Post # 1
So I am currently pregnant with an EDD of november 2. I am also supposed to be a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding on October 6…only a month before…
WHAT DO I DO!?! I have not told friends yet, and I want to plan how I bring this up. I know she will be thrilled for me, but I also don’t want to put her on the spot about me being a bridesmaid. I have never been pregnant before so I have no idea how I will feel at 8 months, but I know I will not fit in that $200 size 6 dress I just bought… damn.
I want to help her and support her, and I would still be in the wedding just for her. However, I also dont know how I will be feeling and I don’t want to cause any stress for her on her wedding day. How do I tell her all this without putting her on the spot? I know if I told her it was up to her she would never ask me not to be in the wedding party, even if she actually felt that way.
Have any of you been pregnany bridesmaids or had pregnant bridesmaids in your wedding? Should I just respectfully drop out and be an “honorary bridesmaid” or something? Help!
Post # 3
@MissMusic: Do you want to be a bridesmaid?
Post # 4
I would love to. I just am not sure if that opinion will change when I am hugely pregnant…
Post # 5
I’d go ahead and tell her and keep it hush hush. When I was pregnant, I wasn’t a bridesmaid, but at 8 months, I was DONE. I could barely move. LOL You never know how you will feel, but maybe she’ll make it so you can keep the option open if you feel god and want to purchase another dress.
Post # 6
I have an EDD of October 13th, and was asked to be a BM for an October 20th wedding.
So upset I will have to miss the wedding 🙁 Like, not be in it and stand for the bride is one thing, but to not be there? Oh man 🙁
I told the bride and we haven’t even told our parents yet. I felt so awful. When I told her I just sort of left it at because it’s so early, no decision making right now, just wanted her to know, and we’ll see what happens with more time. I think for you, when you do tell her, I wouldn’t suggest or ask for any resolution, just to tell her and respect and value any thoughts or decision she comes forward with? I guess that is the best you can do? Is there far distance to travel required?
Post # 7
I haven’t been pregnant before now, so I don’t know how I would feel at 8 months pregnant, but a friend of mine was in several weddings late in her pregnancy, and I’m assuming she just took it easy. Think about it this way- you’re going to have to stand for photos and the ceremony, but other than that, you can park it in a chair and relax. My bridesmaids were done with pictures after like, 20 minutes, so it’s not unreasonable to think that you could make it through it. Also, November weather-wise is a lot friendlier to a pregnant woman than the middle of summer!
I would tell your friend now- honestly, maybe they can stop the order on the dress. See if the designer can make it in a maternity size- a lot of bridesmaid dresses come this way in that they are cut to accomodate the belly.
Honestly, if she is a good friend, she is going to be thrilled for you, and a pregnant bridesmaid is not something to stress over. Only a real bridezilla would freak out over hearing such wonderful news, and hopefully your friend loves you enough to just be happy and understand that you’re just pregnant- you’re perfectly capable of doing your bridesmaid duties, you just might need to modify them a little (ie, no shots on the bachelorette for you!).
Post # 8
One of my bridesmaids was pregnant! She wasn’t super far along, just far enough that we exchanged her dress for a size or two up. It probably would have be easier if she were in her second trimester since the biggest issues for her were morning sickness and exhaustion. I made sure to plan the day of activities around her so everyone would be more comfortable. For example, I don’t normally eat breakfast in the morning but my friend needed to eat fairly soon after getting up to not feel sick. So, we scheduled a girls breakfast the morning of and all had breakfast together before moving on to hair and make up. For getting ready, I made sure she had a private bathroom right there in case she felt sick, which she did, but she was really discreet about it and didn’t let it bring her down. The actual ceremony was fairly short so she didn’t have to stand long, pictures didn’t take too long, and then she and her Darling Husband left a little early after the cake cutting. I absolutely love that she was able to be there with me and was happy to accommodate her in any way.
You’ll be a lot farther along than she was, but if you’re still interested in being in the wedding I’d start making plans now. For starters, I’d call the company you ordered from, let them know the situation, and see if you can change your order for a much larger size. Since it’s hard to know how big you’ll be, I’d order waaay up since you can always have it taken in, but it’s much harder to have it let out. If you were planning on helping a lot with the wedding, I’d help out early on and pass on day of duties and any sort of physical work to someone else. Once the wedding comes around see how you feel, you won’t have to be on your feet too much and can try to take it easy.
Post # 9
Another friend and I was in a wedding when we were 7/8 months pregnant. Everything worked out fine. The bride was so understanding and made sure we were comfortable. The bridal salon worked with me to make sure my dress fit. It all worked out in the end.
Post # 10
What is the dress like? I’ve had friends be in wedding when they are several months pregnant, and definitely showing… They just order a larger dress and have it altered closer to the time… As long as it has belly room 🙂 I would deal with it with the salon ASAP to try to change the size you ordered
Post # 11
I’m barely 23 weeks pregnant and I can’t imagine being a guest at an all-day function, much less actually participating in one! I suggest you just tell her the truth and do it sooner than later (the more you put it off the more you’ll stress about it — and that won’t be good for you). If you tell her now, she can make other arrangements too, which will give her time to plan things out.
If it was me, I wouldn’t do it. The potential of stressing out and complicating things for everyone else outweighs it. Plus, the attention should be on her that day, and whether you like it or not, a fully pregnant woman that’s ushered down the aisle will detract attention, even if it’s just a few comments from strangers asking how you’re feeling and if you’re doing alright.
I’d probably tell her after I heartbeat is detected though.
Post # 12
If this helps one of my bridesmaids is pregnant and at my wedding she will be 8 months, but i am not bothered in the least. She feels confident in her ability to stand during the ceremony, she will be wearing an adorable maternity dress and flip flops, she will look so sweet in my pics and in the wedding. But if she isn’t feeling up to it when the big day rolls around then by goodness I certainly will not make her do it. I have never been pregnant, but as a woman I would’t do that, there is no pressure on her to perform. I don’t see why there should be any unwanted pressure on you to perform.
Post # 13
thanks for all the great advice ladies. I think I am going to tell her this week and just leave it open ended if she is OK with it. I will suggest trying to order a larger dress and tell her that I am going to do everything I physically can to help with her wedding and we will just have to play it by ear.
Post # 14
One major factor that far along would be where the wedding is. Many doctors would prefer you not be more than an hour oot from where you plan to deliver by the time you’re 8 mths.
And I know that even with this being my 2nd and being 36 weeks, my feet have been swelling if on them for even a couple of hours much less all day for a few weeks now. Definitely not good for a standing through a ceremony & trying to fit into dress shoes.
Even if you cannot make it TO the wedding though there are still lots of things you can do through the planning & then like you said just kind of leave the actual wedding day open for option.
Post # 15
The PP gave great advice about the travel, etc. What brand is your bridesmaid dress? If it’s J Crew, they can give you extra fabric that matches your dress, and you could get an extra panel or extra length put in really easily. Other dress manufacturers may also be able to do that 🙂
Post # 16
As a wedding photographer, I can tell you that it feels like every wedding has at least one hugely preggo Bridesmaid or Best Man and it’s not a big deal at all. If the bride is your friend, she’ll completely understand and be SO grateful that you aren’t bailing on her (at least not unless something goes seriously wrong where you don’t feel up to it).
I say just move forward with the wedding, and dont address this with her in an apologetic tone – this is an exciting and happy time for you, don’t let anyone interpret it as you doing something wrong. In my experience, the more guilty you act about your pregnancy with brides the more the brides start to feel like they’ve been screwed, where as if you don’t make a big deal, it’s suddenly not one to them.