(Closed) Pregnant, 5 years together…sad…give up waiting?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
1970 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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tiffanybruiser :  that part. It costs me 85 to get legally married. It costs THOUSANDS of dollars to have a kid. Stop allowing the mindset of today confuse MARRIAGE with big UNAFFORDABLE weddings! Please explain how $85 is a big financial decision and a child  (lifelong) is not? 

Post # 62
Member
1970 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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daisy123 :  you just said neither one of you had “no intention” of getting married. That is what separates your situation from OP and thus why she has received the advice she has, as she DOES want to ne married. 

Post # 63
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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Cheekie0077 :  thanks girl! Good to see you around these parts:-) 

Post # 64
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

 What

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danakxox :  said.

Post # 65
Member
10138 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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daisy123 :  

Ohhhhhh, if only division of property were that simple.  Divorce lawyers would be much less wealthy.

It’s actually can be extremely complex.  It’s rarely as simple as split everything down the middle.  OP runs a risk of having the court regard her down payment money as a gift.  She absolutely must get with a competent attorney.

Post # 66
Member
10138 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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dgirl715 :  

Have him do a trust, with the will incorporated into it.  And he needs to invest in good life insurance.

Get a lawyer, OP.

Post # 67
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Please at least take steps towards protecting your part of the assets for the sake of your child.  

Right now I can easily see the following scenario happening: You split up. He finds someone else.  Now you and your child are out on the streets because he can just say the money you contributed to the house was a gift.  It’s up to YOU to prove otherwise and you can’t.  

Oh but wait there’s more. You might think, this is his child too. So if he dies, the child will at least inherit something.  Think again–If his new woman makes him marry her, or at least set up joint tenancy w/ right of survivorship, then he dies–NOW THE HOUSE IS 100% HERS. Once she dies, HER children inherits the whole house, NOT yours.  If he dies before her with joint tenant w/ right of survivorship, the house will pass to the state coffers before it passes to your child (I.e. NEVER).  Because that is how joint tenancy w/ right of survivorship works.  

It is not “what it is.” Protect your child for pete’s sake. 

Post # 68
Member
10413 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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kittytwo :  

 Why buy the milk if you can get the cow for free? 

  The original   reverses  cow and milk I think , but in any case can we PLEASE stop using this sexist, antiquated and vulgar saying or any variation on  it !!!

Post # 69
Member
10413 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

 

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daisy123 :  

You seem to have missed the point here . You and your SO were at one in not caring about / wanting marriage  . OP’s situation is entirely different. 

Post # 70
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

I feel so bad for OP….!!!!!

Men are the worst..(often times)

I wish I could marry every single waiting bee on weddingbee, so they could never be “waiting” and have that awful half heart broken feeling Like I do…(for now…)

….but thats not how it works lol

Post # 71
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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camenae :  THIS!

The person you break up with is rarely the person you were in love with. The selfish, nasty, mean, and crazy come out when it comes to cash at the end.  Good luck with that.

Example:  He cheats on you or continues to drag his feet on marriage. You want to leave. He doesn’t want you to leave. Do you think he’ll cash out half his house to send you on your merry way?  Um, no.  You don’t have a house together. HE has a house. 

 

Post # 72
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh good lord. Somehow I missed this when it was first posted two weeks ago. 

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chrissybr, have you done anything to remedy your financial situation? This whole marriage thing is a total non-issue compared with the fact that you’re paying your boyfriend’s rent with absolutely no claim on the home. Do you understand that if something happened to him, you and your child would be homeless? Please tell me you’ve done something about this in the last two weeks… 

ETA: Just throwing it out there that I don’t judge you at all for living with this guy before marriage. I not only lived with, but bought a house with my now-husband when we were still dating. The difference is that we had a lot of binding legal documents which outlined the ownership of our property, and the deed was in both of our names. Right now you’re at HUGE risk of losing everything. 

 

Post # 73
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

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chrissybr :  “…it is what it is”. No no no. Treat yourself as an equal partner. A woman shouldn’t stay silent and go along with the man’s “rules” just to keep him in her life, or to keep the peace, or out of fear she’ll lose her boyfriend if she doesn’t. There has to be a respect.

As all human beings in a relationship, you are responsible for getting what you get. And if you get nothing, then you were responsible for that too.

Absolutely make sure your name is on this house. How could he have even suggested you not be, and what was the motive there? Did he make it like he was buying his house and you could move in—not that you both were buying a house together? Since you said you knew exactly what you were going into, then he must have given you some reason for his name only and doing it this way, and it was one that would be benefitting him, not you.

And please don’t wait for the birth of this child to “resolve” this and the marriage issue. You’ll only be further down the road, and with more and more time passing, there often is less and less urgency when things are just as is. (e.g. to make you his wife). Unless he all of a sudden gets some guilt pang about needing to marry the mother of his child, which hasn’t happened yet since you’re already 5 months along. What I’m saying is to sort this out now, not later. 

Post # 74
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

Please listen to the bees OP and protect your assets.  As a former waiting bee to my now ex-BF I can attest to how difficult it is to split up when you have joint assets.

In my case my ex and I did have a legally binding agreement around what would happen to our home in the event that we split up.  And I STILL ended up in court because he refused to comply with the VERY SAME document that he signed.  We are actually still tied up in court and it’s a full year later and I know for certain that if I didn’t have a legal agreement I would have been screwed.  In my case, I just have to wait until we get in front of a judge to have them enforce the contract – but without one I would have literally nothing.

When you are in love you never think it could happen to you.  Of all my exs faults I never thought we would end up here in court.  My attorney says the only explanation she can come up with is that he is trying to ruin me financially, and punish me for leaving him.  He’s locked me out of the property and hasn’t paid bills in the entire year.  TRUST me when I say that you want to protect yourself and the best time to do it isnwhen you r on friendly terms.

Post # 75
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

When you marry.. since u were never on the deed.. the judge will give him the house.. it was purchased before the marriage.. by him.. he owns it..even tho you paid some bills w proof.. so 30 years from now say u have 2 kids and he has a mid life crisis and leaves.. he gets the house in the divorce 

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