(Closed) Pregnant and frustrated with family…LONG sorry.

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know how you feel since we live far from family and have very limited means to travel with my husbands’ PTO my temp position with no vacation.  All I can say is ‘make sure you get your priorities right’.  Although it pained me to see our bank account get so low we’ve taken trips, Darling Husband has flown home because of family issues and the guilt that comes with living far away.   They’re of course not as often as we’d like but sometimes we just bit the bullet and do it.  I’d make sure your family knows you can travel to see them now, or perhaps after the baby comes – I bet they choose after!

Post # 4
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

One of the challenges we have in life is to learn to deal with people who don’t hear or respect our decisions.

Just keep repeating what you ahve already said. Do not get involved with making any other excuses and do not let this woman pressure you into a decision that is finacially unwise for you.

Try the sandwich technique-say something nice, restate your decision, then say something nice again.

“I am so gratful that you want to host a shower for us. I’m sad that we won’t be able to make a trip home before the baby is born. We are  so lucky to have family who cares so much for us and the baby we are expecting.”

You could suggest that if she really want sto host the shower, your mom could stand in for you. Perhaps you could skype into the shower. I have attended a shower like this for a girlfriend and we all had a great time catching up with the bride.

Young couples are often pressured to be the ones who travel. You will experience this pressure after your child is born on occasions like Christmas etc. At sometime you may have to decide that you are staying home and invite family to join you. After all, it is much easier for mature adults to travel than a family with young children and all their gear.

Post # 7
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You will never be able to control what someone else says or does.

The only thing you can control is your own reaction.

If your Mother-In-Law was within 4 hrs of you and didn’t bother to visit or even contact you, why are you letting her guilt trip you so much for not coming home?

Post # 8
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Stand firm, and repeat.  Tell her if she really wants to, save up money and come visit YOU. 

Post # 9
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Miss Lily: tell her if she wants to throw you a shower, she can come to YOU. πŸ˜‰  Bet she changes her tune quickly.

Seriously, that is EXACTLY what I would say.  She either forks over the money for the trip or she comes to you.  ALL is fair when it comes to babies and war πŸ˜‰

good luck!!!!  and sorry you’ve gotta deal with this!

Post # 11
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Have you suggested that SHE come out to visit you?

I think you just need to put this on her.

It’s not fair for her to kinda pressure and bully you into coming when you have said over and over that it is not going to work and given her all the reasons.

I think one good awnser for turning down a trip after the baby is “Life with a new baby is so unexpected. We will be adjusting to all the changes and for that reason, we cannot commit to any plans. We will also not have very much time off work and as everyone knows….money is tight when you start a family. I think it would be easier for everyone if you planned a trip to visit us”

I know she keeps pushing the shower idea, but just tell her that it is not going to happen and she is more than welcome to come out and visit you guys if she would like to.

I’m sorry…I know how annoying family can be

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