Post # 1
SO I just learned that one of my bridesmaids is pregnant. Our wedding is set for June 29th, 2013 (which is roughly 8 1/2 months from now). Depending on exactly how far along she is right now she could be ready to pop at our wedding. I’d love to keep her in our wedding, but I don’t want a pregnant bridesmaid!!!! Especially being so close to her due date. We haven’t had a chance to discuss anything because I just found out, but does anyone have any advice?!?! This news has thrown me for a loop and I don’t think I can come to terms with having a pregnant bridesmaid. It’s suppose to be our day to shine, not hers! Help!!!!
Post # 3
mmm interesting perspective.
It may be worth chatting to her – she may actually not WANT to be your bridesmaid at that point. Especially if you happened to be a demanding bride thorughout the process whilst she’s working her way through a pregnancy…
Post # 4
Keep her in. Just because she is pregnant doesn’t mean no one is going to be paying attention to you on your day. It will still be your day, you might just have to pick a different dress for her.
I would however tell her that while you would LOVE to have her as a bridesmaid you would understand completely if she wasn’t able to because she is either about to pop or has a new born at home. She might be worried that she won’t be able to be there for you but not want to say she’ll step down because she is scared to hurt your feelings.
Post # 5
@Mrs Hoot: Thanks for the reply! I’m worried about hurting her feelings, but she may see it as a relief to not have to worry about being a bridesmaid. I think I will tell her the advice you gave me!
Post # 6
WHY do you not want a pregnant bridesmaid? Look? Worried she’ll go into labor during the wedding? Worried she won’t be able to make it and it will be uneven.
Keep her as long as she wants to stay! And be prepared that she may not be able to make it, but if she was worth asking as a bridesmaid, she’s worth keeping in.
FWIW, I booked our date mid-August for early April (just under 8 months out). Two of my three bridesmaids got pregnant literally within DAYS after picking the date! They’ll both be 35 weeks along at the wedding! I knew they were trying though, and that actually was one of the reasons for us picking an earlier date than risking it going 9+ months out. The funny part is they both ended up with the same due date, crazy! I’m still thrilled to have them in the wedding.
Anything could happen to ANY of your bridesmaid – one could have a death in the family or come down with an illness or who knows what? Life happens. Can’t stress about it.
Post # 7
Honestly I think it’s a little bit rude to kick her out for just being pregnant. Do you just not want to look of a pregnant bridesmaid in your photos? This is a massive time in her life, and as she’s a bridesmaid I’m assuming she’s a good friend of yours. Don’t make her feel bad for being pregnant just because it potentially clashes with your wedding! You should be there to support her through her pregnancy while she is there to support you through your wedding planning. The day is yours of course, and no one will think anything else, but don’t forget all the other people who are helping to make that day special.
In saying that, if she’s that close to popping, like the other bees said, she may not want to risk it herself! It would be terribly awkward if she went into labour during the wedding, but if you’re kicking her out of your bridal party because of that chance, that chance is still there even if she attends the wedding…
If one of my bridesmaids was pregnant during my wedding I wouldn’t care at all! Like I said, that’s a big point in their life that just happens to cross over with a big point in yours. No reason why either of them has to be ‘more important’ than the other!
Post # 8
This is your friend right? Someone obviously close enough to you that you asked her to be your BM? And you want to tell her you don;t want her in your wedding because she is pregnant? So you are basically prioritising your wedding vision over your friendship?
Maybe I am missing something but that doesn’t sound like a good friend to me!
If she has a problem with being a Bridesmaid or Best Man then she will come forward and say something but unless she does that just make the process as comfortable for her as possible.
Post # 9
Thanks, Everyone! It’s all good advice. I totally don’t mean to sound rude, I just got the news (by seeing it on FB) and haven’t had a chance to talk with her, so naturally I’m just a little frazzled. It’s nice to have a blog like this where I can get unbiased advice! My main concern is that we already picked out dresses and they are all matching. Also, the fact that she could go into labor during the wedding and have to back out. I am OCD about things being evened out! (same amount of attendants)
Post # 10
I have a firm “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” rule about WB Boards. Sooooo, let me just ask you. Why do you want this woman to be your bridesmaid? Either she is a really good friend that you want to include on your special day OR she isn’t. Your attitude makes it seem like you don’t care either way. She’s having a child. It’s a beautiful part of life, arguably the most natural part of life. How is her being pregnant taking away from you? Sorry, I just don’t get it.
Post # 11
Keep her, but don’t get the dress until… a week before.
One of my Bridesmaid or Best Man is going to be 8 months along at my wedding, which is next week. We got a dress that fits her perfectly, with flowy room to spare in the belly bump area… but then her boobs went up to a size F, yes. F. Today, she informed me, she got the zipper caught in a reducer bra she was trying, and it ripped the dress so she had to go buy ANOTHER dress for $200, and she’s going to have a seamstress take them both apart and put them back together……. basically: just don’t get a dress until the last possible moment. I feel terrible about all of her issues, but I’m so so happy to have her and she’s still all in for the day.
Your Bridesmaid or Best Man won’t take the attention off of you, I promise. But, if you absolutely think you want her out, make it her choice. Give her the out, don’t play the blame game like “You got pregnant so you can’t be in the wedding.” Make it more of “Wow, you are pregnant I’m so happy for you. I bet you have a ton to do, I totally understand if you are too busy to be a bridesmaid, I don’t want to put any stress on you.”
Post # 12
@Mrs.C.to.bee: I do agree about having to be accommodating with the dress! We are having the dresses custom made with a local seamstress who can make them in two weeks. And it’s a forgiving pattern that has a full skirt (baby bump room) and ties around the waist (so they can tie it up in an empire waist). So we’ll have the girls send in measurements about 6 weeks before the wedding, she’ll start making them with some leeway, and then they’ll come for a fitting like 2 weeks before the wedding.
I know it’s not a good option if you already have all your bridesmaids dresses, but we were looking for something with a short sleeve anyway and having a tough time, so we started out this route. And it’s great because they all have very different body shapes anyway, different heights, etc. PLUS – I was able to buy (very high quality) material & supplies for $60/girl and the seamstress is only charging $40/girl. It’s a steal – $100/dress for a last-minute custom made dress. I was blow away! Oh, and she’s doing my alterations too – $50 to take in the sides, $20 to add a bustle, and she’s doing the straps for free, although I’ll probably round up to $100 because I think the straps are going to be more work than she thinks.
Post # 13
The wedding is 36 weeks away. If she knows now, chance are she’ll give birth before the wedding. First thing to do is find out her due date.
Personally (as a mum myself), I think if she’s due very close before (like a month or less) she should step down. But it’s hard to force someone, so you really need to have a talk. Bear in mind she’ll almost certainly need to bring her baby too.
Post # 14
@Nurse613: Did you happen to say congrats to your friend on her very exciting news? Just curious. Let her make the choice, you asked her for a reason…remember that.
Post # 15
Umm… is her being pregnant more important than having one of your very dear friends stand up next to you at you wedding? I don’t get it. Honestly, talk to her about her due date and ask her how she feels about participating still. Don’t make it seem like you’re trying to kick her out of the wedding, though, and congratulate her on such awesome news!