Pregnancy and Mother/MIL stress

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
2976 posts
Sugar bee

Not crazy. Stick to your guns. This is a deeply personal time, and they can just get over themselves. They had their kids. I guess they should have had more if they wanted to be in control. 

As someone who just gave birth last Tuesday, believe me when I say you only want the most important people in that room besides medical staff. For me, that was my mom and Darling Husband. Anyone else, I would have probably attempted to kill. 

Stay strong! Labor and Delivery is no joke, you don’t need to be dealing with controlling, demanding mothers on top of everything else. 

Post # 3
Member
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My mom’s been the same way throughout my pregnancy. I’ve learned that for my own sanity (and to not get stressed out which wouldn’t be good for the baby), I need to stick to my guns, do things how I want, and if she’s not happy with it, too bad. I’m an adult. I remove myself from conversations with her if she’s pushing my buttons. If it pisses her off, fine. I have bigger concerns than that right now—like doing what’s best for me, Darling Husband, and baby—and I won’t let myself risk that to appease her. 

We haven’t yet discussed with her who’ll be in the delivery room yet, but if she expects to be in there, then I have no problem putting her on the list of “people who should not be allowed in the delivery room” on the birthing worksheet my doctor gave me. I love her and she will be one of the first people in the door afterwards to meet her grandson, but if there’s a line in the sand that I need to draw, I’m drawing it. 

I too didn’t want any baby things early on (and at 33 weeks, still feel this way!). But she’s picked up a few things here and there despite this, constantly telling me I’m being ridiculous for worrying. For those situations, I try not to get upset about what I can’t control (i.e., I can’t stop her from buying something and it’s not worth the frustration of continuing to pointlessly argue with her about it). So I just focus on what I can control and choose to handle it my way—graciously accept the things she gives me, but pack it all away into a closet. I’ll go unpack things when I feel ready.

So stick to your guns and try not to get upset about what you can’t control. Hope things get better, bee. Stay happy and healthy for you and baby 🤗

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Grid.
Post # 4
Member
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Desilu09 :  Good luck and stay positive! It does make things 1000% easier when your Darling Husband is in your corner. Lol I have no idea where my post went btw, but I’m glad you saw it before it disappeared into the Weddingbee ether. Have a happy third trimester!

Post # 5
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

Stay strong! It really is best to set firm boundaries before the baby arrives. If your Mother-In-Law buys something for the baby before you are ready to receive it, don’t take it home. If you don’t trust her not to show up at the hospital and make a scene, don’t tell her you are in labor. Sooner or later she will understand that you say what you mean. 

ETA: just think! Dealing with all these tantrums will prepare you for motherhood! 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
6225 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I love that when your wackjob Brother-In-Law said something about himself and Father-In-Law being in the delivery room you were just like “Why would you be in the delivery room?” Ha!

I agree with what Gridmonster posted. Just focus on yourself and the baby and do what you want/need to do. You’re about to find out that people have ALL KINDS of opinions about what you should do as parents. This is a good time to get in the habit of doing your thing and just letting them be mad and salty.

Post # 7
Member
6566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Desilu09 :  Oh my gosh.  I can’t believe you’re going through that.  That would honestly be a nightmare situation for me.  Stick to your guns.  It sounds that your husband has been truly amazing, and having him on your side is all you need right now.

Post # 8
Member
6448 posts
Bee Keeper

Desilu09 :  Neither our moms were in the delivery room for either my pregnancies.  My Mother-In-Law was not pleased the first time around and got over it.  The second time she knew she wasn’t going to see the baby at the hospital after delivery and had to wait a full 6 weeks before she saw the baby.  We stuck to our guns even though she didn’t like it.  It’s something that you and your husband need to remain firm on no matter what. If you don’t want them in there don’t let them bully you into doing something you don’t want.

your body, your decisions (wel mostly, let your husband have some input)

Post # 9
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Posts like this make me SO glad that my husband’s family live 4,000 miles away. Seriously, I could not not imagine having to put up with this this!! D: 

I know that I’m just repeating what other posters have already said, but stick to your guns OP. Nobody has any right to be in the delivery room unless YOU want them there!! (Also, I’d love to know if your Mother-In-Law had her Mother-In-Law in the delivery room when she gave birth to your husband. Somehow I doubt it!!) 

 

Post # 10
Member
11616 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Desilu09 :  what. The. F. 

The Brother-In-Law and Mother-In-Law planned an attack on you guys over dinner re their delivery room entitlement?!?! I can’t even. No, it’s not your hormones. That’s outrageous.

while I can sort of understand Mother-In-Law expecting/hoping she might be allowed, the BIL?! What are these people smoking? 

Bottom line, giving birth is a medical procedure and a personal experience. You don’t come with them to their colonoscopies. They don’t need to be in the delivery room with you.

It’s YOUR body, YOUR medical privacy, YOUR experience. So glad your Darling Husband has your back! You guys are going to need to stay strong as a team! 

 

Post # 11
Member
9718 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

They are being incredibly selfish. You’ve asked for nothing unreasonable. It will be a cold day in hell before I even think about letting my mom, much less my Mother-In-Law, in the delivery room. Your comfort is priority #1 during labor and everyone else can just STFU about what they want. Stand your ground! These decisions are 100% up to you and your husband, don’t let anyone bully you into doing what they want over what you need.

I’m actually quite anxious about my mom and Mother-In-Law behaving like yours and we aren’t even TTC! Some days I think it might be lovely if I could avoid telling anyone I was pregnant until after the baby is born!

Post # 12
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Limited audience?!? How about no audience! Oooh that would have set me off girl. Nobody has the right to be in the delivery room, only those that you choose! Stick to your guns and do not feel any type of guilt whatsoever. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Post # 13
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m about to hit 5 months pregnant and I get ya! Not so much about delivery, thankfully everyone respects that it’ll only be husband and I there but just today I was telling my mom that we’ll likely only bring our baby out after about 6 weeks old. We’re having our child in winter and live in the windiest and wettest city in New Zealand. My midwife advised us to only go out after 6 weeks. My mom said its over the top and ludicrous. I’ve told her straight up that I’m not taking a newborn out in the thick of winter and they can come to us if they want to visit initially. I’m not asking much and I’ll stick to my guns come hell or high water. You just have to. X 

Post # 14
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I feel like the older generation like to claim that they have better manners than us younger people etc but I find time and time again that they are more pushy, intolerant and unintelligent than us a lot of the time. From old wives tales to traditions that everyone hates. Arg enough already!!! 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors