Post # 1
Hello Ladies! Here I am again, struggling with coping with my mother. However, this time I have the added bonus of stress from my In-laws. So, here goes something…
I’m not sure if my old post is on here about my narcissistic mother but feel free to look!
I am now almost 6 months pregnant, I didn’t find out until 8 Weeks, and we announced it at thanksgiving at 14 Weeks. Everyone was very excited and there were tears (they have been hounding us for the better part of 10 years to have grandkids) and it was a happy moment! Cut to 10 mins later when my Mother-In-Law, Father-In-Law and Brother-In-Law began running through a list of names of our close friends wanting to know who knew before them (the answer is my best friend, my husband’s best friend and my dad (he wasn’t going to be at thanksgiving dinner). After thanksgiving they talked to us one time until Christmas and that was when we went out for dinner for FIL’s birthday. After Christmas we only say them on MIL’s birthday and two other times that we stopped by their house. My husband is very angry with them, I am slightly relieved because I was worried about being overwhelmed. (Keep in mind this is very unusual to not hear from them) While we were out to dinner last my Brother-In-Law brought up something about him and Father-In-Law being in the delivery room, I was caught off guard and said “why would you be in the delivery room?” in a very confused tone. My Mother-In-Law quickly said “I assume it will be a limited audience” to which I said “yeah, me and DH” she was visibly upset and said she wanted to be in there to talk to me and keep me comfortable. I told her that I was a very private person (she knows this) and that I wanted it to be my husband and I in there. I was told that I was selfish to which I replied that it was my body. My Brother-In-Law jumped in (visibly angry) asking if my mother was going to be in there, Darling Husband said “no, we said just us two” and made it clear that we made this decision together a while ago. After dinner Darling Husband pointed out that they clearly had this confrontation planned out and were already upset before starting the conversation. I felt dumb for not seeing that.
Both Mother and Mother-In-Law are upset that we asked everyone not to get us any baby stuff until the baby shower when I am farther along. They have taken it personally, my mother screamed at me and his mom still made purchases saying “I’m not going to not get my grandchild something for Christmas”. They both are aware that I have a higher risk pregnancy which is why I wanted to wait. If, god forbid, I lost my baby, it would tear me apart to have to take a crib down or lock my nursery up until I could handle it. Now I have both moms mad because I won’t let them in the delivery room. And insulted that I don’t want them to stay with me for two weeks after I give birth, and I also don’t want to be touched and rubbed and asked personal questions! Am I going crazy?! Is it the hormones? Help!
Post # 2
Not crazy. Stick to your guns. This is a deeply personal time, and they can just get over themselves. They had their kids. I guess they should have had more if they wanted to be in control.
As someone who just gave birth last Tuesday, believe me when I say you only want the most important people in that room besides medical staff. For me, that was my mom and Darling Husband. Anyone else, I would have probably attempted to kill.
Stay strong! Labor and Delivery is no joke, you don’t need to be dealing with controlling, demanding mothers on top of everything else.
Post # 3
My mom’s been the same way throughout my pregnancy. I’ve learned that for my own sanity (and to not get stressed out which wouldn’t be good for the baby), I need to stick to my guns, do things how I want, and if she’s not happy with it, too bad. I’m an adult. I remove myself from conversations with her if she’s pushing my buttons. If it pisses her off, fine. I have bigger concerns than that right now—like doing what’s best for me, Darling Husband, and baby—and I won’t let myself risk that to appease her.
We haven’t yet discussed with her who’ll be in the delivery room yet, but if she expects to be in there, then I have no problem putting her on the list of “people who should not be allowed in the delivery room” on the birthing worksheet my doctor gave me. I love her and she will be one of the first people in the door afterwards to meet her grandson, but if there’s a line in the sand that I need to draw, I’m drawing it.
I too didn’t want any baby things early on (and at 33 weeks, still feel this way!). But she’s picked up a few things here and there despite this, constantly telling me I’m being ridiculous for worrying. For those situations, I try not to get upset about what I can’t control (i.e., I can’t stop her from buying something and it’s not worth the frustration of continuing to pointlessly argue with her about it). So I just focus on what I can control and choose to handle it my way—graciously accept the things she gives me, but pack it all away into a closet. I’ll go unpack things when I feel ready.
So stick to your guns and try not to get upset about what you can’t control. Hope things get better, bee. Stay happy and healthy for you and baby 🤗
Post # 4
MsPlucky : TheGridMonster :
congrats to you both! I’m so excited for my little one to get here! Am I am lucky to have a very supporting husband! I am also getting comments about how ridiculous I’m being for wanting to wait for baby stuff. I am definitely working on holding my ground and sticking to my guns!
