(Closed) Pregnant and upset with husband

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

First of all, I’m so so so sorry. 🙁

Do you think that his actions might be his way of distancing himself from the emotional pain?

Post # 4
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@atalante:  That’s what I’m thinking. Avoiding thinking about the situation may be his way of coping with the pain of (possibly) losing this baby. I think you both need to cut each other some slack in this difficult time. Have you told him that you don’t feel supported? He might not know how best to support you right now, so maybe sit down with him when you both have calmed down and discuss what exactly you need from him. 

Post # 5
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I was about to ask the same thing as atalante.

I think this might be his way of dealing with the emotional strain of the current situation. I know that that doesn’t make it any easier on you, but please take that into consideration.

I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best for you guys.

Post # 6
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

@atalante:  agree

and

 

@shambley:  agree

 

This is a difficult time for both of you. You should both bond together and try to support each other. 

Post # 7
Member
14402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

He’s not the one going through it and dealing with the actually physical feeling of it.  Men and their simple brains… he could just thinking that there is nothing that can be done about it to change anything and whats going to happen is going to happen so there’s no need to worry and stress.  Easy for him to say looking in when the pregnancy isnt in HIS body.  Have you sat him down and discussed how he feels?  Maybe he just really doesnt think its a big deal cause you cant do anything to change the outcome… would that help explain his reaction and behavior toward you.

Post # 9
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It is possible that he’s distancing himself from it, but I don’t think that’s an acceptable way to act. This really isn’t about him. If it doesn’t bother him then fine, but his wife is hurting and that’s what’s important. Maybe you were right to say you’re not sure you want to keep TTC with so little support… he doesn’t seem to have the slightest clue of what you’re going through. You need his support on good days and on bad, pregnancy is a long road with lots of ups and downs and he can’t keep telling you to just get over things. It’s great that you’re going to his appointment with him, hopefully his counselor can help him see your side of this.

I’m sorry you’re getting these scary test results. No one here thinks you should just get over it or stop thinking about it, so post as often as you need to. Sending healthy thoughts your way.

Post # 10
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It sounds like you’re both under a lot of stress and maybe distancing himself from the situation and trying not to think about it is his way of coping. It sounds like deep down he’s afraid and maybe he’s not ready to face his fears yet. Talking about it will only make it seem more real. I am very sorry you are going through this, and I hope you get the support you need. *hugs*

Post # 12
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so glad to read thng are getting better with him and you’re starting to get the understanding & comfort you need. My thoughts and hopes for the best to the two of you.

Post # 13
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

With my last pregnancy my husband and I went throught the same thing. As I was getting bad lab results he wasn’t really supportive. It wasn’t until I went to my ultrasound after I had lost the baby that he really even said much.

Afterwards he told me he really didn’t believe we would lose the baby and he didn’t really want to talk about it. He just wanted to move on. Me on the other hand, I wanted to talk about it. I confided in family just to be able to get the things out that I needed to. Now that time has passed we can talk about it more oplenly. We both definately grieved differently and it was a really hard time for us as a couple.

ETA: I just saw your update. I am so glad things are going better for the two of you. Good luck at your US tomorrow.
 

Post # 15
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@78h2o:  praying for you both and for healthy happy tubes and a super sticky baby on the horizon!

Post # 16
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You mention the fact that he took you out to dinner to try and cheer you up and called for lab results, etc.  What exactly is it that he is doing that is upsetting you?  The fact that he’s going through just a hard time as you are and you are not even cognizant of it?  This is his baby too and while I realize that it is YOUR body, it seems like you’re being really unkind to him.  Did you ever take into consideration his own feelings?  Or that you’re upsetting him by occupying his thoughts constantly with your incessant worrying? You’re not the only person going through this, the two of you are supposed to be a team and you’ve sat him on the bench without so much as an explination.

I’m really sorry that you’re going through this (I assure you, I know what you are going through) but this should be an opportunity for the two of you to stick together and become stronger and instead you’re doing the opposite.

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