Post # 32
@Nurse613: listen to what you just said “I don’t want a pregnant bridesmaid!”
Is her physical apperance more imporant than her friendship ?
In addition, her pregnancy has nothing to do with you. So, your shock, isn’t important.
I do not know if you meant it, but that sounds very shallow and selfish. When you ask someone to be part of your wedding, that is work, that is $$$, and that is sacrifice. The bridal party does a lot for you. Just remember that.
Post # 33
The chance of her going into labor at your wedding is slim to none. A kid doesn’t just fall out of your vagina with no notice.
You never know what can happen at a wedding – whether it be your Bridesmaid or Best Man going into labor or a guest of your suffering a major heart attack and god forbid dying (I know people it’s happened to). 5 minutes before my sister’s wedding my grandfather had a medical emergency – it delayed the wedding, he missed the wedding along with other family members. Was it horrible? Yes. Did it ruin the wedding? No. The show went on. He ended up being okay and once we knew he wasn’t going to die we all had a fun time – because that is just what you do when you’ve spent $100,000 + on a party.
My point is, anything could happen to anyone at any time during your wedding that may “put a damper on it” You can’t control these things no matter how hard you try. If you just accept now that there is shit you can’t control on your wedding day and that things will go wrong, you’ll be much less surprised and more equipped to handle it all when your big day comes.
As long as everyone is happy and healthy on your day and you get to marry the man you love i’d call it a success – whether there are babies screamining during the ceremony, or if your friends water breaks at the alter. None of this is the end of the world. And honestly, after your wedding none of it will matter anymore.
Post # 34
If she came out on facebook already she is probably due well before your wedding. People usually come out publicly at the 12 week mark. My Maid/Matron of Honor was pregnant for my wedding. I had some concerns about dresses and stuff but it worked out really well. Having one of my best friends sober REALLY helped me out b/c everyone else was a shit show, she gathered all my stuff made sure it all got back to the hotel / helped set up the after party etc. haha I highly recommend someone being in a clear state of mind standing by your side.
Post # 35
Yah, she’s not telling facebook two days after her missed period. She’s most likely 2-3 months pregnant and will deliver well before your wedding. Just be happy for her, please.
Post # 36
@Nurse613: The fact that you asked her to be in your wedding suggests that she is a close friend. Is kicking her out of your wedding b/c she too is experiencing something special really worth it? To me, kicking someone out of a wedding because they’re pregnant, and might take the attention off of you, seems pretty childish. Be happy for her and focus on what’s important, you and Fiance getting married.
Post # 37
@Nurse613: “I don’t want a pregnant bridesmaid” and ” don’t think I can come to terms with having a pregnant bridesmaid. It’s suppose to be our day to shine, not hers!”
These comments rub me the wrong way. Since she’s your good friend, which I assume she is or you shouldn’t have asked her to be a bridesmaid, I’m going to assume that you’d be devestated to NOT have her be a part of your wedding (pregnant or not). That said, rather than speculate a lot of scenarios and get yourself all worked up about it, why don’t you just ask her about how she thinks the pregnancy will affect her being in your wedding?
I don’t get why you came to Weddingbee first. If she is your good friend you should have went to her first.
Post # 38
I think a good friend would let her make her own decision. If you don’t care about losing your friend, go ahead and kick her out.
Post # 39
I hope that you can find an empathic way to address this with her. Honestly, had this been one of my bridesmaids, my only real concern would be is she going to feel comfortable enough to stand and perform other duties either right before she is ready to deliver, or within 6 weeks postpartum? Be willing to allow her to choose another dress that is similar to accomodate weight gain, and please allow her to choose a cute set of ballet flats to allow her to be as comfortable as possible.
No one is going to look at your bridal party, or your photos, and think “OMG, one of her bridesmaids is pregnant! I can’t believe she allowed that!” I’ve been to plenty of weddings with expecting bridesmaids, who looked phenomenal and pulled off all of their expected duties without any problems. Offer plenty of opportunities to sit down, have lots of water and light snacks available while you’re getting ready, and I don’t see a problem.
I think pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but it is a completely natural process. What happens if one of your BMs gets a horrible rash, pimple, pink eye, bad hair dye job, etc? Would you kick her out on the day of because she didn’t appear “perfect?”
Post # 41
If she’s truly a good friend or family of yours, then it shouldn’t matter. As brides, we shouldn’t expect our friends to plan their lives around ours at all times.
Post # 42
By The Way, I will have 2 bridesmaids who will have delivered 1-2 months before the wedding and one that wil be pregnant during, and I am planning my bridesmaids dresses to accomodate the extra post-baby bellys – that’s what friends do.
Post # 43
Sorry, I usually try not to be insensitive, but maybe since I am pregnant and hormonal, this may come off that way….
Being pregnant is THE most exciting thing that’s ever happened to me. Period. Having been recently married, I understand that at times it can be difficult to realize that your wedding is not the be-all end-all to everyone else. However, if a friend had asked me to take part in her wedding and then said “oh, sorry, I don’t want the focus to be on you and your pregnancy”, that would be the END of that friendship. Are your feelings more hurt because she told everyone via facebook, or because you don’t want anyone stealing your thunder?
Post # 44
I just want to clear this up….I know I have been selfish to even think of finding a replacement, but I NEVER actually said any of these things to her, nor would I. I’m not a rude person, I would have found a gentle way to put it had I decided to find someone else. I was a bit hurt that I found out via facebook and was looking for unbiased advice, so I thought I would ask all of you wedding bee’s. I have come to the conclusion that it is completely up to her as to what she will be comfortable with. We talked a bit and she seemed to think she will probably be due end of May or early June. Lets hope she’s right, but if not that is ok 🙂
Post # 45
I hope my reply didn’t come off as rude. 🙂 FWIW, I would be totally hurt if I thought enough of someone to have them in my wedding party, but they didn’t let me know that they were pregnant in a more personal way.
Post # 46
Yikes… She must not be that good of a friend then?? You sound completely selfish… At 8.5 months pregnant and in June, she will be hot sweaty and uncomfortable. She certainly will not be “shining” and she will not be stealing your spotlight in any way. If you cared about her as a friend you would be more concerned with her comfort and ability to help out, not how your pictures will look or her pregnancy stealing the spotlight.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is currently trying to get pregnant with her second child – my wedding is 9.5 months away- and I have been trying to look at maternity Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and anything to make her feel more comfortable bc I know if she is pregnant at my wedding (August!) she will NOT be comfortable, but she will still do everything she can to help and support me on my day. So the least I can do is try to help and support her too!