Post # 4
Desilu09 : Good luck and stay positive! It does make things 1000% easier when your Darling Husband is in your corner. Lol I have no idea where my post went btw, but I’m glad you saw it before it disappeared into the Weddingbee ether. Have a happy third trimester!
Post # 5
Stay strong! It really is best to set firm boundaries before the baby arrives. If your Mother-In-Law buys something for the baby before you are ready to receive it, don’t take it home. If you don’t trust her not to show up at the hospital and make a scene, don’t tell her you are in labor. Sooner or later she will understand that you say what you mean.
ETA: just think! Dealing with all these tantrums will prepare you for motherhood! 🙂
Post # 6
I love that when your wackjob Brother-In-Law said something about himself and Father-In-Law being in the delivery room you were just like “Why would you be in the delivery room?” Ha!
I agree with what Gridmonster posted. Just focus on yourself and the baby and do what you want/need to do. You’re about to find out that people have ALL KINDS of opinions about what you should do as parents. This is a good time to get in the habit of doing your thing and just letting them be mad and salty.
Post # 7
Desilu09 : Oh my gosh. I can’t believe you’re going through that. That would honestly be a nightmare situation for me. Stick to your guns. It sounds that your husband has been truly amazing, and having him on your side is all you need right now.
Post # 8
Desilu09 : Neither our moms were in the delivery room for either my pregnancies. My Mother-In-Law was not pleased the first time around and got over it. The second time she knew she wasn’t going to see the baby at the hospital after delivery and had to wait a full 6 weeks before she saw the baby. We stuck to our guns even though she didn’t like it. It’s something that you and your husband need to remain firm on no matter what. If you don’t want them in there don’t let them bully you into doing something you don’t want.
your body, your decisions (wel mostly, let your husband have some input)
Post # 9
Posts like this make me SO glad that my husband’s family live 4,000 miles away. Seriously, I could not not imagine having to put up with this this!! D:
I know that I’m just repeating what other posters have already said, but stick to your guns OP. Nobody has any right to be in the delivery room unless YOU want them there!! (Also, I’d love to know if your Mother-In-Law had her Mother-In-Law in the delivery room when she gave birth to your husband. Somehow I doubt it!!)
Post # 10
Desilu09 : what. The. F.
The Brother-In-Law and Mother-In-Law planned an attack on you guys over dinner re their delivery room entitlement?!?! I can’t even. No, it’s not your hormones. That’s outrageous.
while I can sort of understand Mother-In-Law expecting/hoping she might be allowed, the BIL?! What are these people smoking?
Bottom line, giving birth is a medical procedure and a personal experience. You don’t come with them to their colonoscopies. They don’t need to be in the delivery room with you.
It’s YOUR body, YOUR medical privacy, YOUR experience. So glad your Darling Husband has your back! You guys are going to need to stay strong as a team!
Post # 11
They are being incredibly selfish. You’ve asked for nothing unreasonable. It will be a cold day in hell before I even think about letting my mom, much less my Mother-In-Law, in the delivery room. Your comfort is priority #1 during labor and everyone else can just STFU about what they want. Stand your ground! These decisions are 100% up to you and your husband, don’t let anyone bully you into doing what they want over what you need.
I’m actually quite anxious about my mom and Mother-In-Law behaving like yours and we aren’t even TTC! Some days I think it might be lovely if I could avoid telling anyone I was pregnant until after the baby is born!
Post # 12
Limited audience?!? How about no audience! Oooh that would have set me off girl. Nobody has the right to be in the delivery room, only those that you choose! Stick to your guns and do not feel any type of guilt whatsoever. Congrats on your pregnancy!
Post # 13
I’m about to hit 5 months pregnant and I get ya! Not so much about delivery, thankfully everyone respects that it’ll only be husband and I there but just today I was telling my mom that we’ll likely only bring our baby out after about 6 weeks old. We’re having our child in winter and live in the windiest and wettest city in New Zealand. My midwife advised us to only go out after 6 weeks. My mom said its over the top and ludicrous. I’ve told her straight up that I’m not taking a newborn out in the thick of winter and they can come to us if they want to visit initially. I’m not asking much and I’ll stick to my guns come hell or high water. You just have to. X
Post # 14
I feel like the older generation like to claim that they have better manners than us younger people etc but I find time and time again that they are more pushy, intolerant and unintelligent than us a lot of the time. From old wives tales to traditions that everyone hates. Arg enough already!!!