(Closed) Pre wedding gift promise fell through. Angry

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Is it ok to not invite?

    Yes

    No

    This guy is an asshole! You better not invite him!

    You should forgive him, maybe something is going on in his life?

  • Post # 47
    Member
    1412 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

    We shouldn’t live our lives by the book of ediquette. But we should live by forgiveness and redemption. I say to forgive him. It can only add blessings and good karma to you for your wedding.

     

    Post # 48
    Hostess
    7547 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Forgive him and invite him to your wedding. Don’t ruin a friendship (no matter how distant) over an invite. If you don’t invite him, you will be cutting him out of your life forever because of his stupid mistake. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    View original reply
    @tnbellebee:  Hahaha etiquette police! I love it. Honestly, I’m so sick of people on here saying “OMG if you do that your wedding is awful! Here’s what I’d do at MY wedding.” You know what lady? That’s your wedding. 

    I’m having my wedding in my FI’s home country where a lot of customs seen as rude in America are the norm here, vice versa. As a result, I’d have the interpol of etiquette police after me!

    If she’s not concerned about the friendship, she shouldn’t invite him. I mentioned that since she sent the card, he’s kind of invited to the wedding, but that if she doesn’t care if they never see him again, don’t invite him. I have a dear friend who offered to do something for us that would have cost a fortune, .( fly to this country and perform the ceremony), but he’s been so flaky and weird about it I’ve dropped it. If he does it, great, if he doesn’t, we have a backup plan. Too many women on here have totally freaked me out with “So and so promised to pay for this for our wedding so we did it their way, now we’re stuck with the bill!”

    Post # 50
    Member
    6734 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I skimmed through the comments and here is how I feel about it.  I feel that people always want to offer things, but they rarely ever follow through.  That’s just the way life is.  People offer for people to come stay at their homes, but they don’t actually want them there.  People offer to do this that or the other thing, but begrudgingly do it or end up flaking out.  Who knows what the circumstances are?  I sure don’t.  Your Fiance needed a kilt, he should have gone and gotten one without relying on anyone’s promise.  If P wanted to get it for him, he would.  If he didn’t, he wouldn’t.  Your Fiance should have went and gotten what he could have under his budget, regardless.  I don’t think you can be mad at P.  Maybe he put his foot in his mouth and he doesn’t know how to take it back out.  The right thing to do was to go about your business as if he never made the offer – never trust an offer until it’s actually been completed.  That’s how I go about my life – if someone offers me something, I keep it in the back of my mind and go about my business and if it comes through for me, great, and if not, oh well, I didn’t miss out on anything.  I know this is advice that’s a bit too late, but the reason why I’m telling you this is that I don’t think P really did anything that wrong – he made an offer, now he doesn’t know how to take it back.  You still send him an invite and you find it in yourselves to move past this because if the shoe were on the other foot and you ever made a super generous offer to someone b/c you were just so excited to be friends with them again and then you evaluated your circumstances and realized you couldn’t follow through on something as important as their wedding, hopefully, you would be smart enough to just apologize, but I’m sure you would feel awkward.  Maybe something is going on in his life.  Maybe he just feels awkward and doesn’t know what to say.  We don’t know.  I would say – stop with the fb messages and give him a call and say, “Hey, I just wanted to see what was going on because I have’t heard from you in a while and I’m worried.  I really hope everything is Ok, please call us back so that we can get together sometime, we’d love to see you again before things get hectic with the wedding.” And then send him an invite.  Good luck!

    Post # 52
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Don’t invite him. The only reason you were going to invite him was because of his generous gift. Well, that fell through so why would you still invite him?

    If you look rude, it’s only to him and he’ll know exactly why he didn’t get an invite.

    If you get an invite and he shows up it could definitely sour the day for you and your fiance. Why risk the happiest day of your life on someone you weren’t going to invite anyway?

    Etiquette, by definition, is what’s normally done; not what has to be done. There’s no law setting etiquette in place. So many people are having weddings they don’t want because of family and etiquette. I say “whatever.”

    Post # 54
    Member
    2605 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    In light of your small guest list, and his lack of contact over the past 2 months, I would not send an invite.

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