Post # 1
I keep having these dreams that my wedding could be a complete disaster with the guest list…. It’s making it impossible to sleep!!
The guest list is large and keeps growing because friends of friends feel they should be invited even though I’ve maybe known them for a month or so and of course my fiance tells them I am in charge of the invites… I’ve tried to tell them nicely that they’re not invited but everytime I see them they tell me how they are still expecting an invite…how do you tell those people that you’re not inviting them??? I feel like even if I do tell them that somehow they will end up coming, invite or not! On top of that we have friends of his family who are inviting their children and the children of their children… this seems extremely rude to me, but should I expect it???? It makes me regret inviting some of the people we did….
Post # 3
I’m sorry 🙁 this seems to happen to a lot of other bees as well, so no you aren’t alone! I have no idea why some invited people find it ok to just ask aunt-so-and-so to show up with them last minute. But sometimes it happens.
I can’t give much advice yet since our invites have yet to go out… but stick to your guns! When the RSVP’s start coming in, you have every right to let your guests know they can or cannot bring extras. That’s really rude and you could always use the excuse ‘we don’t have enough space’ or ‘are only inviting close friends/family’. Don’t feel bad! This shouldn’t be your problem at all, it’s theirs for expecting to be able to invite others for you.
Post # 4
Here’s what you do:
When people say ‘AMG I WANNA COME INVITE MEEEH’ you close your eyes and scream ‘IN 3 SECONDS OR LESS TELL ME WHAT COLOR MY EYES ARE!’ if they can’t answer be like ‘that’s why you aren’t coming.’
No Justice of the Peace. It’d be funny tho.
Anyways, at some point you are going to have to just be honest with people. Just remember it’s not you being rude, it’s them for assuming their invited. I would tell it like it is! ‘Sorry, we’re sticking to a firm list of close friends and family, thanks for the thought though!’ If someone is really a jerk about it make it quite clear that they are out of bounds on the ‘polite’ line. ‘It’s generally considered courteous not to invite yourself to someone else’s event and to graciously assume they have a good reason be it budget, space, or intimacy not to invite you, thanks for screwing that up though!’
Post # 5
@murmur, that’s a pretty good idea, because honestly half of them couldn’t even tell me my full name, yet my full first name! I find it funny that they feel they should be invited just because they knew my fiance in high school or whatever! My guest list is getting very large with just family and I’m more worried about how they will all fit into the church!! Plus no one seems to realize how expensive weddings actually are!
With the guests inviting other guests, I feel like it is common courtesy to not add addition guests to the RSVP when the invites says Mr&Mrs, not and family or +1, espeically when you’re adding two additional people… It really is rude and adds up if more than a few people add guests…. Thanks for easing my mind though, I never knew this part would be so stressful!!
Post # 6
I completely know where you are coming from! I just posted something similar. We set up a Google Docs spreadsheet to work on our guest list. We were holding steady at 200, and then all of a sudden, 30 people show up, out of nowhere! My FI’s parents added 15-20 people. Fiance added 10, and then mentioned that he saw some other classmates that he was thinking about adding. He said that he would cap it. We’re going to have to come up with a number and stick with it. I don’t mind so much with the reception, I’m really worried about everyone fitting into the church!
I keep reminding myself that just because the guest list says this number, doesn’t actually mean that we will have that many. First of all, at least 14 of those people will be standing during the wedding (wedding party, plus us, plus our officiant, and our organist will be playing). We have quite a few out of town guests, so I know not all of them will be able to make it. It’s just hard to relax and breathe about these things.
Sorry, didn’t mean to threadjack with my own problems, just wanted to let you know that I definitely relate :-).
Post # 7
It is extremely rude of them to just assume that they can bring friends and kids and whoever else that weren’t invited and then expect you to foot the bill and accomodate the extras. I would put my foot down, just let them know that you appreciate that they want to celebrate with you but you have a strict budget and limited space. And by no means am I bashing your fiance, but to totally put the responsibility of rejecting people on your shoulders isn’t fair, especially if some of the uninvited are his old friends.
Post # 8
@FutureMrsMM: Just tell people that “the guest list has already been decided”. If they ask can they come, tell them you are on a strict budget and have reached maximum capacity at your vendor.
You wedding and especially your reception should only be reserved for those who are closest to you. You deserve to know 30 years from now who are in your wedding photos.
Post # 9
@FutureMrsMM: We are date twins!!
Hun, have a hostess or two at the door with the list of those invited. That is the ONLY WAY to keep people uninvited out. Have a seating chart as well.