(Closed) Pregnant, 5 years together…sad…give up waiting?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

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chrissybr :  If he wanted to marry you, he already would have.  Grown men aren’t confused after 5 years.  You’ve been willing to trust him with your money for a house you have no financial rights to, a business, and a child.  He has no incentive to get married and you’re incredibly vulnerable. I’m sorry bee, but I would advise deciding if marriage is important to you and if so setting a walk date. 

Post # 3
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Uh, you know what else is a big financial decision, contributing to a down payment and a mortgage for a property your name isn’t even on, with a man who won’t marry you. Bee! I would probably take the nuclear option at this point and tell him you’re not comfortable contributing financially to his investment anymore without some protection, since he’s not willing to offer you the protection of marriage.

ETA: sorry to pry, but I’ wondering, was the pregnancy intentional or an oops? Because if it was intentional, holy hell, talk about a big financial decision! A child costs a hell of a lot more than getting married. Big financial decision my ass!

Post # 4
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

For whatever reason this man does not want to marry you. Not sure why you invested in the purchase of a house without having your name attached but thats a separate issue. You have a home, a business, have been together for years and have a child on the way. There is zero excuse and I really call bs on anyone stating finances are a reason when a child is involved since children are incredibly expensive. Marriage is not happening, if its important to you then this man is likely not the one.

Post # 5
Member
10405 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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chrissybr :  

If you really want him OP , and I guess you must , buy a wedding band, book the courthouse for very soon and get a lawyers advice about  getting your name on the  house deeds. If he objects to ANY of that , well…….

I’m so sorry you are sad at a time when you should be so happy . Congratulations   on the coming baby  anyway and tell  him, briskly,   brooking no  arguments,   that this is what is happening,  for his daughter, if nothing else .

Post # 6
Member
7816 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

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tiffanybruiser :  I agree 100%. 

And although it’s water under the bridge at this point, there’s no way in h*ll that I would have planned a pregnancy with someone who wouldn’t marry me…

Post # 7
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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chrissybr :  It is terrible when men buy homes, have a child(ren) with their girlfriends when they are not ready for a wife… It is even more terrible when women play the role of a wife without the legal/financial protection. Especially when they want a marriage. 

Do not continue to put your all and all into him! Figure out what is best for you and your daughter and set a plan in motion. 

 

Post # 8
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

You’ve been together for 5 years (you’re clearly committed), you’ve bought a house, started a business together, you’re about to have his child…he’s clearly getting everything he wants without marriage. It seems like he just views it as an expensive party and some government papers, rather than an act of commitment and love. While buying a house and having a child are also huge financial decisions, perhaps he sees them as “more worth” the money. 

If he actually wants to get married but is just intimidated by the cost, perhaps you can come to a compromise. Plan a small wedding (or even elopement). If he still refuses, there may be some deeper issues that he’s not admitting to.  

Post # 9
Member
8602 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

It’s time to go to the courthouse. Period. Tell him you are over waiting. And why the hell is your name not on that deed if you helped with the downpyment and contribute to the mortgage?! He sounds like a user. He gets it all his way, doesn’t want to make a “big financial commitment” just wants to take your money! Ugh. 

Post # 10
Member
6344 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Why why why is your name not on the house?!?!?!

Post # 11
Member
2017 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

The other pp’s are right.  There is no incentive for him to marry you at this point.  Its up to you whether or not you’re okay without marriage with this man.

Post # 12
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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southernbride16 :  I agree – it is best for OP to decide what is best for her and her child.

That being said, it is not just “the man” who has bought a house and is having a child without getting married. She has been an equal in allowing this to happen.

Post # 13
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

He says marriage is a big financial decision, but it seems you’ve already made a lot of financial decisions, including the house, business, etc. Now you’re having a baby together. You have so many commitments together and yet lack the one big commitment together. I don’t quite know what to say. You could end it now and stand your ground, but I can see you losing out on a lot financially and otherwise with that move. I hope it all turns out ok. 

Post # 14
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

 

My heart hurts for you.  Maybe he sees the gain of buying a home and investing in a business, and wants to raise a family with you but does not want to buy an expensive ring or throw a wasteful “party”?  Would you be ok with a courthouse wedding or something simple and feel fulfilled just knowing that he was willing to marry you?  Maybe you could discuss that?

Can you explain about the property deed? That would worry me. Does it worry you or give you any reason to feel like he is keeping himself partially unteathered from you?

Post # 15
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

I’m not that worried about the marriage. I’m more worried about the house. Why isn’t your name on the house if you are paying half? Do you atleaat have a written contract that he is in charge of all the house relates expenses and he is payimg back your half of the down payment?

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