- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I’m 38 weeks pregnant with my first child and feeling very stressed out right now.
Basically, I’ve had a friend from high-school (Sarah) that I was very close to for a number of years. Since we both got married in recent years, Sarah and I haven’t been close anymore. We live on opposite sides of the country and have nothing in common anymore (friends, interests, etc.). Since we both moved away from our hometown, Sarah typically only contacts me a couple times a year, when she’s visiting nearby and wants to get together. I don’t enjoy it when we do get together (which is about 3-4 times a year). Sarah is only interested in talking about herself and the conversation only continues for as long as I can think of questions to ask her (about her husband, family, job, etc.). She does not ask me about myself, my life, or my husband, (who she knows well) ever.
When I told Sarah I was pregnant, she went on a rant about how she doesn’t intend to have children because she thinks it’s selfish to bring children into such a fucked up world. Since then (five months ago), she has never asked me about my child or pregnancy, not even in passing. She does, however, think of me as her bestfriend. When she last visited in the summer, she mentioned wanting to get together and though I spent several weeks writing her emails and texting her to hammer out plans (as I was quite busy at the time), she completely ignored me for weeks at a time, only to message me demanding time for a date at the last minute. Sarah struggles with anxiety and depression, and often tells me that she’s too anxious to respond or contact people in general. I certainly understand how debilitating these conditions are, having been treated for them for years now, so I’ve always tried to be understand and patient in the past. Having said that, she consistently puts a huge strain on me by only contacting me at the last minute to demand time to spend together and calling me a bad friend if I’m busy.
I hadn’t heard from Sarah since July and have considered our friendship over for a long time. She hasn’t contacted me in any manner since then, despite visiting close to me recently. Last week, Sarah texted me several times to say that she knows she’s been a bad friend and wanted to get together last weekend. I was busy wrapping up my last week at work and didn’t respond. She’s called several times in the last few days, sent more emails and texts, all asking if I’m currently having the baby and that’s why I’m not responding. She began messaging my husband to ask him the same thing, over the weekend.
I’ve discussed it with close friend, husband, and mother at length and all three have told me I should continue to ignore her until she stops. Any time I’ve tried to distance myself from her in the past, she inevitably draws me back in by saying that I’m a terrible friend and she is borderline suicidal and needs me. She does not take criticism well and has only ever reacted with anger and accusations.
I’m not sure how best to handle this going forward. I can continue to ignore her until she goes away, as my family has suggested, but the amount of times she is contacting me daily is increasing and her messages are getting more and more aggressive. It’s stressing me out at lot at a time when I’m supposed to be relaxing and preparing for my baby. I could confront her, but in my experience it always makes me feel worse about the entire situation and not better. As hormonal as I am, any time I think of it I pretty much just burst into incoherent tears. I could reply but make excuses, but she mentioned in one email that she’s moving back to the area and wants to spend lots of time together in the future.
Any advice or thoughts?