(Closed) Pre Wedding Doubts

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I sometimes wonder if I’m doing the right thing.  But not most of the time.  However, that doesn’t mean it’s not right to get married if you’re thinking those thoughts.  It’s an emotional time for you.

Post # 3
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I dunno, I didn’t have any doubts at all about marrying my husband so I can’t say I can relate… I would think if you’re having doubts, they are there for a reason. I wouldn’t ignore them or assume they are normal. I would talk about them either with a therapist or even your fiance.

Post # 5
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I would invest in counseling because if you are learning new things about your future husband that make you nervous about him specifically (not just the idea of marriage) then they should be worked out. Obviously getting married is a little scary-its a huge commitment you only make once! But,if thats where your worries lie, then let them lie. Think about it in the terms of what can I do today to make my relationship better tomorrow, not will we still be “this happy (or whatever)” in 70 years. Because you can’t predict or control that far into the future and can only do things little by little. 

 

Consider reading “a practical wedding” which helped me!

Post # 6
Member
8602 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I personally wouldnt move forward feeling like that. Your whole subconscious is telling you NO, and I think our guts are much wiser than our minds.

And you’re only 21.. Why don’t you guys just wait a few years? You’d still be marrying young 4 years from now. I just can’t get my head around marrying that young and it sounds like a part of you can’t either. 

Post # 7
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

can you talk to your mom or a mother figure about it ?

Post # 8
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

View original reply
MrsBuesleBee:  this.

you shouldn’t still be learning things about your fiance that bother you, or be nervous about marrying him. I personally would not have gotten married if I’ve had any doubt about it, it’s too big of a commitment.

maybe postpone the wedding, and spend a couple more years getting to know each other and enjoying Time together. You’re both young, what’s the rush?

Post # 9
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t doubt marrying my Fiance for one second. Ever. The only anxiety I have about the wedding is being the full-blown center of attention for an entire day… yikes! I think if you’re having recurring nightmares, your subconscience is trying to tell you something. Trust your gut, it’s hardly ever wrong. Pre-wedding jitters are normal. Serious anxiety, nightmares, and waking doubts is not.

When you say “by the time we’re married I’ll be 21” meaning you are currently TWENTY YEARS OLD. You aren’t even out of school yet. God girl, I’m doubting it for you! You truly don’t even know yourself at 20 years old. And it’s not to say you two need to break up, if you’re serious about “being together forever” then you’ll still be together 5 years from now and can get married then. There’s no reason to rush this. Especially when you’re gut is telling you it’s not right. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by SoonAsYouCan.
Post # 10
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I did not have any doubts.  If you are still learning new things about him that give you pause, you should put the brakes on this and get to know each other better before making a lifelong commitment.

Post # 11
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

When I married my husband I was 22, he was 22 almost 23, and we never had any doubts about marrying each other. We wanted to get married so badly! If you are having these second thoughts and doubts I don’t think you should get married. Re-evaluate your relationship, take sometime for yourself, I don’t want you to regret your decision in a couple of years.

Post # 12
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

We are all different and in the pre-wedding phase it’s absolutely normal to have some doubts, especially if you tend to be an anxious person. 

Post # 13
Member
8602 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

http://m.livescience.com/23196-woman-s-doubts-before-wedding-may-predict-divorce.html

“People think everybody has premarital doubts and you don’t have to worry about them,” Justin Lavner, a UCLA doctoral student in psychology who led the study, said in a statement. “We found they are common but not benign. Newlywed wives who had doubts about getting married before their wedding were two-and-a-half times more likely to divorce four years later than wives without these doubts. Among couples still married after four years, husbands and wives with doubts were significantly less satisfied with their marriage than those without doubts. “

Post # 14
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I don’t agree with most of these PP but maybe that’s b/c I have had a lot of anxiety and “doubts” if you will about my upcoming wedding also.  I know I am doing the right thing when I think of it logically and I think it’s more abnormal to not second guess your choice at all, I mean forever is a loooonnng time!  You are quite young though so it couldn’t hurt to wait if you aren’t sure.  

Post # 15
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
flwrgrl:  I didn’t have any doubts and neither did my husband. We were together for 10 years before getting married. We had established our lives together, knew each other well, had joint goals and many, many discussions. We knew what we were committing to and what we were working toward. Two years into marriage and twelve years together, we are very happy, have a strong relationship and still no doubts or regrets.

I am not saying minor doubts necessarily translate to major red flags necessarily. However, if you have mulitiple or consistent doubts, that is a sign you need to be re-evaluating your relationship and decisions. I am not saying you need to date for a decade before getting married, but if you have put in the time, effort and energy, then you should be doubting your choices a lot. It’s a huge committment, but there are ways of being confident in your decision.

View original reply
MrsBuesleBee:  +1 I completely agree.

The topic ‘Pre Wedding Doubts’ is closed to new replies.

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