(Closed) Pre-RSVP’d Guests – Send an Invite?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we send invitations to friends who already said they can't make it?
    No, don't send the invite. : (2 votes)
    7 %
    Yes, still send the invite. : (25 votes)
    93 %
    Yes, send it but don't put postage on the reply card. : (0 votes)
    See my answer below! : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Hostess
    18643 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I think I would still send invites to let them know that you would have liked them to be there.  Maybe not include the stamp on the RSVP card though?

    Post # 4
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Don’t send invites to anyone out of obligation. Ask yourself how important it is that they be invited or attend. If you can’t imagine the day without them, send an invite, even if they said they can’t make it because plans can and do change. If you aren’t that close, as you said, then don’t invite them just to fill the room. That applies to family as well.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2054 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I think that if you had friends that you somehow communicated they would be invited I would still send them an invitation even if they say they cant attend.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1104 posts
    Bumble bee

    We sent invites to everyone, even those we *knew* wouldn’t come. It was our way of making sure they knew we wanted them there.

    Post # 7
    Member
    431 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I wouldn’t even send family who said they couldn’t come an invite.  When they get it, won’t they think, “Um we told them we couldn’t come, what is this?”  I talked to my family in Ireland (where we honeymooned) before I sent any invites overseas.  When they said they couldn’t make it, I didn’t send invites.  I feared it would look as if I was gift-grubbing, which I understand you are not.  So save yourself the time and trouble of sending the invites unless some of these people are on the fence rather than a definite no.

    Post # 8
    Member
    962 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    ditto mountain.bride.  we are sending out invites in a couple weeks and we have friends and family who have already let us know they cannot make it (we’ve even got people on the invite list who we knew would not be able to come – very elderly great aunts/uncles), but we are sending invites to all of them.  at the very least, they are reminded we love them and wanted them to be with us on our wedding day.

    i plan on scrapbooking our RSVPs anyway…  so i’d like to have them even from those who couldn’t make it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1023 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    You can always include a note saying you know that they said they couldn’t come but wanted to include them anyhow or if plans change or something.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1023 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    btw we have family that we knew wouldn’t make it out and still sent an invite to be inclusive. I don’t think it is gift grubby at all.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I live out of the country and have had to miss dozens of weddings in the last few years …. but recieving invites always makes me feel so so so loved, even though they know I won’t be able to make it.

    I will say, a few invites I didn’t get response cards for, or else no postage (because international is hard to get the right postage – how are my friends supposed to get Chinese stamps!?) and I never minded; I almost always email a reply anyway, since mail here tends to go awry very easily.

    Post # 12
    Member
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Yeah, you need to still send an invitation.  Especially if you sent save the dates.

    Post # 13
    Hostess
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I think they’d still appreciate knowing you want them there. 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    950 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’m going to ditto @Bamboo: send the invite, with postage, & a note saying “I know you said you can’t make it, but just wanted to know that you’ll be in our thoughts on our special day.  If anything changes, we hope you can make it.” or something to that effect.  First, things COULD change, & if the situation changes, wouldn’t you want them to know they’re still invited?  Second, like others have posted, it lets people know that you’re thinking of them & wish they could be included.  Third, in response to looking like a gift-grubber, there’s no obligation to send wedding gifts, especially if a guest is NOT attending.  So, if they send a gift, it’s because they care, not because they feel obligated to do so.

    Case in point, one of my FI’s childhood friends who currently lives in Denmark originally replied that he & his wife couldn’t make it.  However, changes in his work schedule, which arose after we sent our invitations, may allow him to come (sadly without her), so he really appreciated the invite/reminder that we wanted to include him.  If he hadn’t received an invite, he might not have considered coming once the opportunity presented itself.  And, the great part about his effort is that this may be the first time in 6 years that these friends have all been together!

    Post # 15
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    We had a few people tell us either while gathering addresses for the save-the-dates or after receiving the save-the-date that they wouldn’t be able to attend, but we still sent everyone on the list an invitation (minus one relative who told us he knew he couldn’t come and didn’t want us to waste the postage on him). An out-of-state friend who said they wouldn’t make it now has family close to our location, and are considering making a trip of it. You never know…things may change and people may be able to come after all!

    Post # 16
    Member
    9056 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I would say send an invite anyway.  We had a few pre-RSVPs but we still sent them an email so they’d know we wanted them.  My Fiance has one cousin that pre-RSVP’s no that we didn’t send an invite to.  He responded no to the save-the-date, and then I emailed back saying we still wanted to send him an invite and needed his address, and he responded again that he couldn’t make it, with no address.  I just left it at that.

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