(Closed) Pre-TTC annoying advice. Long

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

PP I feel for you. I think it’s very weird that people are telling you to wait considering you’re heading for your mid-30’s- do these people not understand the risk factors for you and baby if you wait too long?

Do whatever makes you happy, and ignore all of these overly involved people- they’ll all shut up once you’re pregnant anyway.

Post # 4
Member
2828 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly? People like to give out advice whether or not it is requested, necessary or aplicable. Most of what these people say likely reflects regrets they had during their own pregnancieslife planning etc.

If you and your husband are ready then no one else can tell you otherwise. it is a personal decision between the two of you and no-one else.

but if this kind of “advice” is getting to you now, just wait until you’re pregnant — it just keeps coming!

 

Post # 5
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

How does your Hubby feel about it? He is the one who counts.

 

Personally i can sympathise with you. i did not realize the risks and took for granted that id be fine to wait.

i am now 34 and i am agonizing as i wait until the May deadline my husband and i have agreed upon to start trying. mostly because we are supposed to move and get new jobs. he wants to move. i am fine with moving but i am also sick inside with every month that i wait. i will be one month shy of 35 when we start and i will have no idea how long it will take us to get pregnant till we do or what shape my eggs are in. i am getting an fsh test but even those can be so unreliable.

the point is not to panic you but to tell you that what’s in your heart is right. and by god if you are in a good position and have the great desire to be parents i see no reason for you to wait. i wish you all the luck and babydust in the world on your journey.

Post # 6
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I honestly would not talk about reproducing with people. It they ask I always say we will see how things work out. It is really not their business and a very personal decision between you and your husband.

Post # 8
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Don’t worry, people always think they know best. Do what is right for you. We started TTC after 2.5 months of marriage because we are 32/31, because we are committed stable and ready and becasue we wanted to. I don’t pay any mind to what any naysayers have to say about that.

Post # 9
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh! I feel ya girl! ((HUGS)) because I know how frustrating that is. I have been “boiling” over a sim situation. My biggest irritation is the “oh just you wait” THANKS I AM WAITING!!! Recently there has been a “baby boom” in my group of friends and family. Of which are youger than me and DH (ok there is ONE that is older, got preg 1 week after their wedding). So its really frutrating when we get the “Oh just you wait…you will see” That and telling us wait until you are ready, dont rush, enjoy your marriage, especially irritating when all the people who are saying this to us, have children who are years younger than us, or where in there relationship/marriage way less of a time then DH and I have been together. Our wedding also just formailty. For the family and had lived together and what not for over 3 years, dating for 5…so yeah….<sigh> i feel ya!

Post # 10
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

But yes….sorry I vented myself there. Brush it off (thats what I am trying to tell myself too) and do what you and your DH want. Its your decission not theirs. And when you do convieve I am sure you will have people excited and happy for you! Because you dont need to justify WHY, if its what you want and what will make you happy, thats reason enough! They dont need to know anything but that your happy with it. The rest is between you and your hubs! Good luck darlin!

Post # 12
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m 33 and won’t be married until I’m 34.  If you want kids, I think the time is now.  Especially if you want more than 1.  People give all sorts of strange advice.  My wedding is 7.5 months away and the woman who sits next to me is constantly telling me I need to get pregnant right now.  Um yes, a family is important to me, but I think that either being six months pregnant or having a 1 month old (or anything in between!) might throw a kink in our wedding and honeymoon plans. 

Post # 13
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

View original reply
@lilybugg78: I know right! I totally sighed when i saw this because I am so heated right now over the same thing. Ugh i cant stand the “Just you wait” Especially seeing that me and DH are waiting and planning, where as everyone in the recent “baby boom” was NOT planned.  Not that there is anything wrong with that. But dont dangle your mommy “expertise” over me because we are planning and waiting and HAVE waited.

I mean I get it. There are things you dont know and wont fully experience until you have YOUR OWN child. I get that! But gees lay off, I am not dumb to what to expect! I worked IN childcare for years, as well as went to college for Child care and education. I lived with my godchild from when he was 5 months to 2 years seeing as my BF was a single mom and I helped out A LOT. More than I should have to be honest. She was waaaay too young and not ready, could sleep through a train going through the house so I would get up with him in the night to feed, changed more diapers and bathed etc more than I think she did. My own car seat for him everything. Love her to death, but it was rough. I loved him dearly though like family so its not like I had to, I just did.  

So I know what to expect. I think I have a pretty good idea with my experience. Like I said, i know its not the same until you have your own, but  I hate it when they practically “talk down” to you like an idiot. Well : )~ I have waited and I will see dang it! Especially now that I have “baby fever” its hard….I dont even know how to talk to anyone about this. Everyone has known us as WAITING. And until about a month ago we still wanted to wait over a year. Well OK so I…still need to talk to DH about my feelings on this as of recent. But anyways….its just hard. Because I feel everyone is going to think I have the “fever” because of the recent boom. When in all truth i had it before then and then when every friend of mine (seriously all but one) got pregnant, it was almost discouraging like I should wait becasue there was SO MUCH during that time. OK that doesnt really make sense. But I dont know, it was just discouraging. LOL Now that they are all done and had the babies I feel like I can have “my time” I dont know. That sounds crazy doesnt it? LOL But I just feel like I dont know WHO I can talk to seeing as all my friends who had these “un planned” babies are going to give advice that I dont see as really helpful or to be honest wanted seeing that its coming from people who have been with their partner considerably less than DH and I, and who are younger, as well as who had an un planned. Ugh!

OH I <3 Wedding Bee! My sanity thanks this place right now. …<sigh> feel better thanks!

Post # 14
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Do you read A Practical Wedding or Offbeat Bride? They both wrote about how people love to fear-monger and tell the worst stories, and it’s true for babies as much as it is for marriage. Check these out: http://offbeatbride.com/2010/01/fear-mongering-youll-seeeee and http://apracticalwedding.com/2009/12/reclaiming-wife-comparing-notes/

I also recommend this post on how babies don’t kill marriages: http://apracticalwedding.com/2011/08/babies-dont-ruin-your-marriage/

Sorry for the link overload! It just frustrates me how people push these negative stories that shape how we view wedding/marriage/babies (and are just plain annoying). With your age and how long you’ve been living together, I would definitely say you should ignore them and give in to the baby fever ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

View original reply
@lilybugg78: Thats too cute! How funny he paused it! Awwww

 

Those were go links! Interesting and so true!

Tried to talk to DH about it last night. Ugh! Well I think he was too tired and crabby to think about it or something. He seemed more discouraged than anything. He worries so much about $. We both work, I have a good paying job so does he. Right now we just live like we want, buy what we want, and I see that as a luxery and something we wont always do. If we didnt “live” like that then we would def have more $ then he realizes. He just worries so much because his previos marriage his ex cleared them out when he was on deployement. Came back to both cars re-poed. 5 of those money tree lender things taken out. Most there home furnishings were sold, and she was trying to leave and run back to her moms with their baby. So he is so picky about money now. He had to live in someones garage for over a year to help him get out of debt. Took him YEARS! So he is sooooo picky about money! So that is his biggest concern and he is just simply afraid of the cost. <sigh> I understand it, but geesh!

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