Post # 1
If you want to read how crazy my Mamaw & Aunt are, you can catch up here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/pregnancy-vent-family-members-are-driving-me-insane/
Once again, this probably wouldn’t annoy me so much if I wasn’t 30 weeks pregnant. I just need a place to vent!
Most of the time, whenever I have a doctor’s appt, my Mamaw will call me multuple times during it and immediately after until I answer. It drives me insane! Well Thursday after we got the news I have to go on bedrest (stupid short cervix!), she called when I got home and I answered. Admittedly I was upset because I’m pretty nervous of going into preterm labor at only 30 weeks and we just got bad news from the doctor. I don’t even remember what all was said, but I remember being super annoyed because I didn’t feel like talking about the possibility of having my baby 10 weeks early.
Well today my mom told me she went to visit Mamaw, my Uncle (my Mamaw lives with him and his daughter since my Papaw passed away last year) asked my mom why I’m being so “short” with my Mamaw & why I’ll call and talk to my Aunt but not her and that it’s really upsetting my Mamaw. My mom was confused and said she didn’t realize I was calling my Aunt (I’m not…NO idea where she got that) and I’m probably just moody from being pregnant. My Mamaw said “She’s been moody since she found out she was pregnant!” And said everytime she talks to me on the phone I give her the vibe that she’s bothering me.
It blows my mind because everyone else has been so nice. My cousin’s wife baked us a lasagna and is going to make us a meal once a week while I’m on bedrest. My other Grandma baked me a batch of cookies to help cheer me up. My mom has been coming over and cooking me lunch and cleaning the house while Darling Husband is at work. It seems like everyone else understands what we are going through, except my Mamaw. It’s like she expects me to be super cheery and chatty when she calls me, but honestly I am just really sad and I don’t want to talk about it because it just upsets me. But when she calls, that’s ALL she talks about. “How is the baby? Are you having any contractions? Is he moving a lot? Are you leaking any fluids? Any blood? You better go to the hospital if you are feeling any pain!” Etc etc etc. I know she means well, but bringing things up constantly really annoys me.
It also upsets me because I’m going through something that is pretty scary and she’s just worried about how SHE is feeling. She told my mom she’s upset I haven’t came over to visit them in a while….well, I’ve been on modified bedrest for 2 weeks and strict bedrest since last week. How am I supposed to visit? And then the whole “why can she call Aunt and not me” she was upset that my Aunt has seen an ultrasound picture and a picture of my bump. Well my Aunt saw it on Facebook…just like everyone else on my friends list. Good lord.
And on top of this, my crazy ass Aunt has convinced my Mamaw that I am farther along than I am. My Aunt messaged me on Facebook and said “I have a sneaky suspision you are farther along than your doctor says you are. I had my period for 3 months when I was pregnant with your cousin. Plus by the looks of your 3D ultrasound, he looks much bigger than 30 weeks.” Then not even 5 minutes later I get a call from my Mamaw and one of the first things she said was “I bet you are farther along and are really due in November. You know your Aunt had her period for 3 months and was pregnant the whole time.” Oh my god. So annoying.
I know this all sounds so petty and ridiculous, but they are just driving me crazy and I needed to vent.
Post # 2
BakerBee16: Ugh, I feel for you. Not sure if there is anything you can do about people like that, just stay consistent and rise above it.
I have a lovely well-meaning Mother-In-Law, but she has to know everything, is a nurse with a lot of old fashioned medical beliefs, raised her kids in an African country (more outdated methods of child rearing I believe) and loves to gossip/pass judgement on people. I’ve only just started TTC, but I’m already dreading the endless questioning and advice I don’t agree with…
Post # 3
You reeeeally need to start setting boundaries here because it will only get worse when the baby comes. (10 weeks from now! ☺️) stop telling them when your appointments are and involving them in everything. It sounds like your family is all up in each other’s business but this is your body and your baby, you’re gonna have to put the mama bear pants on and politely tell them to back off and you don’t want to talk about it because it’s upsetting! So sorry you’re dealing with all this!!
Post # 4
I think a lot of this can be avoided by sharing less info with them (they don’t need to know when your appts are if they’re going to annoy you asking about them) and by being upfront with them – I’m being short because I’m tired and scared and I don’t want to talk about this right now. We can ether hang up the phone or talk about something else.
