Post # 47
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
We shouldn’t live our lives by the book of ediquette. But we should live by forgiveness and redemption. I say to forgive him. It can only add blessings and good karma to you for your wedding.
Post # 48
Forgive him and invite him to your wedding. Don’t ruin a friendship (no matter how distant) over an invite. If you don’t invite him, you will be cutting him out of your life forever because of his stupid mistake.
Post # 49
Hahaha etiquette police! I love it. Honestly, I’m so sick of people on here saying “OMG if you do that your wedding is awful! Here’s what I’d do at MY wedding.” You know what lady? That’s your wedding.
I’m having my wedding in my FI’s home country where a lot of customs seen as rude in America are the norm here, vice versa. As a result, I’d have the interpol of etiquette police after me!
If she’s not concerned about the friendship, she shouldn’t invite him. I mentioned that since she sent the card, he’s kind of invited to the wedding, but that if she doesn’t care if they never see him again, don’t invite him. I have a dear friend who offered to do something for us that would have cost a fortune, .( fly to this country and perform the ceremony), but he’s been so flaky and weird about it I’ve dropped it. If he does it, great, if he doesn’t, we have a backup plan. Too many women on here have totally freaked me out with “So and so promised to pay for this for our wedding so we did it their way, now we’re stuck with the bill!”
Post # 50
I skimmed through the comments and here is how I feel about it. I feel that people always want to offer things, but they rarely ever follow through. That’s just the way life is. People offer for people to come stay at their homes, but they don’t actually want them there. People offer to do this that or the other thing, but begrudgingly do it or end up flaking out. Who knows what the circumstances are? I sure don’t. Your Fiance needed a kilt, he should have gone and gotten one without relying on anyone’s promise. If P wanted to get it for him, he would. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t. Your Fiance should have went and gotten what he could have under his budget, regardless. I don’t think you can be mad at P. Maybe he put his foot in his mouth and he doesn’t know how to take it back out. The right thing to do was to go about your business as if he never made the offer – never trust an offer until it’s actually been completed. That’s how I go about my life – if someone offers me something, I keep it in the back of my mind and go about my business and if it comes through for me, great, and if not, oh well, I didn’t miss out on anything. I know this is advice that’s a bit too late, but the reason why I’m telling you this is that I don’t think P really did anything that wrong – he made an offer, now he doesn’t know how to take it back. You still send him an invite and you find it in yourselves to move past this because if the shoe were on the other foot and you ever made a super generous offer to someone b/c you were just so excited to be friends with them again and then you evaluated your circumstances and realized you couldn’t follow through on something as important as their wedding, hopefully, you would be smart enough to just apologize, but I’m sure you would feel awkward. Maybe something is going on in his life. Maybe he just feels awkward and doesn’t know what to say. We don’t know. I would say – stop with the fb messages and give him a call and say, “Hey, I just wanted to see what was going on because I have’t heard from you in a while and I’m worried. I really hope everything is Ok, please call us back so that we can get together sometime, we’d love to see you again before things get hectic with the wedding.” And then send him an invite. Good luck!
Post # 51
If you read my post you will see we did end up buying a kilt ourselves. We knew we couldn’t wait any longer to hear from him. We weren’t about to let his flakiness ruin our day.
Also we only ever sent one FB message. Calls, texts and VM have been left. Fiance FB messaged him cause he saw him online and saw that he was posting about his cars and whatnot. But he never replied.
But thanks anyway for the response!
I really like this thought. Thank you for saying this.
Post # 52
Don’t invite him. The only reason you were going to invite him was because of his generous gift. Well, that fell through so why would you still invite him?
If you look rude, it’s only to him and he’ll know exactly why he didn’t get an invite.
If you get an invite and he shows up it could definitely sour the day for you and your fiance. Why risk the happiest day of your life on someone you weren’t going to invite anyway?
Etiquette, by definition, is what’s normally done; not what has to be done. There’s no law setting etiquette in place. So many people are having weddings they don’t want because of family and etiquette. I say “whatever.”
Post # 54
In light of your small guest list, and his lack of contact over the past 2 months, I would not send an invite.