to join us?” that implies that they need to pay for themselves. As opposed to “We’d love to take you to dinner at X place.” To me, saying “let’s get dinner” is very different from saying “I’ll take you out to dinner,” if that makes sense. 

Post # 10
Member
9869 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Given the precedent set with you paying for everything else, I would honestly expect this meal to be covered.  If you’re inviting the bridal party only, it seems like a wedding event, and I think that would be hosted.

Post # 11
Member
13538 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If you are inviting them to a dinner, then you need to pay. I don’t think there is any good way to phrase it on a weekend when people are there for you. I’d either be clear that there are no planned activities or I’d pay. As a guest, I’d greatly prefer the former. You can always give them restaurant and touring tips ahead of time. 

Post # 12
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
weddingsarehard :  You can give them the lowdown on what to do in a foreign city without going to dinner together. You could just say, “X is a fabulous restaurant, Fiance and I will be eating dinner there at 8pm, and anyone is welcome to join us.”

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