(Closed) Preacher won't marry us

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ask at other churches!! Other denominations aren’t interested in whether you’re sleeping together, and will be happy to marry you. I’m presbyterian, and our pastor is a neighbor who knows us well and coudn’t be happier for us. 

Where are you in Arkansas? I don’t see a town called “Array.” I’d be glad to help you find a church that will marry you.

Post # 4
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I hate such personal questions.  That to me is very un-Christian.  There is someout that will marry you!

Post # 5
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We’re getting married Catholic, have been living together for a few years and our priest is still marrying us. He has made it clear that he doesn’t agree with our living arrangments but didn’t say he would not marry us. Maybe you can find somewhere else. No reason for you to feel badly about living with your fiance before marriage, everyone is different and some people prefer to live together first. It’s your choice! 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

some baptist churches are very strict.  i would suggest finding another church to marry you. 

do you want to/have to get married in a church? some brides really want that wedding feel so i understand if you do.

another option:  what about at a park or your venue?  ask around if anyone knows a minister that will marry you at your venue.  i actually found my minister on-line.  he was wonderful.  he was very professional & it was a beautiful service.  all of my guests commented how lovely it was.

Post # 7
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012 - Watch tower lodge, Black hawk state Park Rock Island, IL

I had that issue with my first wedding, we were married in a lutheran church instead. Baptist can be VERY conservative and strict! and not just in the south I live in Iowa.

Post # 8
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is a pretty standard position – especially for a Baptist preacher.  If the pastor preaches that premarital sex is a sin then it could be seen as hypocritical to bless that behavior by saying “yup, this is a healthy relationship that honors God.  I believe God would want me to marry these two because they obviously want to honor Him.” – and that’s really what it comes down to when he agrees to perform the marriage… I grew up in a Baptist church, (I’m not so active now.) and many of them have clearly defined requirements before you can get married in the church/by the pastor.  – I won’t be using my mom’s pastor, not only has my FH made it clear that he’d like a less religious wedding, we also don’t care to do the required months of premarital classes. 

My point is that I don’t think this pastor’s refusal to perform your wedding ceremony is personal.

If you aren’t currently active in a church, but wish to have a pastor (as opposed to a less religious figure – who can also be a wonderful officiant for a beautiful and meaningful ceremony) then I’d suggest that you call around to other local churches and inquire about their pastors’ willingness to officiate your wedding ceremony.  Be clear about your relationship and that the two of you have already set up a loving home together, because you certainly want to find someone who is able to understand and accept your choices!

Post # 9
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@ProfessorGirl: Heh, the “Array” thing is a WB error where the wedding date is supposed to be. I’ve got it too. 🙁

I agree with pps–look elsewhere. We’re using an officiant that will perform a ceremony however we want. 

Post # 10
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree to look elsewere. :/ Yes, all that is important but to say no to marrying you over that? um…. sounds like someone who’d be better off outside your special day! 

Post # 11
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 1997

@CaseyGail09: Do feel the need to be married inside a church or is it more that you want to be married by a Christian minister? If it is the religious ceremony but not the building then there are Wedding Officiants that are religious. You may be able to be married by one that has a background that is Baptist. Or maybe a Nondenominational minister would be able to help you.

If it is the building, the physical church, then look for a different church. However, as stated above the strict nature of some religions may cause you problems or difficulties finding a church that will agree to wed you.

 

Post # 12
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Why would you support/join/want to get married by a church who obviously doesn’t support your lifestyle choices? If it is important for you to live together before marriage, there are 101 churches that will open their arms and welcome you and your Fiance (along with your living arrangements). Move on. 

Post # 13
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You don’t seem to be particularly religious (I’d assume that one would get married in the church that they regularly or occasionally attended and you did not mention a )–why get married in a church at all?  There are many celebrants and officiants who are not preachers and will marry you and won’t care about your living situation or your relationship (or lack thereof) with god.  I think it’s a bit disrespectful of other’s cherished beliefs if you hijack their religious ceremony for your own purposes.

Post # 14
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

a wise man who happens to be a priest once put this in perspective for me. “I did not get a trial run of the preisthood, I made the commitment from my heart. Marriage is as much of a commitment as the priesthood and living together is a trial run.” now that said if you can’t live by the preacher’s rules find another celebrant. I think you might be happier with a non religious setting, remember this is about you and not about the guests… the ceremony anyways.

Post # 15
Member
418 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you so soon before your wedding. Would it be a viable option to have a close friend / family member be ordained online so that they can perform your ceremony? Sorry, I’m unfamiliar with Baptist traditions and rituals. Good luck finding a solution!

Post # 16
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I live in Little Rck and am getting married at Quapaw Quarter United Methodist. They are super inclusive and laid back- love it. Both Fiance and I are connected to people in every AR county though- shoot me a pm, and maybe I can help!

 

Also, our pastor is letting one of our friends help perform the ceremony because it is what we want- he is that laid back!

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