(Closed) Pregnant, 5 years together…sad…give up waiting?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 76
Member
947 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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stayingforthepromise :  well not exactly true, only if they never marry will he get the house 100%. If they marry the equity accrued during their marriage will be divided 50/50 if they divorce, but the equity before the marriage date will be 100% his.  

Post # 77
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

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Supernurse :  yes but most of the time the house value will only go up slightly unless some huge improvement is done like a new room pool etc – say it’s 200,000 and it goes up in value to 220,000 she gets 10,000 to me that’s a joke – and the market is shaky – the house could have lost significant value at time of divorce resulting in her getting nothing from the house 

Post # 79
Member
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Did you get your name on the deed? Are you financially able to leave him and support yourself and your daughter?

Post # 81
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee

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chrissybr :  It’s great that you’re financially stable, but make sure in your heartbreak you’re not cutting off your nose to spite your face. Putting it in a fund for the baby is good – just make sure that you don’t forfiet those proceeds and allow him to keep it all. And make sure to file for child support, even if you don’t think you need it because of your recent raise (congratulations btw!). 

Post # 82
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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chrissybr :    Why don’t you want to split the proceeds from the house?  If you don’t want the money, put it in an account for your baby, donate it to a charity for DV victims or give it away to someone you know.   

I’m sorry the red flags on this guy turned out to be accurate.   I’m also sorry this conversation won’t be pinned to the top of the bee’s boards… 

All you can do is get a lawyer, take care of your child, be kind to yourself and move on with grace.

 

Post # 83
Member
7912 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

YOU collect your share of the house and YOU put the money in an account for your daughter. He could have a new girlfriend next month and change his mind about taking care of your daughter.

I’m sorry, Bee. He did not appreciate what he had. You and your daughter will be better than fine on your own. You do need to think about how you want to handle custody/visitation, meet with a lawyer, arrange for child support, etc. It will be a lot to deal with for a little while and then it will be better. The Bees are here to support you. Hugs. 

Post # 84
Member
225 posts
Helper bee

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rez123 :  me too, that was my first thought. Why name is not on the house if she financially invested into it??!!! 

Post # 85
Member
225 posts
Helper bee

Oh, I ‘ve just got to an update.. Sorry about the whole situation and best of luck to you and your baby girl. 

Post # 86
Member
10129 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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chrissybr :  

Make sure your ex has life insurance with your baby as the beneficiary.

Post # 87
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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kittytwo :  not very nice, but yes lol… ultimately, that’ssss true.

Post # 88
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

Totally agree with beethree. Don’t trust him to put the money in an account for the baby. You do it and do it pronto. I would not trust this man as far as I could throw him. At this point it may be hard but you need to think clinically and dispassionately of you/ your daughter’s future. 

Post # 89
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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chrissybr :  oh nooooooooooooo 🙁 I was really hoping for a happy ending!! Wow. My heart breaks for you </3

I’m happy you got a new job & a raise tho! Congratulations!! Also tho, sorry to be nosey, but are you guys staying together, or is this it??? Like has he checked out, or was he literally just like “nah, i love you but i don’t want to get married.” ??

 

Also, PLEASE get your name on the house & stuff. You need to do this.

Post # 90
Member
7224 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Congratulations on your baby and your new job and raise! It sucks that your guy is more of a heartbreak than one of the blessings of your life right now, but it’s also good that you know so he can get out of your way and you can move on and eventually find someone who wants to be married and in partnership with you.

Also- something that I found was that becoming a mother and knowing my child was completely dependent on me made me REALLY friggin practical- almost brutally so- and, from a practical standpoint, it would be foolish to trust him to set everything up from the house for your daughter rather than making sure it gets done yourself. To be uncomfortably blunt – you’ve been a fool for him for too long. Don’t continue. Trust who he has shown himself to be, take care of your daughter, yourself and your money like you need to do. I’m not saying you need to be in perpetual battle with him but do not turn down what he’s offering, either.

I’m sorry for the sadness and heartbreak you’re feeling right now. I hope you will have more positive updates to come back and share moving forward (and away from him.)

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