(Closed) Pregnancy vent Part 2: Family members are driving me insane

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

BakerBee16:  Ugh, I feel for you.  Not sure if there is anything you can do about people like that, just stay consistent and rise above it.  

I have a lovely well-meaning Mother-In-Law, but she has to know everything, is a nurse with a lot of old fashioned medical beliefs, raised her kids in an African country (more outdated methods of child rearing I believe) and loves to gossip/pass judgement on people.  I’ve only just started TTC, but I’m already dreading the endless questioning and advice I don’t agree with… 

Post # 3
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You reeeeally need to start setting boundaries here because it will only get worse when the baby comes. (10 weeks from now! ☺️) stop telling them when your appointments are and involving them in everything. It sounds like your family is all up in each other’s business but this is your body and your baby, you’re gonna have to put the mama bear pants on and politely tell them to back off and you don’t want to talk about it because it’s upsetting! So sorry you’re dealing with all this!!

Post # 4
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think a lot of this can be avoided by sharing less info with them (they don’t need to know when your appts are if they’re going to annoy you asking about them) and by being upfront with them – I’m being short because I’m tired and scared and I don’t want to talk about this right now. We can ether hang up the phone or talk about something else. 

Post # 6
Member
698 posts
Busy bee

Why do I have a feeling this is going to be my family when I am knocked up??? 

Suggestion, I would just tell your Mamaw this – Look, I love you and I care for you. Right now is just a really bad time emotionally for me. I am scared and worried and literally all of my thoughts, concerns right now are with the well being of our child. I really can’t handle any back and forth of who called who, who didn’t call etc… 

Post # 7
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

BakerBee16:  They are WAY too into your business. I would suggest stop discussing these things with them at all. Ditto the PP.

Post # 8
Member
3008 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

BakerBee16:  I think you’ll have to master the polite, firm, matter-of-fact broken record response.If they keep asking, just keep saying the same thing. Dont elaborate, just repeat the same thing.

“I’m sorry I haven’t come to visit- I sure would love to. But you know I’m on bedrest so it’s just impossible right now.”

“We’ve been over this. I am 30 weeks along. This has been confirmed multiple times by my doctor and ultrasound tech. So, how are you today?”

“I’m doing fine today. Nothing new to report. So, I watched this great show on Netflix last night…”

I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this. Although I’ll admit do like reading about how ridiculous they are! 😉 Best of luck to you, I hope you make it many more weeks before your baby arrives!

Post # 9
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

BakerBee16:  if your mom is the one spilling the beans then you need to have a serious talk with her about how all of this is making you feel, and adding stress to your life that you DONT NEED right now!!! Tell her if she doesnt stop sharing info that is none of their business… then your best friend (whoever) will be going to your appts with you from now on (obviously an empty threat…unless you do have someone who could go 😉 ) but basically just give her a little scare that shes gonna be cut off and maybe she will smarten up!!

The last thing you need right now is to have ppl giving you crap for stupid reasons like peoples feelings because you werent shirley freakin temple on the phone! I actually went through this myself with Darling Husband family when Dear Daughter was born because one day (after being warned) they just showed up with no notice and (I wasnt home with the baby, I was out an hour away for a walk…Darling Husband was in his underwear everything in the laundry) and loooong story short it was an awkward annoying night, then shortly after Darling Husband and his dad ended up having a fight about it because his dad said he “didnt feel welcomed” in our home…like wtf??? we have a freaking newborn, both pretty much zombies…… you show up unannounced for dinner no doubt….. and you expect us to what… roll out the flipping red carpet and kiss your feet or something?? like get over yourself, I have way more impt things to worry about! 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  shanbp.
Post # 10
Member
2563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Oh boy…What you are going through with your aunt/mamaw would drive me insane…I would probably go crazy.  There is one thing I would do…stop answering the phone when they call.  I hate having other people handle my problems for me, but in your case, it might be best to have your mom run interferance for you.  Explain to them that you are stressed and the baby’s and your health are priority #1, and that their questions, while they mean well, stress you out. Good luck and congrats 🙂

Post # 11
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Time for some tough love. If your Mom can’t stop telling your Mamaw when the appointments are, she doesn’t need to go. My husband came to two- the first one and the 20 week scan and that was fine (and I had a high-risk pregnancy, so I had more than most.) You don’t have to pick up the phone when they call. Equine_Breeder nailed it- you need to set boundaries ASAP, otherwise it could be worse after the baby’s here. Tell her- “Stop with the questions, you’re upsetting me.” I know she’s “crazy” (I remember your prior post), but sounds like you need to bring out the Mama Bear a little early. Grrrr!

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