(Closed) Pre wedding gift promise fell through. Angry

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Is it ok to not invite?



    This guy is an asshole! You better not invite him!

    You should forgive him, maybe something is going on in his life?

  • Post # 32
    9048 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Have you guys contacted him in regards to anything OTHER than the kilt?  If I newly got in touch with an old friend and offered a gift but then he only ever comminicates with me to discuss whether I’m still buying him something I might be annoyed as well.  not saying that’s what happened, but wondering if perhaps he’s somehow feeling used??  Or there were more strings to the gift that were unspoken?

    Post # 34
    1288 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    If I was in your position, I would not invite him.

    Post # 35
    899 posts
    Busy bee

    I feel like that’s a pretty lavish gift and kind of over the top. I don’t know that I would have accepted it from someone with whom I’m not close. I think it was a jerky move for this guy to blow you off, but I don’t think you shuld have accepted to begin with! You weren’t even planning to invite him to the wedding! 

    Post # 37
    580 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If it makes you feel better, at my best friend’s wedding, one of the groomsmen just didn’t show up at the rehearsal or the wedding. Didn’t answer phone calls, facebook, text, etc. Just flat out did not show.  People just do shady stuff sometimes and it stinks.

    Honestly, I don’t think just because you sent him a save the date that you are required to invite him. I know that goes against etiquette, but really, what is going to happen? The etiquette police are going to come and arrest you? 😉

    I am thinking he has either had a change of circumstances or was never all that well-to-do to begin with. Most of the people I know that flaunt money really don’t have it to flaunt. Who knows. 

    Post # 39
    2582 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Not inviting him after giving him a Save The Date puts you on the same level as this friend – really rude and inconsiderate.  Be the bigger person and send him the invite – if he’s still feeling awkward, he won’t come, and you’ll have done the right thing.

    Post # 40
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply

    He would not take no for an answer and I don’t know what you do in that kind of situation… scream no at him?!? 

    In the future, should you be faced with long lost friends forcing extravagant and inappropriate gifts on you, you say, “Wow, it’s so generous of you to offer, but we really can’t accept that! Thank you so much, though.” And if they continue to insist, you say, “It means so much that you offered to help us, but we just wouldn’t be comfortable accepting such a generous gift.” And if, even after you’ve told the person that this makes you uncomfortable, they keep insisting, you say, “Well, thank you so much for your offer, we’ll talk about it and let you know,” in order to put an end to the conversation– not with any intention of ever accepting. 

    You don’t have to scream at people to decline something from them, you just have to keep politely not accepting and change the topic as soon as conversation permits.

    You know, just for future reference.  😉


    Post # 41
    9874 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I would still invite him, but he may not attend anyway

    Post # 42
    1091 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    You say P is a friend of your FI’s from high school, how well does he know him? Is P the type of guy to be flaky? Maybe he offered the gift but came into some financial difficulties and feels embarrassed for not being able to keep his word. Guys sometimes have to much pride to fess up and admit they can’t do something they promised. Ok, so he’s been posting to Facebook so he’s not hurt or worse so that leaves he’s either a jerk or doesn’t have the $$ to pay for the kilt.

    Should you send an invite? My answer is yes. If you don’t invite him and find out later he hasn’t returned your calls because he fell on hard times would you feel bad that you thought the worst of him? If he is really a jerk and makes promises he can’t keep and he comes to the wedding at least you know you took the high road and kept your promise to follow up with an invite after the STD.

    Post # 44
    179 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    If someone disappointed you like that, think whether you’d even want to see their face on the day without thinking back to their empty promises and sudden convenient disappearing act?

    For such a small wedding, sounds like he’s not close enough to warrant an invite or even continue the friendship.

    Post # 45
    1862 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @blinx:  +1

    I wouldn’t invite him. What a dick. He could’ve at least sent a text saying he’s sorry but he just can’t pay for it at the moment if he doesn’t want to actually have a conversation over the phone with you guys. All etiquette went out the window the moment he started ignoring you. If he can’t get the gift, fine. But he needs to communicate that with you, not leave you hanging on a decision for one of the most important days of your lives together as a couple. 

    Post # 46
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Etiquette be damned!! I would not invite the A-hole.  Who cares if you sent an STD…obviously he didn’t. People are so wrapped up in being the ‘bigger’ person….if someone ‘rubbed me the wrong way’….I would not have them at the biggest day of my life.  Sorry to all those who disagree….just my honest opinion.

    The topic ‘Pre wedding gift promise fell through. Angry’ is closed to new replies.

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