- 9 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
Why does everyone feel the need to give me advice on my uterus now that I’m newly married? (mid-summer 2011 wedding). It’s genuinely aggravating and stressing me out. I try to get over these things, and chalk it up to well meaning advice. But unsolicited advice is a major peeve of mine and aggravates me to no end.
I have been with DH for 5 years, 3 of which we have been sharing a home together as committed life partners. He and I knew that marriage was in our future. The wedding was a beautiful ceremony with friends and family; it was a public “formality” and display of our unity and commitment to each other. (We were equally committed to each other before the wedding.)
I had baby fever with now DH since the beginnings of our dating. I’d never thought I wanted kids until I met him. (I always knew he was “the one” for me!) I’d say this to friends and I’d of course get “No. Wait until you’re married and have a house.” Well, the “wait until you’re married” I personally agreed with. So fine, I’ll wait.
Now we’re married. Here goes the annoying things I hear:
“Don’t have kids yet. Enjoy your marriage first”. So, are you saying that the three years that we spent living together in our home as a couple (and equally as committed to each other as we were before and after receiving our marriage certificate in the mail from City Hall), don’t count? Were we just playing ‘house’ that whole time? What about the fact that this entire time, since the very beginning of our relationship, I’ve wanted nothing more than to have a child with him? And that I waited until we were married first? Oh, I have to wait even longer now?
“Don’t have kids, you’ll never sleep once you do.” Oh, OK. So I’ll just go ahead and never experience motherhood and fulfill my desire to hold my baby based entirely on this advice.
“Don’t rush, you’re still young.” Is 33 really the peak of fertility? OK. So would you like me to delay more, and wait until I’m, say, 35? OK sure, I”ll do that. Though, what happens if we do wait until I am 35 (which my doctor said does increase risks when I told her I was thinking of TTC soon), and we experience trouble conceiving? I am sure I would hear “you should have tried starting a family sooner”, huh. Not to mention the cost of treatment IF we do run into problems?
“everything changes once you have kids”. Uhhhh yes, I know this! I have been around my fair share of little ones in whose lives I play a very active role. So do you regret kids? Do you wish you hadn’t? Wait, here comes the best part:
It’s just so frustrating. I want to be able to talk to people about my desire to have kids without being made to feel as though I’m doing something extremely out-of-this-world.
I think in January I’d like to get off of BC and finally TTC, but all these comments and advice are really getting to me. Am I really so crazy to TTC at 33, 6 months into an official marriage but 3 years of living as a couple in a home with a husband, two stable jobs?