Post # 1
So DH and I just got married and got pregnant our first month TTC (Yay!). We arent announcing until 12 weeks, so no one knows.
Today he gets a facebook invite to his cousins gf’s baby shower in October. We had no idea she was pregnant.
I really like my DH’s family and even the dad of this baby (DH’s cousin) is super cool. But his gf has always been kind of standoffish and not very warm to me. Everyone else in his family has always been really kind and welcoming so I never worried much about it.
But now, we are both going to have babies within 3-4 months of eachother and it just feels awkward. Im not going to pretend to have some relationship with her just because we happened to get pregnant at the same time. But I feel like the family will make a big to-do about it and Im super uncomfortable about it now. My DH loves his cousin so hes super exicted and Im sure he’s thinking how cool it will be for the cousins to be close. And I feel like that would be forced with her. I dont think she would want that.
I know Im being bratty and stupid. Im happy for their baby and our baby… I just wish they didnt overlap. I know this is irrational. I blame the pregnancy hormones.
Post # 2
It’s kind of ridiculous that you think this is an issue. It’s not as though you can pick and choose to get pregnant. Other women are allowed to be pregnant when you are, even if they’re in your family. My SIL and I were pregnant at the same time – her due date was 2 months later than mine. It was no big deal and I’m really puzzled as to why you’re deliberately making it into something “uncomfortable “.
Post # 3
It’ll just be fun that the kids can play with each other at family parties. I don’t think you need to form a close relationship with the mom for that to happen. Just politely coexist.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
If I were you, I’d be excited for my new addition to have a family member close in age for bonding, playing, and growing.
Honestly, it’s probably hormones. Take a deep breath – I mean, she was pregnant before you, so…. ??? If you don’t like her, keep your distance. Anyways, congrats!
Post # 5
such a first world problem. I would not think too much about it. You guys don’t need to be close at all and it will be nice to have someone to talk about pregancy with since majority of non pregnant people can only talk about pregrancy so much.
Post # 6
She was pregnant first, so shame on you for getting pregnant during HER 9 months. Tsk tsk.
Seriously though, this is a non-issue. No one is saying you have to labor together.
Post # 7
I mean, if you guys were both pregnant with your first kids, then I guess I could see some people expecting you guys to somehow bond over all the firsts. But you said in another post that this is your 4th kid, right? So I think this is much ado about nothing.
You don’t have to be friends. Your kids don’t have to be friends. It’s be great if they were, but que sera sera.
Post # 8
If you found out via a Facebook invite to the baby shower, clearly you’re not that close and you don’t see these people often. So, what’s the big deal? Honestly, it’s absurd of you to immediately think about yourself when finding out someone else is pregnant. Are you that worried about her stealing your/your baby’s spotlight? Yes, this is bratty.
Post # 9
You’re absolutely right, you’re being way too bratty. You should be thankful if she wants a friendship with you. I cannot comprehend how you managed to turn a joyous situation into drama.
Post # 10
This isn’t something you should even be thinking about.
Post # 12
If it is any consolation, I too got emotional over the stupidest things when I was pregnant – with my first. I am ashamed to think of those things now….as you will be looking back on making this an issue.
I was totally chill for #2 though, and if PP is right, and this isn’t your first rodeo, you need to step back and allow this cousin’s gf to enjoy her moment – esp if it’s her firstborn.
Post # 13
Hey, we can’t help how we are feeling, but it’s good to recognize that you are being irrational feeling this way.
Just vent about it and then try your best to be cordial. His family will still be just as excited for your baby as they will theirs. And I do think it will be really nice for those two to have each other at family events.
Post # 14
Who knows, you might find your relationship with the gf improves once you both have something (ie kids) in common.
Post # 15
What I’m hearing is that you are not upset about sharing the spotlight (way to put words in her mouth like she is a worried about thunder stealing bride), you are upset because the overlap will cause the family to pressure you to be close. It makes sense. They are a warm and welcoming family, and this will be a close in age second cousin. I come from a big close family, so I now how that pressure feels.
Either way, it’s not a big deal. Maybe your kids will be close and it will automatically repair the relationship you currently with this woman. Or maybe the kids won’t even want to play together like that, so you won’t feel obligated for play dates. Maybe one if you will move far away, and this will be a non issue. Either way, you don’t have to be worried about being fake or things feeling forced. Just do what feels natural. Babies have a way of putting trivial things into perspective. You will very soon understand how truly petty this is.
You know you are being irrational and bratty, so need for me to point that out. You came here to vent, and as long as it doesn’t bleed out IRL, you are fine.
Congrats! A H&H remaining pregnancy to you!!!