- 5 years ago
I am a lurking bee. I’ve never posted before. I have been married for a while now, I have known my husband since I was a teenager. I am scared to death right now and I’d really appreciate some compassion and words of advice. Please read th whole story before posting, and please be kind.
I have a secret that has haunted me for many years and that is that might have been exposed to HSV-1 due to my husband’s history of cold sores through oral sex back when we first became intimate when we were both very young, early 20’s or so, now I am pregnant at 35 and though I’ve never had symtoms since my suspicions began but I am terrified.
I should clarify that my husband and I have NEVER engaged in intimacies while he has a cold sore and matter of fact I’ve only seen him with one a handful of times over the last 12 years or so. I suspected I was exposed back then because I got a painful suspicious rash way back then and I can’t remember but the doctors told me they couldn’t know for sure because it was almost gone but to come back for a blood test. I went back a few months later and tested positive for hsv-1, negative for hsv-2. I have never had a cold sore. The doctor explained there is no way to know if I got it down there or orally…unless I have a fresh cold sore or outbreak that can be cultured. Well, It never came back….I quite literally blocked the whole terrifying and humiliating experience out of my mind for the last 12+ years. I never could bring myself to tell my husband (who was just my boyfriend whom I was madly in love with at the time) about what had happend about everything I was going through….we weren’t living together, I just avoided him, thinking I had a raging yeast infection.
Now here I am married, pregnant,…I have looked forward to this my entire life! I was extatic to find out we are expecting. I haven’t seen an OB/GYN yet but I have an appointmetn in a couple weeks and I’m so scared and don’t know what to say when she asks me about HSV.
I feel so angry that I have to worry about this. I thought I did the right thing, found someONE fell in love, was monogomous my whole life but that still didn’t spare me from the possibility of having an STD that could hurt my baby…and that I have to bear the humuliation of possibly everyone finding out if in fact I do have it…and possibly having this whole thing taint my pregnancy experience.
As an educated individual I am aware that there is almost no chance my baby will get HSV even if I have it because of the precautions that are taken these days. My fears mainly stem around my husband finding out I MIGHT have HSV, my family, everyone…if something does go wrong during delivery. My body has kind of gone downhill since finding out I”m pregnant…I’ve already been diagnosed with yeast infections 2 times…and one UTI…I”m terrifed I will also start having outbreaks if I do have HSV.
My hsuband wont’ understand..he won’t understand that it’s nothing we did wrong…and he will probably, blame himself and be afraid to sleep with me ever again if I do have it. Over the years I’ve heard him make fun of HSV, people who have it…and refer to it as “dirty”….I’m terrifed.
If there are any medical professionals reading…I do have some questions;
—1) If it’s only a suspected exposure will they still treat me prophylactically with antiviarls?
—2) will everyone know that I am being treated as if I do have HSV? will it be talked about freely in front of my family/husband or will my privacy be respected?
Help..how can I move on and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and stop worrying? I will consider telling my husband that the OB/GYN says I have been exposed (if that’s what she says) but I just can’t tell him I had suspected it years before. Worset yet, I could be worrying about all this for absolutley nothing..FML.