(Closed) Preacher won't marry us

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 32
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Hi me and my man are planning on getting married April 13 2013 and we are goin to have a problem findin a preacher to marry us because he has been married before can someone help with that problem

Post # 33
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just a thought, you can always have a friend marry you. We had a friend’s dad get ordained online (used American Marriage Ministries, it’s legal in all 50 states and free! I’m actually ordained now too, because I was bored while ordaining him). Check your actual state laws, some may have to have him register as an officiant before performing it), and he did a fantastic job. He was a Justice of the Peace in Alaska, but it wasn’t legal here in Texas, so we had to have him ordained. He had married a couple of other couples before as well.

Post # 34
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@MrsElopement: Actually, Roman Catholic priests cannot refuse to marry a couple because they cohabitate together.  The Bishops’ Council released a statement on it.

Post # 35
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

 Op I think I would keep looking around, there are probably less strict Baptist Ministers

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@MrsElopement:  I am Catholic as are most of our friends, it is not something that any Catholic priest has ever asked or inquired about. He know we have lived together for a very long time and it has never been an issue, I think a lot of Catholic priests are not worrying about those things so much now.

Post # 36
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@CaseyGail09:  You really can’t expect somebody to marry you in a church where you don’t agree with their beliefs. I feel you’d be hard pressed to find a pastor who would marry you if you’re living together and sleeping together because that’s explicitely unbiblical, even if you do “know” you’ll be together forever (I only say “know” since obviously God is the only person who has the final word on that). The best you could bet is to find another church, do a civil ceremony, or actually align your lives with the beliefs that you say you believe in. I only say that so harshly because biblically, if you call yourself a Christian and you’re living in sin, another Christian has the right to call you out on it (1 Cor 5). It’s your choice, but I’m saying this as a sister in Christ, not as somebody who’s judging you.

Post # 37
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You could get a friend or family member that is a good public speaker to perform the ceremony for you.  All they would have to do is get ordained on the internet. My fiance’s best friend is performing our ceremony.  Neither of us is active in a church, and his BFF got ordained online for fun several years.  He probably never thought he would actually use it for anything…  It’s actually really cool, because it will keep the ceremony very personal, instead of it being some person we don’t even know up there. 

Post # 38
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@shrimpcupnoodle:  it comes across a bit judgmentally.  Frown

Post # 39
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Check your local yellow pages or local bridal boards for a minister referral service. We’re planning to marry outdoors and not at a church so we know that we’ll need to find an officiant who is independent (not tied to a specific church/location) and will be willing to marry us regardless of us living together and not really attending a church right now.

Post # 40
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Pastorally, the Catholic Church sees living together before engagement as different from living together beforehand.

One is consumating the marriage too early, the latter is playing house. Very different statistics for divorce, too.

Post # 41
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

How about contacting a justice of peace. They usually don’t charge that much and they will come anywhere you want for the ceremony. My preacher knew of our arrangement and said nothing of it. Its kinda ridiculous.

Post # 42
Member
697 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t worry about that preacher! You certainly dont want someone standing there on your big day judging you anyway. We were married by a reverand, but chose a nonreligious ceremony and it was perfect! Good luck!

Post # 43
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would suggest a marriage celebrant to marry you in this case… 

They are usually happy to work with the bride and groom to adjust things as requested. Good luck!!!

Post # 44
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hope you can find some other preacher somwhere else and that it works out:)

I have to say that I really agree with your decision to try to live together before marrying, I know way to many couples who divorced that might have been avoided if they tried to live together first, but different religous views say different of course…

Post # 45
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It seems like the only thing you can do is to keep looking for someone. I don’t think you’re going to change anyone’s mind if they’re set against couples living together first. It’s a rule that they probably make a point of following and brag about to their congregations.

Do you have any close friends who are poetic or good public speakers? Maybe one of them could get a marriage license online. An added bonus would be that you could emphasize to people how you wanted to make the ceremony extra special, which would take the focus off of the clergymen’s rejections and the controversial “living together or not” issue. If you did go this route, I’d recommend helping with/editing the “speech,” though.

This is random, but I just finished watching The Tudors, and I learned that in that time, if a couple was planning on getting married to each other, then sleeping together was not considered wrong. Huh! So the Catholic church used to think it was OK. Of course, you may want to fact-check me before using this to bolster your argument with anyone, as my sources are a TV show and the illustrious Wikipedia. 😉

Good luck!!

Post # 46
Member
346 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@floridagirlblue:  exactly. you dont want to talk someone into marrying you or saying things that dont apply to you at your wedding.

you WILL find someone else as long as you look 🙂

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