Post # 1
Hello dear Bees,
I am 21 weeks pregnant and going through a rough time so I needed a place to vent and also hear some opinions from you all. I had a very difficult pregnancy till week 16, with a lot of vomiting and many hospital visits in order to avoid dehydration and this time affected all my family, my husband my parents and in-laws. However once this time was over me and my husbandstarted fighting, he said some hurting stuff, such as a I wanted to abort my baby boy or that I was facking all the nausea and vomiting. Furthermore, our parents lso took sides in this argument which is still not resolved. Even now, after about one month and a half we are getting further and further estranged and my husband decided to also give me the silent treatment for 10 days now, after no longer admitting the things he said to me.
I am feeling really alone and thinking of divorce. What hurts most is the fact that he won’t even ask about the baby, he did not even ask to see our baby’s first 3d images.
What would you do?
Post # 2
Massive hugs to you. With my first pregnancy I was vomiting, had a permanent headache and was pretty much a zombie until 18 weeks. So I know completely how you felt. I’m now 24 weeks with our second and this pregnancy has been completely different. Yes there’s been nausea and some headaches but nothing like before.
what was your husband like prior to your pregnancy? Is this behaviour completely out of character for him or, being reflective, is it normal?
Definitely not condoning his behaviour but some men can struggle when their partner is pregnant – I guess a bit like antenatal depression for men. I don’t know if it’s worth chatting to someone
Post # 3
Sounds like it has been a tough time physically and emotionally for you and your family.
Unfortunately pregnancy doesnt come easily to some women, me included. While it is not a disease, it appears your husband and family have had strong reactions to how you have endured a few tough weeks. I wonder why this is.
They are not going through the huge changes that you are and should try to remain supportive, neutral as possible and educated about how best to be a family at this time. Has there been things you’ve said and done that maybe brought out these reactions? You could tell them how you feel on good and bad days and ask for their support.
I found the physical aspects of pregnancy far easier to understand and deal with than the mental and emotional rollercoaster it put me on. Unfortunately the pregnancy hormones completely took control over my usual calm, rational brain. I worried about EVERYTHING, I became obssessed with nesting and got very emotional over silly things people said and did. This was my first pregnancy and it took my body for a wild ride. Looking back, I know this was not how I’d normally respond but I have to take responsibility for my behaviour. For my second pregnancy I was very calm and enjoyed all the stages of changes, and more like my normal, non-pregnant self.
However the damage had been done. My husband, up until then, literally saw me as perfect, and because of a small argument I had with his mum over a very inconsequential thing (my fault not hers) a little bit of the shine that he had in his eyes for me left and never returned (it lit up for our kids though lol).
Pregnancy is not something that lasts forever but if you are having a huge emotional and physical reaction and thats affecting everyone around, its repercussions could, if communication isnt tabled as soon as possible. Please try to talk to him, if need be speak to a therapist about how best to handle things with your families. The most importnat thing though, is your physical and mental health. Do whatever it takes to stay centered, whether that is through exercise, meditation, therapy. Explain to them that a healthy you equals a happy baby, and if they all come together at this time it will be one more thing that would bring positivity into the life you are creating.
Post # 4
dryjules : Your husbands reaction has been a very painful reaction to process. I am sorry you are going through this. Your husband may feel helpless to help you and is lashing out inappropriately. Hopefully this is out of character for him and he will come to his senses soon. I have no idea what I would do in your circumstance, but perhaps you should stay with someone you trust, if that is an option.
Post # 5
Just want to send virtual hugs to you! I am so sorry your partner is behaving this way. Pregnancy is hard and scary and you need someone to be fully supportive. It is awful he is accusing you of faking illness instead of supporting you completely. I would recommend becoming very open with him about how scared and alone you feel and how much you need to rely on him at this time. Do you have a trusted church leader or community leader who could talk with both of you through this time of transition? If no, perhaps a counselor? I am really sorry bee, and hope you have some very supportive friends/relatives to lean on and celebrate with you while your husband is going through these issues.
Post # 6
If you would want to move after you separate I would do it now before the baby is born. It gets a lot more complicated afterwards.