- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club
My Fiance and I have discussed wanting a family since we started dating. We have been engaged since Dec 5, 2013, and our wedding will take place in June 2015 (He is finishing his teaching credentials, I am completing my social work hours). Any ways, that’s not important lol.
So, in April 2014, I had to go to the doctor because I was suffering a month’s worth of bleeding and pain. I had gone to the doctor who wanted me to “monitor” this. Eventually, I couldnt take it and went for a check up, ultrasound, whatnot. So this is where my Womanly Ego got FLOORED! I was told that my eggs were not maturing and would be releasing constantly, resulting in the bleeding. On top of that, 2 small cysts in my ovary. Doctor shared due to the eggs not maturing, i would have a difficult time conceiving.
I guess I am writing this because, after posting on someone else’ blog just moments ago about the fear of not bearing a child and analyzing it, just now took a hit.
I have tried talking to my Mom, Sisters, and coworkers about this, and i get the same thing: happens for a reason, there’s other means, whatnot.
My Fiance is so supportive and SOOOO loving, and he really is the kind who thinks outside the box. He is determined to help me get pregnant, however and whatever it takes. And you know what, I expect that from him, and I love him for it.
One thing I have been telling people, and my Fiance has been, i really don’t care about it right now. I feel like if i have expectations of getting pregnant, then turns out I cannot fully get pregnant, a massive depression will hit. I think that if i just go into the mind set that i just cannot get pregnant, and i do get pregnant, it will be a blessing. My Fiance and a lot of my supporters do not approve of this mindset i have, but i feel this keeps me going. (NOTE: I suffer of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression). So this is one of the reasons I try to create a balance and own realistic expectations so I will not get emotionally drained.
Am i right or wrong for thinking this? I feel comflicted. It has been a month, and i still do not know how to think or feel about this. I just would like to hear what the Bees have to say.