Post # 1
My husband is on a work trip so I can’t talk to him and have him calm me down.
Yesterday I found out I was pregnant. We weren’t trying but weren’t being careful either and was leaving it in God’s hands. My doctor thought I would have trouble conceiving so the fact I’ve gotten pregnant naturally is a blessing.
Yesterday, I was elated. I was so happy and Darling Husband was too. He has two children from his first marriage so it will be our first child together and his third.
This morning he left for the airport to go away for work and as soon as he left I was filled with a feeling of dread. For years I’d been on the fence about having children and it’s only been recently that if decided that “one day” I would have a child of my own. That day has come sooner than expected.
Combined, we earn a good wage. However we are still paying off debt from school loans and younger bad decision. Darling Husband pays $316 a week in child support, I have a car loan and although we try and save money we do have a fair few setbacks. We live in Australia and currently renting because we can’t afford to buy.
I’m worried about money. I’m worried about the cost of child care. I’m worried about losing my freedom and I’m worried about how this change will impact my relationship with Darling Husband. All my friends have babies but I’m feeling incredibly alone and scared. I’m 29, I’m at the age where I should be prepared to have a baby yet I still feel like a baby myself.
I’m sorry this is jumbled, I’m lying in bed crying and just feeling like the weight of the world is on my chest.
Post # 2
First – congratulations
second – feeling like this is perfectly normal. Lots of women (many of whom are TTC) have a freak out when they get the BFP. I know I did with my first (I said fuck A LOT!)
deep breaths first. Second tell your husband how you feel and share you fears. He might not be able to help, but he can listen. Finally once you’re in touch with your midwife tell them how you feel, they are your trusted partner in this and can help you to access any additional support you might need.
Your hormones will be all over the place right now and lots of women find they become very anxious or depressed in pregnancy – it’s ok and there is support there for you
Post # 3
girl, I hear you about being excited, but scared. For my first pregnancy my husband and I just stopped trying to prevent it and got pregnant right away. I was so shocked it happened and honestly was not excited for about a week. I too was 29 and worried about losing my freedom. Then I started to become happier about it and lost that baby. Losing that child made me realize I was actually more ready than I thought. Even with my doubts, Darling Husband and I tried again and now are 18 weeks with our baby. Let me say this, there is never really a good time in life to have a baby. Darling Husband and I have moved to two different cities across the country from home and I’ve had two jobs all within the last year. But you know what? Life isn’t about being 100% ready for everything. If we waited until we were 100% ready it would never happen. I just went for it and I’m glad I did. I’m not saying just do what you feel, you definitely need to be in a good place emotionally and financially. I just know for me I don’t think the day was ever going to arrive that I was ready and I think the universe just gave me the push I needed.
I personally cannot relate to the financial situation, but most of your expenses sound standard (apart from the “younger bad decision”). Are you all able to rebudget to make this happen? Are you able to lean on family for childcare support? You know what’s best for you and your family. Best of luck.
Post # 4
I can sort of relate.
I wanted a baby, badly. However, my expectations on how long TTC would take were severely misguided. I expected an extra 4-5 months to get “mentally” ready. That didn’t happen! I was pregnant 2 weeks after we started trying.
I was obviously excited, but extremely nervous as well. I kept thinking about all of the sleep we won’t get starting in March. This went on probably for 2-3 weeks. I’m 13 weeks now and super mentally settled. I’m excited and happy and don’t have these fears anymore. It’ll be okay. We always make it work in life, this is no different! Good luck OP ❤️
Post # 5
Oh my goodness, congratulations on the surprise!! But, I also feel you on the scared feeling.
With my daughter, my ex husband and I were in a very similar situation. Not trying, but not preventing. I honestly didn’t think it would happen and when it did I was scared to death about the finances of it. We were younger than you are and not earning much money and I had no idea how we would pay for daycare and diapers and clothes and everything else. But you know what, we did! We had to be careful financially, but it worked out. She’s now almost 9 and I don’t know what I’d do without her.
Take this moment to freak out – it’s totally normal, but also know that so many women feel this way and find a way to make things work. The fact that you’re scared shows how much you care and I’m confident you’ll be ecstatic as it all comes together.
Post # 6
When I found out I was pregnant with my first, my now husband and I had just broken up (we were dating at the time), and I was in the middle of salary negotiation at a new job. Needless to say, panic!
That said- my son has been one of the greatest blessings/adventures in my life. My husband and I ended up getting back together, got married (eventually) figured our life out and have since had a second baby.
You’re totally normal to panic. And kids are frankly- expensive. But you can figure it out. I promise. As someone said to me, people younger than you, with less than you, in worse situations than you can make it work- so can you. And you can. And it will be incredible. I promise. And yes, you might miss out on a few things- and lose a little of your freedom- but it’s not forever, and you’ll make it work. So, deep breath and congratulations 🙂
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2012 - Iowa
Congrats! That feeling is totally normal! We tried with my first and it took us 3 months, and I still panicked when I got the BFP. I was 30. I worried a LOT about finances, but Darling Husband always told me not to worry, it’d be fine, and it has been. I got a raise at my job at 16 weeks, Darling Husband and I created a budget and stuck to it, and somehow we’ve managed to afford now 2 in daycare.
It’s okay to freak out a bit, and pregnancy hormones are crazy! Good luck and I hope you have a smooth/easy pregnancy!
Post # 8
I. Totally. Get. It.
We were actively trying when I got pregnant (at 34) and even though we really really wanted this baby, I still freaked out. It’s a big change and only natural to feel conflicted and scared! Also, those pregnancy hormones are no joke! I would cry at the drop of a hat over…I can’t even remember. Everything it seemed. Especially in the beginning.
And I know you said you still feel like a baby yourself at 29…as I mentioned I was 34 when I had my son and even at that age I STILL felt like a kid myself. I don’t know if the “I have no idea what I’m doing, how does this adult-ing thing work?” feeling ever truly goes away. I’m constantly feeling like I have no clue what I’m doing but my son seems to be happy (for the most part) and healthy so I must be doing something right! Calling myself a parent still sounds super weird. I still feel like a lost child in so many ways!
Just try to breathe and take things one day at a time. When does your husband come back? When he returns you two should sit down and discuss all these things. Money stuff should definitely be discussed but I do think that a lot of people freak out in the beginning because it’s suddenly not a hypothetical baby anymore. It becomes very real very quickly.
Best of luck to you!
Post # 9
Congratulations! And as others have said being nervous and uncertain is completely normal! It’s a huge life change.
We were TTC for almost a year and a half before we finally got pregnant so it was definitely planned, however when I finally go pregnant, one of my first thoughts was “do I really want to do this?”
Allow yourself to be nervous and freak out a bit. You have 9 months to plan, save and process.
Post # 10
Girl, we never wanted kids and when I found out TWO MONTHS after we got married, and at age 22, that I was about to be a mom??!!! I cried and threw the test across the bathroom, yelled a couple obscenities and took a second test.
We were not doing well financially, I was making hardly any money at my job, he was self employed which is ridiculously unstable, and we were renting a CRAPPY 1 bedroom apartment.
Guess what…she’s 11 now and the light of my life. I cannot imagine her not being here, and it took me a couple of weeks to get excited but I did. And you will too!
Hormones make you crazy, but I promise it will all come together. I can tell you from experience! Hugs to you, and a big congratulations!!!
Post # 11
- Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse
I’m not a mom, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt, but I feel like everything you said is normal. I think a lot of people have doubts and get nervous or scared but it’s not the norm to voice those things. I don’t think it’s ever a “perfect” time to have a baby, but society teaches us that such a thing exists.