Post # 32
Have you guys contacted him in regards to anything OTHER than the kilt? If I newly got in touch with an old friend and offered a gift but then he only ever comminicates with me to discuss whether I’m still buying him something I might be annoyed as well. not saying that’s what happened, but wondering if perhaps he’s somehow feeling used?? Or there were more strings to the gift that were unspoken?
Post # 33
Sorry maybe Angry was the wrong word, more just hurt and frustrated. He really left us hanging wether or not we accepted his gift is not really relevant. If you were us you would understand more the situation.
I can see why you might say that but they have talked and hung out not regarding the kilt several times up until the kilt stuff started falling through. Like they were building their relationship again….
Post # 34
If I was in your position, I would not invite him.
Post # 35
I feel like that’s a pretty lavish gift and kind of over the top. I don’t know that I would have accepted it from someone with whom I’m not close. I think it was a jerky move for this guy to blow you off, but I don’t think you shuld have accepted to begin with! You weren’t even planning to invite him to the wedding!
Post # 36
Not sure that I will be able to convince any of you but for the umpteenth time: we tried to say no over and over. It’s not like we we’re going to say hey don’t give us anythibg cause you’re not invited! We really tried our best to politely decline he was very insistent and as someone said before he was probably trying to show off cause everytime we said this is too much we thank you but cannot accept this he would say something to the effect of. “This is what money is for to spend it on your friends… ” As i said before he makes a lot of money so while this was a lot if money to us it was a drop in the bucket to him. He would not take no for an answer and I don’t know what you do in that kind of situation… scream no at him?!?
Also if he hadn’t disapeared and they had continued to hang out and re-connect we probably would have invited him at that point anyway.
Post # 37
If it makes you feel better, at my best friend’s wedding, one of the groomsmen just didn’t show up at the rehearsal or the wedding. Didn’t answer phone calls, facebook, text, etc. Just flat out did not show. People just do shady stuff sometimes and it stinks.
Honestly, I don’t think just because you sent him a save the date that you are required to invite him. I know that goes against etiquette, but really, what is going to happen? The etiquette police are going to come and arrest you? 😉
I am thinking he has either had a change of circumstances or was never all that well-to-do to begin with. Most of the people I know that flaunt money really don’t have it to flaunt. Who knows.
Post # 38
Oh my god that is terrible!! Your poor friend! This is definately not that bad! Though one of Fiance groomsmen did get replaced due to no contact issues. What is with people being your friend one minute and then dropping of the face of the earth!?
And I think you might be right, I know he has a good job and actually has a car collection but maybe he is in debt up to his ears just from trying to impress people?!
Im not too affraid of etiquette jail, I’m sure they are all very polite! 😉
Post # 39
Not inviting him after giving him a Save The Date puts you on the same level as this friend – really rude and inconsiderate. Be the bigger person and send him the invite – if he’s still feeling awkward, he won’t come, and you’ll have done the right thing.
Post # 40
He would not take no for an answer and I don’t know what you do in that kind of situation… scream no at him?!?
In the future, should you be faced with long lost friends forcing extravagant and inappropriate gifts on you, you say, “Wow, it’s so generous of you to offer, but we really can’t accept that! Thank you so much, though.” And if they continue to insist, you say, “It means so much that you offered to help us, but we just wouldn’t be comfortable accepting such a generous gift.” And if, even after you’ve told the person that this makes you uncomfortable, they keep insisting, you say, “Well, thank you so much for your offer, we’ll talk about it and let you know,” in order to put an end to the conversation– not with any intention of ever accepting.
You don’t have to scream at people to decline something from them, you just have to keep politely not accepting and change the topic as soon as conversation permits.
You know, just for future reference. 😉
Post # 41
I would still invite him, but he may not attend anyway
Post # 42
You say P is a friend of your FI’s from high school, how well does he know him? Is P the type of guy to be flaky? Maybe he offered the gift but came into some financial difficulties and feels embarrassed for not being able to keep his word. Guys sometimes have to much pride to fess up and admit they can’t do something they promised. Ok, so he’s been posting to Facebook so he’s not hurt or worse so that leaves he’s either a jerk or doesn’t have the $$ to pay for the kilt.
Should you send an invite? My answer is yes. If you don’t invite him and find out later he hasn’t returned your calls because he fell on hard times would you feel bad that you thought the worst of him? If he is really a jerk and makes promises he can’t keep and he comes to the wedding at least you know you took the high road and kept your promise to follow up with an invite after the STD.
Post # 43
We will talk about it and let you know!! Gah! I wish we had thought of that! We seriously went in circles with him at least 4 times. I wish I would have thought to say let us think it over. I’m guessing I will never be in this position again, though I will remember your suggestion!
I think a lot of you ladies have a point in sending the invite to be on the right side of things but if he comes to the wedding without talking to us for 8 months I feel like I would be upset. I think I’ll leave it up to Fiance but as it stands we are just waiting to hear from him if we don’t we will have to seriously consider the issue.
Post # 44
If someone disappointed you like that, think whether you’d even want to see their face on the day without thinking back to their empty promises and sudden convenient disappearing act?
For such a small wedding, sounds like he’s not close enough to warrant an invite or even continue the friendship.
Post # 45
I wouldn’t invite him. What a dick. He could’ve at least sent a text saying he’s sorry but he just can’t pay for it at the moment if he doesn’t want to actually have a conversation over the phone with you guys. All etiquette went out the window the moment he started ignoring you. If he can’t get the gift, fine. But he needs to communicate that with you, not leave you hanging on a decision for one of the most important days of your lives together as a couple.
Post # 46
Etiquette be damned!! I would not invite the A-hole. Who cares if you sent an STD…obviously he didn’t. People are so wrapped up in being the ‘bigger’ person….if someone ‘rubbed me the wrong way’….I would not have them at the biggest day of my life. Sorry to all those who disagree….just my honest opinion.