Pregnancy guilt

posted 2 weeks ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

My midwife told me that taking prenatals for months and months before TTC is a marketing racket, unless you’re severely nutrient deprived. Most people get the vitamins they need from food. Folate, the most important part of prenatals, is water soluble. This means that your body pees out what you don’t use. As long as you were taking it when your little bean was actually conceived, you’re good. 

I have not read it yet, but it sounds like you would benefit from reading Expecting Better by Emily Oster. She dives into all the research for pregnancy don’ts, and apparently a lot of it is overblown hype. 

Congratulations!

Post # 3
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Yeah, pre-natals apart from folate and iron are total BS. ‘Expensive wee’ is how my OB described them. I think you’re going to have to get over the guilt because you’re going to do a lot more that isn’t in ideal gestational conditions over the next eight or so months. Aside from living in a bubble you’re going to have to go out into the world and get on with things. Don’t worry about the food situation, just try your best and try not to stress too much! Hopefully the nausea will go away fairly soon. Best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
1557 posts
Bumble bee

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, OP. I’m nearly 27 weeks now and my advice to you is to try to squash this feeling now before it gets worse. As your pregnancy progresses, women will come out of the woodwork with “well meaning” advice that will just make you feel like shit. Being able to let it roll off your back will really help. 

I thought that pregnancy would elevate my anxiety but it actually did the opposite. My perspective: I got pregnant at age 36, after 8 months of trying, during a pandemic. In the words of Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park – “Life, uh….finds a way” 😂

Congrats, you are doing everything right and you will be an amazing mom!!

Post # 6
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

View original reply
@amongclouds:  it might make you feel better to chat with your care provider about this anxiety, just make sure they’re looped in and hopefully to get tips to prevent it from getting worse. I’ve struggled with anxiety for a solid 12 years now, and worrying over things I know that I shouldn’t is always the number one sign that I need to address it. If you were taking prenatals when you conceived, you’re as good as you can possibly be. As for not eating great and not exercising much, remember that the overwhelming majority of pregnant people do the same. I am a runner, follow a lot of runners on Instagram, and almost all of them screech to a halt their first tri and subsist on toast and ginger ale. Every single one of them manages to get back at it beginning the second trimester. One of them had her baby a few weeks back, and ran 5 miles before she was induced. 

I haven’t been pregnant (TTC our first right now), but the one overwhelming thing I hear from friends is that you just do what you have to in order to feel marginally less crappy. Evolution has primed those suckers to take everything they need from you, so do your best and feel good about it.

Post # 7
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Don’t beat yourself up, the first trimester is so hard to deal with the fatigue, nausea/vomiting, etc, just do what you can to get through it. Take your prenatals now and you’ll be fine. In my pregnancy I didn’t have any energy or appetite until the second trimester. 

Post # 8
Member
4111 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
@amongclouds:  You’re being too hard on yourself, Bee. 

I took prenatals all last year while TTC, but after back to back miscarriages and thinking we weren’t going to try this year due to Covid, I wasn’t taking them for about six months before I got pregnant. I started taking them the day after I got my positive test – it’s fine. 

I have been so sick this entire pregnancy. The only thing I can keep down are bland carbs. Just recently, I’ve been able to tolerate my normal fluid intake without barfing. I can handle fruit and a few veggies. I was also feeling a bit guilty that I was depriving the baby of something, but my doctor assured me that she would be fine. As long as I am eating and drinking, baby will be fine. 

Exercise? LOL. I was working out before I got pregnant, but uniltaterally stopped as soon as I got pregnant. My weight is fine (have gained five pounds so far at 25 weeks) and I have been able to start going on walks once a week. Otherwise, I’m exhausted and where I live it’s still hot as frick. I am not risking a gym during a pandemic and I am not going to risk heat exhaustion going for a walk/run outdoors. 

I also have taken steamy showers. Whoops. Baby is still fine!

