Post # 1
My fiance and I are planning our wedding for spring or fall 2017 (off-season, we’re on a budget!) and we are not doing a religious ceremony. His siblings have all done Catholic, which means they participated in pre-Cana, something we will not be doing (I am not Catholic, he does not practice). My sister, who is going through some marital troubles, recommended we do a pre-marriage counseling session instead, with a therapist. I think this might be a good idea, but I want to know if anyone else has had experience with this, or has any advice on how to bring it up to my Fiance without sounding like I think we need therapy! I just feel like it’s a good idea to get everything out on the table, and a therapist might ask questions we haven’t thought to ask ourselves. Any advice?
Post # 2
I think it’s smart to do some sort of pre-marital counseling. Therapy isn’t something to fear or be ashamed of. It’s a mistake to think otherwise. After all, you’re coming to a wedding forum looking for advise – a counselor functions in a very similar way. You’re taking a big step and looking at the big picture, it’s good to be realistic about it and acknowledge you might not have asked all the questions that need asking.
FH and I haven’t yet gone to an in-person session, but we did work our way through a book called 1001 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married. Some parts of it are a bit outdated, but it got so many issues out in the open that we didn’t even think about before.
You can also look into “telehealth” options where you can talk to a therapist using video chat – it might be a more comfortable atmosphere instead of going to someone else’s office.
It’s best to leave no stone unturned and to set yourselves up for success!
Post # 3
Are you getting married in another church? We had to do premarital counseling with our pastor before getting married. I was VERY against it. I’m not big into religion (church wedding was a compromise) so it just wasn’t my cup of tea. It wasn’t as bad as I thought though. We have one session to go. Interesting to hear my Fi’s answers to questions, and vice versa.
Post # 4
jmunn302: Our premarital counseling has been such a great tool for our relationship. They teach you really useful skills like how to disagree agreeably….aka how to fight fairly in your marriage. It’s not about IF you fight it’s about HOW you fight. It’s given us a lot of fantastic communication tools and conflict resolution tools. We’ve already started implementing them in our relationship and it has done wonders for us. We no longer get into “fights” that spiral out of control. It’s nice to have tools before you get married and practice them when you’re still in that “honeymoon” phase and that way later down the road when the real struggles hit, you’ll already have those tools and have been using them. Our marriage counselors told us the areas they really struggled in early on in their marriage are now their strong points because of the counseling tools.
I think it’s useful to do even if you’re not doing it religiously. It will help you both discover things about your partner you didn’t know before as well as help you both examine the areas in your relationship that are strong and the areas that need growth and then how to actually achieve growth in those areas. What I would recommend would be to do a search and find out where in your town offers marriage counseling. Our programs was called “Prepare and Enrich” and while it does discuss God, it hasn’t been focused on that so far. It’s mainly just been about tools to grow in your marriage.
Post # 5
Pre-marital counseling is great. I think you should bring it up as the sessions are a way to outline what your marriage will look like. If you are not religious you don’t have to do the Catholic counseling. My FH and I did sessions with a marriage counselor and it was great. We are also Christian and will do sessions with our officient as well but for us it was important to get insight from both perspectives and also someone with academic knowledge on marriage counseling.
Post # 6
We went to an mft, had a great experience!