Post # 5
My mom is the one who has been telling my Mamaw when I have appts and I’ve asked her to stop. My mom comes with me to my appts half the time because Darling Husband can’t take off for all of them. My family is just super annoying.
Post # 6
Why do I have a feeling this is going to be my family when I am knocked up???
Suggestion, I would just tell your Mamaw this – Look, I love you and I care for you. Right now is just a really bad time emotionally for me. I am scared and worried and literally all of my thoughts, concerns right now are with the well being of our child. I really can’t handle any back and forth of who called who, who didn’t call etc…
Post # 7
BakerBee16: They are WAY too into your business. I would suggest stop discussing these things with them at all. Ditto the PP.
Post # 8
BakerBee16: I think you’ll have to master the polite, firm, matter-of-fact broken record response.If they keep asking, just keep saying the same thing. Dont elaborate, just repeat the same thing.
“I’m sorry I haven’t come to visit- I sure would love to. But you know I’m on bedrest so it’s just impossible right now.”
“We’ve been over this. I am 30 weeks along. This has been confirmed multiple times by my doctor and ultrasound tech. So, how are you today?”
“I’m doing fine today. Nothing new to report. So, I watched this great show on Netflix last night…”
I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this. Although I’ll admit do like reading about how ridiculous they are! 😉 Best of luck to you, I hope you make it many more weeks before your baby arrives!
Post # 9
BakerBee16: if your mom is the one spilling the beans then you need to have a serious talk with her about how all of this is making you feel, and adding stress to your life that you DONT NEED right now!!! Tell her if she doesnt stop sharing info that is none of their business… then your best friend (whoever) will be going to your appts with you from now on (obviously an empty threat…unless you do have someone who could go 😉 ) but basically just give her a little scare that shes gonna be cut off and maybe she will smarten up!!
The last thing you need right now is to have ppl giving you crap for stupid reasons like peoples feelings because you werent shirley freakin temple on the phone! I actually went through this myself with Darling Husband family when Dear Daughter was born because one day (after being warned) they just showed up with no notice and (I wasnt home with the baby, I was out an hour away for a walk…Darling Husband was in his underwear everything in the laundry) and loooong story short it was an awkward annoying night, then shortly after Darling Husband and his dad ended up having a fight about it because his dad said he “didnt feel welcomed” in our home…like wtf??? we have a freaking newborn, both pretty much zombies…… you show up unannounced for dinner no doubt….. and you expect us to what… roll out the flipping red carpet and kiss your feet or something?? like get over yourself, I have way more impt things to worry about!
Post # 10
Oh boy…What you are going through with your aunt/mamaw would drive me insane…I would probably go crazy. There is one thing I would do…stop answering the phone when they call. I hate having other people handle my problems for me, but in your case, it might be best to have your mom run interferance for you. Explain to them that you are stressed and the baby’s and your health are priority #1, and that their questions, while they mean well, stress you out. Good luck and congrats 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Time for some tough love. If your Mom can’t stop telling your Mamaw when the appointments are, she doesn’t need to go. My husband came to two- the first one and the 20 week scan and that was fine (and I had a high-risk pregnancy, so I had more than most.) You don’t have to pick up the phone when they call. Equine_Breeder nailed it- you need to set boundaries ASAP, otherwise it could be worse after the baby’s here. Tell her- “Stop with the questions, you’re upsetting me.” I know she’s “crazy” (I remember your prior post), but sounds like you need to bring out the Mama Bear a little early. Grrrr!
Post # 12
I definitely agree with you all about bringing out Mama Bear already.
It’s funny because right after I made this post, my mom called me and said my Mamaw was going to buy me lunch and they were going to bring it over. It made me feel bad that I just bitched about her not being supportive while I’m on bedrest then she offers to do something nice. Well when they got here it was going pretty good except she kept getting teary eyed everytime she would look at me (God this drives me nuts)!
Then the subject of weight gain came up and I said I’ve only gained weight in my bump and boobs. She said its from all the milk coming in. I told her the milk doesn’t come in until after birth. Then she asked if I was breastfeeding and I said yes I plan on it. Then she turned up her nose and said really bitchy “Well that’s a mistake!” Lmao! What?! She said she used Similac on all three of her children and never had any issues. I never thought I’d be shamed for wanting to breastfeed!