(Closed) Pre Wedding Doubts

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

View original reply
Mrs.Sugabee2003:  While I think that is great for you, everyone is different.  

To answer OP’s question of how to stop it from sabotaging your relationship I personally have spoken openly with my fiance and continue to let him know what’s on my mind regarding these feelings and usually I feel better after talking with him about it and he puts my mind at ease.   Sounds like you’re doing the right thing keeping the lines of communication open and consulting with a professional, I wish you the best and hope your mind gets put at ease soon. 🙂 

On another note, this will be my second marriage and the first one I was 19, starry eyed and didn’t have a doubt in the world and we see how that played out so while the future is unknown and can be scary it usually works itself out for the best if you stay true to yourself! 

Post # 17
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
flwrgrl: Yes, everyone is different. I agree.

I think age, maturity and experience play into it as well. You may not have had doubts because you were young and optimistic. Just because one doesn’t have doubts doesn’t mean they are being realistic or making an informed decision. I guess what I was trying to say is that doubts should be alleviated by communicating and preparing yourself. If you have done that before marriage and are still concerned, then that should be a major red flag. If you haven’t done that and you have no doubts, you could be ignoring potential red flags.

If OP communicates and consults with a professional and still has doubts, then that should be a sign that she may not be ready for marriage.

Post # 20
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
GypsieFlower:  Talk to your therapist about it. I have had horrible anxiety since I was 14 and I totally know what you’re saying. I have doubts and over think and second guess every decision. I think for some people it’s totally normal (well, for people who aren’t “normal”, lol). 

You always have the option of putting it off another year or two, but as someone with anxiety I think that in our realm this is totally normal. Also, are you maybe just nervous about the wedding? I’m not nervous in the “I might be making a bad choice” way, but I am nauseous when I think about everyone staring at me. I always do this with big events and then when the time comes I’m fine. Perhaps you just overanalyze

Post # 22
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
GypsieFlower:  I totally feel you. We’re only having 40 people and that feels like a parade. Everything is going to be great. You’ll be so excited on the actual day that you won’t even be thinking about it. We just overthink things, relax!

Post # 23
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I got married at 22 with zero doubts. Doubts are not to be ignored. I second waiting a couple of years. You want to feel emotionally healed and happy when making such a massive commitment. Why the rush?

ETA: I get that you have had a tough time. I really do and you have my total sympathy. I just hope you are making the choice you will be happy with. Always ask, which would I regret more?

 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Yipeebee.
Post # 24
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
GypsieFlower:  I get the whole “I’m an anxious person… I look for problems… He’s perfect for me.. it’s all in my head, etc etc” but honestly, that doesn’t it make it any less worrisome. You still should not be getting married and building a house or planning children (before 25?!) until you have all of this under control. Will you ever be completely anxiety-free? Of course not. But you are in no state to be jumping into such big life-altering commitments when you aren’t completely stable with your emotions. You have plenty of time. You’re sooo young. Even if you don’t have kids by your timeline, that’s ok. Wouldn’t you rather have kids when you’re emotionally stable than when you’re feeling like this? Please, for your sake and his, lengthen this engagement. You’re too young to be stressing like this over marriage. Give yourself the years and experiences needed to grow up, mature and NOT have these thoughts.

Post # 27
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
GypsieFlower:  If you’re so sure about this, why write a post that you’re doubting the marriage? And when people say “this is an indication that maybe you should postpone the wedding” you suddenly are 99.99% sure this is the right thing to do? I think it’s your age and maturity level honestly. I wish you the best of luck but I’m bowing out of this thread.

Post # 28
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
GypsieFlower:  I generally agree with 
View original reply
MrsBuesleBee ‘s post, and I generall think we should be following a reputable source or a study for the information. However, I also have to question whether the study controlled for extaneous vairables or took other vulnerability factors into consideration. It was a GREAT post though!! 

That being said, like any psychology study, this is a general overview of pre-wedding doubts, not a guarantee. There is also a percentage of ths study of couples that had doubts and are perfectly happy. Some people are more prone to question and doubt big decisions in general, looking for reasons to pull back because the general plunge seems scary. Others can make these decisions with no problem whatsoever. So I would take that study with a slight grain of salt. It could be true for you, but it just means you are more likely to not be as happy. it’s not a guarantee. (For example, the literature shows that people ae more likely to end their marriage if they lived together prior to an engagement/marriage, but that is obviously not the case for MANY couples, and a layperson who has had the experinece would tell you otherwise). 

That being said, I think you should explore where these doubts are coming from. Are they coming from your personality (whether you generally tend to doubt/really ruminate over big decisions), whether its your partner that your doubting, whether its the age your doubting, etc. Sometimes those doubts are nothing, but sometimes it is your gut truly speaking to you. 

I a huge romantic, but I am also realistic. I know my partner isn’t perfect. I love him to death, but I have those moments here and there where I find myself thinking “are we compatible?” Then I remember all the amazing reasons we are together. He is my true partner, and I want to take this crazy life journey with him, even though we will have a ton of bumps along the way. Good relationships take work, its not a fairy tale. Relationships and marriages have been romanticized through media and love stories, but thats not real life. 

Post # 30
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
GypsieFlower:  I just read your update!! it sounds to me like this is a pattern for you, so it’s not the relationship itself, its what you are used to. And that’s okay! I hope you work with your therapist to go over the worries you have about your pending marriage, as they sound internal and more of a fear than of doubts. From what you said, you sound like you’re a little hard on yourself (I can be too!) and the doubts could be masking fear/attachment issues. Talk to your therapist and work it out 😀 

The topic ‘Pre Wedding Doubts’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors