(Closed) Pre-RSVPers.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yes. Maybe include a little note saying that you know they aren’t likely going to be able to make it and you understand and will miss them but wanted them to feel included so you sent the invitation.

Post # 4
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@heatherlm84:  I think you should.  Anyone who receives a STD should receive an invitation even if you know they aren’t going to be able to make it.  It’s a nice gesture.  Plus, you never know!  Plans change!

Post # 5
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

yeah send the invite! people often forget that they say yes or they forget the date+time. 

Post # 6
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Yes. Plans change, and not sending them one is sort of like not inviting them after promising an invite, which is thus uniniviting them… not the message you want to send.

Post # 7
23602 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@heatherlm84:  Personally, I would send an invite to my close family and friends, just as a courtesy invite, but i can see it either way!

Post # 8
1631 posts
Bumble bee

I’m going to go against the grain here and say you don’t have to send them an invite. My Fiance and I are planning a wedding on a small budget and if someone tells me straight out that they will not be making the wedding when we do STD’s, then I won’t be sending them an invite. I get that it’s not that much money, but we are only intending on inviting those VERY close to us, so I don’t think anyone would be upset on my end.

Use your judgement. Maybe give them a call when you’re getting ready to send invites just to double check, and if they still say no – no invite.

Post # 9
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MargaritaVille:  I respectfully disagree.  I think if your budget is so tight that you don’t want to send invitations to those who mention they won’t be able to make it, then you should nix the Save-The-Date Cards before eliminating invitations. 

It is proper to send an invitation to everyone who is invited, and I agree with PPs who suggested to include a note saying that you’re sorry they can’t make it, but you wanted them to have the invitation anyway.

Post # 10
1631 posts
Bumble bee

@DaneLady:  Yes, I agree. I don’t think STD’s are as important as invites. But I’m starting to realize that a lot of people seem to think that a Save the Date REQUIRES a follow up invite (even to those who say they can’t make it). This never occured to me before. I always thought of Save-The-Date Cards more as feelers to see who was committed to coming, but I suppose that makes sense. Our guest list is really only going to be people we speak with on a regular basis, so I think that’s why I thought that way.

The things you learn on these boards!

Post # 12
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@heatherlm84:  No.  It doesn’t change a thing.  Even with a long haul flight, someone may decide to come after all, at the very last minute.  I never make advance travel plans, as I find the deals much better to book at the last minute. 

You have told people with the STD that an invitation is forth coming, and you should fufil that obligation.

An invitation just says you would like someone to be there, not just confirming their attendence.  If you want those people there, then send the invitation.  They will respond according to what is actually going to happen.


Post # 13
3265 posts
Sugar bee

Also, just wanted to add that there is no such thing as a pre-RSVP.  Anything they tell you ahead of time is not their formal answer.  Their formal answer will only be when the invitation is received and they respond to your invitation.

The topic ‘Pre-RSVPers.’ is closed to new replies.

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