Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception
Hi, hive. I am so sad to have to write this post, but I could really use some advice.
My fiance’s mother passed away very unexpectedly. She was relatively young (just turned 60 a month ago), and experienced a very sudden, massive heart attack. It is an unbelievable tragedy; my fiance is devastated and heartbroken beyond words. I never imagined that I would support him through losing his mother at 26 years old.
But more practically, I’m wondering how I am supposed to move on with planning our wedding–it’s in September 2010. I just can’t imagine how we can move on and continue with the fluffy little stuff like talking to florists and finding a make-up artist in the face of this loss. It all seems so stupid and pointless now–my fiance’s mother will not see us get married. I can’t believe it.
I don’t think we want to postpone the wedding, and I don’t think she would want us to, either. But I don’t know what to do. I’m just so sad. I have been having so much fun planning our wedding, and we have all been incredibly excited for the day. No matter what, it will never be the day that we imagined it would be now.
Do you have any words of advice? Any suggestions?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry for your loss… I wish for comfort and peace for you and your family. And for guidance as well <3
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
I’m so so sorry for your loss.
Take a break from wedding planning for a few weeks and just be there to support your Fiance and his family. Don’t even think about it yet. As time moves forward, you guys will eventually get around to figuring out how to go on. Luckily you’ve still got a relatively long time until the wedding.
Oh, and maybe check out Mrs. Beagle’s posts, as she lost her mother a few months before her wedding. Maybe it will give you some peace.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry for your family’s loss.
I would wait until at least after the funeral to make any decisions about the wedding. Right now everyone is probably very raw and not in the best position to think rationally about how to proceed. If you’re worried about deposits, I would phone your vendors ASAP, explain the situation and ask for their understanding as you and Fiance sort things through.
As to whether or not you go ahead, I think that should probably be governed by your Fiance and his father’s feelings. They’re the two most affected by the loss, and so it would probably be best if their opinions carried the most weight.
Post # 6
Something similar happened in my family at the start of Dec 09, We actually had a florist meeting for the wedding and had to do funeral flowers as well. Its hard, but also gives a good distraction. You can also talk to your Fiance and see how/if he owuld like to honor his mother in somehow during the ceremony.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Post # 7
I am so sorry for your loss!!! I can’t even begin to imagine how hard this is for your fiance, and for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys.
Post # 8
I am so sorry for your loss. September is still 7 months away. I would give it sometime at least a month or so and then resume wedding planning. Anything you need to do over the next month or so, maybe try to go to some appointments by yourself. I’m sure your Fiance needs you and your attention right now, maybe in a few weeks he’ll want to start focusing on the wedding since it is something positive.
Post # 9
I am so sorry! I will also be sending you good thoughts and wishes. Can you just put a hold on wedding planning for a little while, while still keeping your date?
Post # 10
That is very sad, and I wish you the best of luck in supporting your Fiance through this. I too would put the planning down for a while and when you and him feel ready, pick it back up.
Post # 11
I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure that she wouldn’t want you to stop planning either. You have plenty of time to work out the rest of the details, so take the time you need to grieve and when you both are feeling up to it you can finish planning. Also maybe thinking of ways to honor her would help your Fiance remember her on the wedding day.
Post # 12
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what the two of you must be going through. I can understand how the things on your wedding to-do list must seem so unimportant right now, and for the most part they are. I would suggest that you two not focus on anything wedding-related right now. Your Fiance needs time to heal emotionally, well at least heal as best he can right now. That’s not something that will ever completely go away. Like you said, your FI’s mom would not want you two to postpone the wedding, so don’t do that, but try to put the little things out of your mind for now and focus on being there for your Fiance right now when he really needs your support. If there are wedding things that absolutely need to be taken care of right now, I would do them on your own or with a Bridesmaid or Best Man, your mom, etc. and not bother him with it if you think that he won’t be able to handle it or won’t want to deal with wedding stuff. The most important thing right now is to support him emotionally while he works through this loss. Again, I’m so sorry to hear that you and your Fiance are going through this. ((HUGS))
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2010 - Marie Gabrielle, Dallas
I was going to say exactly what Mrs. Mouse did. I think it’s so important to just take a break for a while and not make decisions about anything wedding related. I promise you still have plenty of time to plan for Sept even with a break. And, I’m really sorry for your and your fiance’s loss.
Post # 14
I am sorry for your loss and my only advice would be to take this time from wedding planning to help your FH thru his grief and be there to comfort him because even though men act tough and try to keep it all in we all know that sooner or later it comes out. Since the wedding is 7-8 months away maybe you can ask your FI how he would like to include his mother into the day even though she wont be there physically she will be there in spirit and thru his love for her. I know i have seen some postings on here about ways to tie in the memory of a parent into the special day. Once again I am truly sorry for your loss.
Post # 15
Big hugs. I know how hard this can be. FH’s dad passed away in early Dec after a 5 month battle against lung cancer. It was soul destroying to see such a wonderful man die in such pain. Sometimes it’s still unbelievable to think that he won’t see his boy get married.
All I can say is right now, shelve the wedding planning and be there for your FH. In a week or so just ask him if he would like to continue with the planning or if he wants to move it back. And then continue on from there.
My FH is the kind of person who needs something to keep him busy otherwise he falls into a funk over this kind of thing that can take months and months for him to get out of. So he asked that we keep going with wedding projects. We scheduled a couple hours a week to dedicate to wedding planning and for the rest of the week we let it go and he went to see his family and deal with the funeral, etc etc. As time has gone by we’ve slowly increased the amount of time we’re dedicating to wedding planning.
If you need someone to talk to then feel free to PM me. FH and I are by no means out of the woods yet but by standing by each other and supporting each other we’re definitely getting there.
Post # 16
I am so sorry for your loss, that is so tragic and just awful. Mrs. Mouse is right on the money- you don’t need to necessarily postpone your wedding, but I have no doubt it is so hard to think about fluffy stuff like florists and DJs right now. If I were you, just take a month off of wedding planning, totally put it out of your head and be there for your Fiance and grieve until March, and see how you feel. I think if you need to take several weeks off of planning, you are so far out that you should be able to do that and not jepordize anything. I wouldn’t necessarily postpone the wedding- September may seem right around the corner now but I think things should be a little calmer for you by then, and I have no doubt your celebration will help lift other’s spirits.
Take care of yourself!