Post # 1
So this has probably been covered tons of times but I need help dealing with my MIL in this situation. So before I was even really showing or had a tiny bump she would rub my belly in an affectionate kind of way. Didn’t really both me so I just let it slide…only happened a few times.
However, now I am almost 7 months and am big. The baby is constantly moving. A few weekends ago we were having dinner with IL’s. I was on the couch, MIL was in kitchen (open concet) about 15 feet away. I told my husband baby was really moving and DH put his hand on my stomach to feel since he hasn’t felt him much. Bbay gave a good kick and DH laughed. At that moment MIL rushed over and immediately put her hand on my stomach to feel. She didn’t ask. My DH and I were just kind of taken aback and didn’t know what to say.
Baby didn’t kick her and after a few minutes she released my stomach. DH asked me on the way home how I felt and I said I was shell shocked and couldn’t fathom what to say. He says if I don’t want her touching me then that’s fine with him he felt awkward in that moment.
So quesiton is, when I see her again how do I nicely stop this. Before it was a quick pat, now it was her methodically moving her hand around for movement which got awkward and I don’t feel comfortable with it anymore. Any suggestions on how to nicely but firmly say hands off!
Post # 2
“MIL, I know you’re excited to feel the baby, but I have to be honest, it makes me uncomfortable when anyone but DH touches my stomach. I hope you’ll understand, it’s nothing personal.” You have to just tell her straight up. You have already let her do it a few times so she thinks it’s no big deal, and announcing that the baby is moving and telling your DH to feel it was to her an open invitation. She’s just excited, but if it really bothers you, you have to stop her.
Post # 3
Well, first, I think you should not encourage your DH to touch your belly when others are around. That way the whole “he did it, so I will, too” thing won’t happen again. Since she’s family and not a friend or stranger, she probably felt like she could do it since he was doing it. Second, I would wait until she tries to touch your belly again before gently letting her know that it makes you uncomfortable when anyone but your DH touches your stomach.
Post # 4
howtobeawife: But DH and I were having a conversation in the next room (the kitchen is open to the living room but still 15 feet away), and DH and I were speaking to eachother. He found it weird how as she was clearly in a different area and we were having a conversation she walked all the way over and just did it…its not like she was sitting in the room with us she was in the kitchen preparing dinner
Post # 5
You have to straight up tell her to not touch you. Be blunt. The end.
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2014 - Loft
People are excited for you and for your unborn child. There are worse things. The only thing to do is tell her directly. Otherwise you’ve just spent 5 minutes typing this question to ask for advice, and for no reason.
You don’t want someone to touch you? Tell them.
Post # 7
I agree with jny1179: that you should probably just very politely say that it makes you uncomfortable and you would prefer she not do it. But I might also add that you will invite her to touch the baby from time to time, like if the baby has the hiccups so you can feel regular, predictable rhythmic movements. She is obviously very excited about feeling the baby move, so if you ask for it to only be on your own terms, that might be a compromise. Of course, if you’d prefer she not touch you EVER, then you have that right. But perhaps occasionally inviting her to feel the baby would be more acceptable to both of you?
Post # 8
This is probably not great advice, but I wouldn’t say anything at this point. You’ve been letting her touch your belly for so long already; she’s going to feel really embarrassed, I think, and it might create an awkward situation. She might think, “Why did she let me touch her belly for 7 months if it bothers her?”
So what I would do is not encourage belly touching in general when she’s around.
Or, you could be mature and do what PPs suggested and just tell her. 🙂
Post # 9
missjewels: I agree- I would NOT encourage DH to touch belly when anyone else is around– that’s just asking for other people to paw you. And while most people would understand it’s different that you’re cool with DH and not others…..some people would justify and say a hand is a hand LOL.
I would either have your husband tell his mom that your belly is his territory OR – as long as you’re comfortable with it, tell her yourself. It’s as simple as that.
I do not like people touching my belly- thankfully no one except one of my aunts does- and it’s so her personality and she’s bipolar, so I let it slide because she doesn’t linger.
My son is the only other person who doesn’t need permission to touch my belly- he’s six, and his size and height make it so that it’s easy to rest his hand on my stomach when he’s standing close to me anyhow- so this was something he’s always done. Now he’ll just sort of rub my belly and say hello to his brother which I think it adorable.
Post # 10
missjewels: Yeah I do agree you’ve set a precedent for her (allowing her to do this in the past). This said, no one here thinks (at least I think no one) that you should stand there for minutes on end while she puts her hands all over your belly.
She is obviously excited and probably doesn’t realize she is overstepping. After a few moments, you can politely step back and say “well sorry, baby stopped moving around for now!”
I’m sure she would be embarrassed if she knew you’ve just been “tolerating” it for so long. She is excited for you both and I’m sure it is meant innocently.
Post # 11
missjewels: My own mother tried the belly pat thing when I was about 14 weeks and I told her exactly how i felt about it. MY MIL just tried it a week or so ago (I’m 28 weeks now) and I straight up snapped at her. It was effective if nothing else! You can always blame it on the hormones.
Post # 12
Not pregnant but considering making a shirt in the future that says “don’t touch my stomach lol.” I’m not a touchy feely person and that would make me cringe, even if it is family.
Post # 13
missjewels: Right but open concept means there’s a lack of major division between the rooms. It’s done so people in both rooms can still interact. I gave my two cents. Take it as you will.