Post # 1
My SO and I starting talking about marriage around the 1st year of our realtionship (mind you, I was pretty young)…I remember he once told me that he figured he would do it at 3 years in. 3 years passes. 4 years passes. 5th anniversary passes. Here we are today. I am 25, he is turning 30. We’ve bought a house, lived together for 2 years, I am now halfway through my pregnancy with our baby girl (we are both very excited), we’ve even started a company together. I give my all to our relationship…so the waiting game hurts me.
Since I’ve been pregnant, all I get is people asking me “When are you guys going to get married??”…and it’s extremely frustrating and hurtful. He said people ask him too, and he is tired of it. We’ve spoken about it, and he saysss that he wants to get married. However, he doesn’t see the rush, said its a big financial decision, etc, etc.
I told him that buying a home (my name isn’t on the house but I contributed to the down and pay an equal portion of the mortgage), having a baby, and starting business with someone is a big decision (and it takes a lot of faith and love).
Mind you, I love this man and want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have an amazing relationship. He is my best friend.
But I am so tired of waiting. It’s causing some resentment. I’ve tried everything (hints, shutting up completely, serious conversations)… I feel like I’m not really excited about a proposal anymore, I’m kind of sad more than anything.
Post # 2
If he wanted to marry you, he already would have. Grown men aren’t confused after 5 years. You’ve been willing to trust him with your money for a house you have no financial rights to, a business, and a child. He has no incentive to get married and you’re incredibly vulnerable. I’m sorry bee, but I would advise deciding if marriage is important to you and if so setting a walk date.
Post # 3
Uh, you know what else is a big financial decision, contributing to a down payment and a mortgage for a property your name isn’t even on, with a man who won’t marry you. Bee! I would probably take the nuclear option at this point and tell him you’re not comfortable contributing financially to his investment anymore without some protection, since he’s not willing to offer you the protection of marriage.
ETA: sorry to pry, but I’ wondering, was the pregnancy intentional or an oops? Because if it was intentional, holy hell, talk about a big financial decision! A child costs a hell of a lot more than getting married. Big financial decision my ass!
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
For whatever reason this man does not want to marry you. Not sure why you invested in the purchase of a house without having your name attached but thats a separate issue. You have a home, a business, have been together for years and have a child on the way. There is zero excuse and I really call bs on anyone stating finances are a reason when a child is involved since children are incredibly expensive. Marriage is not happening, if its important to you then this man is likely not the one.
Post # 5
If you really want him OP , and I guess you must , buy a wedding band, book the courthouse for very soon and get a lawyers advice about getting your name on the house deeds. If he objects to ANY of that , well…….
I’m so sorry you are sad at a time when you should be so happy . Congratulations on the coming baby anyway and tell him, briskly, brooking no arguments, that this is what is happening, for his daughter, if nothing else .
Post # 6
I agree 100%.
And although it’s water under the bridge at this point, there’s no way in h*ll that I would have planned a pregnancy with someone who wouldn’t marry me…
Post # 7
It is terrible when men buy homes, have a child(ren) with their girlfriends when they are not ready for a wife… It is even more terrible when women play the role of a wife without the legal/financial protection. Especially when they want a marriage.
Do not continue to put your all and all into him! Figure out what is best for you and your daughter and set a plan in motion.
Post # 8
You’ve been together for 5 years (you’re clearly committed), you’ve bought a house, started a business together, you’re about to have his child…he’s clearly getting everything he wants without marriage. It seems like he just views it as an expensive party and some government papers, rather than an act of commitment and love. While buying a house and having a child are also huge financial decisions, perhaps he sees them as “more worth” the money.
If he actually wants to get married but is just intimidated by the cost, perhaps you can come to a compromise. Plan a small wedding (or even elopement). If he still refuses, there may be some deeper issues that he’s not admitting to.
Post # 9
It’s time to go to the courthouse. Period. Tell him you are over waiting. And why the hell is your name not on that deed if you helped with the downpyment and contribute to the mortgage?! He sounds like a user. He gets it all his way, doesn’t want to make a “big financial commitment” just wants to take your money! Ugh.
Post # 10
Why why why is your name not on the house?!?!?!
Post # 11
The other pp’s are right. There is no incentive for him to marry you at this point. Its up to you whether or not you’re okay without marriage with this man.
Post # 12
I agree – it is best for OP to decide what is best for her and her child.
That being said, it is not just “the man” who has bought a house and is having a child without getting married. She has been an equal in allowing this to happen.
Post # 13
He says marriage is a big financial decision, but it seems you’ve already made a lot of financial decisions, including the house, business, etc. Now you’re having a baby together. You have so many commitments together and yet lack the one big commitment together. I don’t quite know what to say. You could end it now and stand your ground, but I can see you losing out on a lot financially and otherwise with that move. I hope it all turns out ok.
Post # 14
My heart hurts for you. Maybe he sees the gain of buying a home and investing in a business, and wants to raise a family with you but does not want to buy an expensive ring or throw a wasteful “party”? Would you be ok with a courthouse wedding or something simple and feel fulfilled just knowing that he was willing to marry you? Maybe you could discuss that?
Can you explain about the property deed? That would worry me. Does it worry you or give you any reason to feel like he is keeping himself partially unteathered from you?
Post # 15
I’m not that worried about the marriage. I’m more worried about the house. Why isn’t your name on the house if you are paying half? Do you atleaat have a written contract that he is in charge of all the house relates expenses and he is payimg back your half of the down payment?