My suggestion is to be so, so kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can. I had so much guilt early on in my pregnancy when I was trapped in bed with all day nausea and my house was a mess, my husband was having to double up on all chores and cooking after a 12 hour work day, etc. I worried I was hurting this baby I had wanted and prayed for. I ignored what society/the internet said I “should” be doing and instead focused on what I felt good doing. That’s all you can do!

I was open and honest with my doctor about my feelings and she assured me it will all be okay. At the end of the day, she told me to do my best and be kind to myself. Do you have mom friends that you TRUST to not give you snarky, well-meaning but annoying advice? I am so lucky to have really great friends who assured me and supported me when I was feeling down. 

With any luck, by the second trimester, you’ll start feeling like yourself again! 

Post # 9
Member
3369 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Please don’t be so hard on yourself, you are doing the best you can! Pregnancy is HARD and I have found doing everything that is recommended to be personally impossible. I had nausea well into the late 2nd trimester so just eating what I could was all I could manage (ie. barely any veggies for months). It sounds like you have a very healthy diet and as PPs said not taking a prenatal well in advance is not the end of the world in your case. I used to do yoga/pilates daily and stopped completely when I got pregnant due to a number of different symptoms which made it miserable (and scary.. spotting). If I walk around the block I now consider that a good day (now 31 weeks). And hot showers before you even got your BFP are a non issue.

Honestly I know this is easier said than done but you need to start practising self compassion and radical acceptance now because you don’t want to set up your entire pregnancy to be full of guilt and self doubt, let alone the rest of your life as a a parent! At first I definitely felt guilty as well, but at this point I’m like fuck it I just need to survive this however I can 😂 9 weeks to go. 

Post # 10
Member
1786 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

View original reply
@amongclouds:  is this your first pregnancy?

I remember being overwhelmed with a lot of things. Especially cravings and whatnot. 

its ok; our body and worries are ok. 

Post # 11
Member
2279 posts
Buzzing bee

If it makes you feel better … I’m 6+5 and my diet consists of whatever fast food delivery sounds the most appealing at the time. Yesterday I had chicken tenders and fries from shake shack and now I’m having chipotle. I’m living like a debauched queen having all this junk delivered to my doorstep. I don’t normally eat like this but I have awful all day nausea and for some reason fast food is all I want. With nausea this bad, my thinking is any calories that I can keep down are a win, I’m not to fussed about what they are. It’s survival mode in the first tri. 

I also haven’t exercised in ages. The best I can manage is a 15 min walk around the neighborhood and even that doesn’t always happen. I’m not exaggerating that I spend hours a day in my bed or horizontal on the couch. It is what it is right now. 

anyway… solidarity. Hopefully you’ll start feeling better in a few weeks. I turned a corner around 12-13w with my first and felt more or less normal by 18w, had a pretty easy and active pregnancy after that! Hoping for the same this time. 

Post # 13
Member
3369 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Thank you! For what it’s worth I don’t think the guilt will ever 100% go away.. for example I am currently feeling guilty about taking Tylenol to help me sleep after not being able to cope with any more pain today. I think mom guilt is inevitable but you don’t want it to consume you! 

View original reply
@among clouds:  

Post # 14
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

Oh, mama! You need to stop being so hard on yourself — just wait to feel the mom guilt once you have your baby 🙂

Seriously though, if you aren’t smoking, taking drugs, or drinking booze your baby will be fine. I had such awful “morning” sickness (24 hour/day throwing up well into month 5) with both my successful pregnancies, my 3 kids basically grew on diet coke and french fries. My toddler daughter has the verbal skills of a 6 year old and my 9 month old twins are the height and weight of 2 year olds. 

It will all be good…just give yourself a huge break! 

Post # 15
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

It sounds like you are doing what you can to take care of yourself. Obviously if you are nauseous you just eat what you can. If your back was injured, you can’t exercise! It’s ok. As long as you are doing to major things–no alcohol or drugs (including cigarettes!) and avoiding certain medications–there is no reason to worry. Overall it is all about balance. 

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