(Closed) Preacher won't marry us

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 47
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

If you can’t find a preacher do justice of the peace.

Post # 48
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

@CaseyGail09:  The Bible has some crazy rules in it, particularly with regard to sex.  When talking to someone whose career revolves around reading and interpreting the Bible, you are likely to have to adhere to those crazy rules.  You shouldn’t be surprised.

Post # 49
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

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@kacmcg7:  Those statistics are skewed and almost always misquoted.  Of course people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce — they are also less likely to hold religious beliefs that say they are going to hell if they divorce!  Concomittant variation does not entail causation, and I think you’re out of line to imply otherwise.

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@shrimpcupnoodle:  Your post is a great reason why people should stop coddling religion.  You guys REALLY DO believe that stuff.  It’s morality based on bronze age principles.  It’s entirely anti-scientific, anti-philosophical and contrary to ordinary intuitions about morality.  The proper response is not to better align one’s self to it, even if it is strict, but realize the absurdity of it and walk away.  Living in fear of hell because you do a certain thing with your body is silly, and I’m not going to be bashful about saying so.

It’s a shame that so many people try to sit on the fence between your side and the side of reason.  Hopefully one day they will come to their senses and just hop over the damn thing entirely. 

Post # 50
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@MrsD41503:  We also are getting married Catholic and have lived together for ~6 years. Our priest doesn’t agree as well, but we’ve proven that we’re taking all the premarital stuff seriously. I just love the statistics they try to throw at you about the divorce rate of peopel living together. 75-85% LOL

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@CaseyGail09: I was all ready for our priest to not marry us or give us a hard time and I thought at one point “Fine, I’m not giving up what I believe in so I guess we’ll find a pretty park and get married there!” As much as faith is important, don’t give up something you believe in! Also remember, it’s all about what the two of you want. Best of luck!

 

Post # 51
Member
2436 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@CaseyGail09:  Sounds like you dodged a bullet. 🙂 You found out that guy was a complete A-hole BEFORE you had him officiate your wedding!

Post # 52
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

This is one of MANY reasons I am thankful to be able to avoid the entire religious aspect of weddings with my Atheist self and Agnostic SO. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.

In my opinion, I’d want someone who was happy for me to be getting married, not judgmental of my life to be marrying my anyway, so I’d say so long to the preacher and find someone who welcomes you as a couple for you.

 

My mom went online and took this class thing to become ordained even though she is an Atheist and can now legally marry people. She did it through some really open minded church group. Maybe you could have a friend or loved one be ordained so you wouldn’t have to worry about the costs or the judgement? It’s much more personal that way too! I’m really looking forward to having my mom marry us 🙂

Post # 53
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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@Zemerald: I realise this is an old post, but this is extremely offensive: “It’s morality based on bronze age principles.  It’s entirely anti-scientific, anti-philosophical and contrary to ordinary intuitions about morality.”

How is religion anti-scientific, especially when it inspired so much science throughout the ages? In the case of modern Christianity, it is only anti-scientific if you follow branches which have not been influenced by eighteenth century German scientific rationalism… and there are plenty of them. As for anti-philosophical… this is simply bizarre when you consider how much philosophy throughout the ages was based on Christian rationalist traditions. As for ordinary institutions about morality… most of these stem from the concept of humanism, which in turn stem from the writings of early Catholic saints.

It’s very easy to kill a straw man, isn’t it?

OP: I hope you found a new minister to marry you. I would also find a different set of religious traditions to follow, church wise. I have no love for this American charismatic stuff. I may be prejudiced, but I think that you should examine paths which are based on more of a rationalist Christian tradition. There are many paths, both Christian and non-Christian, which you can explore, and your own path is unique and personal to you. Best of British!

Post # 54
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I am baptist and I didn’t want to deal with any preacher around here.  None of them have a close enough relationship with me and my Fiance, in my opinion, to marry me.  My dad, thankfully, got his license a long time ago where he could officiate weddings, and the day my Fiance proposed, I called my dad and asked him if he would marry us.

This is off topic, but my dad left my mom in 2009; just a couple weeks after my birthday.  Our relationship has been a hard one to mend and he’s moved to a different state.  My Fiance didn’t like the idea at first, of the man who caused me so much pain (I say he didn’t just divorce my mom, he divorced me as well) to offciate our wedding, but it’s always been a dream of mine, and now my brother gets to walk me down the aisle, which is also a dream of mine.  The whole reason of me saying this is to say that you don’t have to be married by a preacher.  You are one of God’s children, and you have devoted yourself to this man and like my relationship, you probably already see yourself as being married to your FI; married to him through God, not by some ceremony.

 

I’ve been with my Fiance for 7 years, we’ve been living together for around 3(not actually by any sort of choice of ours), and it’s the best decision we’ve ever made.  I was so scared after my parents got divorced that the same would happen to us, and now we are so used to one another that all it’s done is made our relationship stronger.  Please don’t be discouraged by a close-minded preacher.   God still loves you and he supports you, even when others turn their back on you!

Post # 55
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

I think having a family member or close friend marry you is an awesome idea. It just makes everything so much more intimate and personal to you and your future spouse. 🙂

I also agree with

View original reply
shrimpcupnoodle 100%
A pastor (person) has the right to decline his services for any reason. Even if you disagree that there is biblical support for his concerns, he still has his personal rights (freedom of religion). I understand why
View original reply
harley_jem feels like what shrimpcupnoodle said was judgmental, but i do not think Shrimp was wrong in what she said. The bible is a very offensive book in that it will tell you not to do things that you want to do. So anytime someone talks about what it says, often people feel judged or condemned. And if we judge righteously (which the bible tells us to do) certainly people will feel judged, since they are judged. But there is a difference between a law maker, a law interpreter, and a law enforcer.

 

I think there is going to be a big issue with the LBGT issues, and pastors refusing to marry couples.
I’m curious as how our freedom of religion is going to be effected.

Post # 56
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Stop living together or find another officiant.

 

Post # 57
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Find a nondenominational chapel to get married in. Problem solved!

Post # 58
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@Anna10-05-2014:  your freedom to believe and practice bigotry will be protected, not to worry!

Post # 60
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Anna10-05-2014:  “And if we judge righteously (which the bible tells us to do) certainly people will feel judged, since they are judged.”

 

You might want to recheck your bible on that. Here are a few verses to get you started:

Luke 6:37

Matthew 7:1-5

Matthew 6:14-15

What do they all say? NOT TO JUDGE OTHERS. 

Post # 61
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CaseyGail09:  um, woof. this is why i shy away from religion.

ask a friend to do it, they can get ordained online through the universal life church, and its super easy. 🙂

Post # 62
Member
1783 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s time for a new pastor! There are several out there who will do it for you with no problem! We are living n 2013, unmarried couples live together and will sleep together. This pastor is just not a good fit, find a new one that will be! 🙂 You don’t want to deal with any added stress!

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